So on this military vets board I frequent, we're currently discussing the whole gays in the military issue. My question here isn't related to that specifically though; in fact it broaches an issue I don't think I *would* bring up anywhere but here. I'm assuming since most of the guys here are (relatively ) mature and intelligent, you might be able to help me resolve it though. Also, please note that nothing I say below is to be construed as any kind of a moral judgment; it merely based on my own personal observation and the (possibly faulty) inferences I made from them.

Why is it that straight guys (in general) seem so wary of gay men? I mean, I get that some gay guys look, dress and act weird, and I get the general fear of being hit on as a straight guy...but there are plenty of straight guys who are creeps, who hit on women who don't want it too. That doesn't make me avoid men.

And understand I'm not talking about prejudice or actual homophobia here; I'm talking about the reflexive reaction most straight guys have when you ask, "would you undress in front of, or shower with, a gay man" (in a completely neutral, nonsexual group environment--the military, for example, or a sports team.) It seems to me like every straight guy, almost to a person, will say, "hell no."

And part of me gets that. I mean, would I want to go around naked in front of a bunch of guys? Well, no--at least not until our culture evolves into Starship Troopers and gender doesn't matter anymore in terms of privacy.

Here's the thing though: while I won't want to undress in front of a member of the opposite sex, I'd have very little issue doing so in front of a female, even a gay one. And I *think* most women would feel the same way. (Female members of the forum, if you're out there throw in your thoughts on this; I'm not trying to speak for you here.)

Why does there seem to be such a divide between gay and straight guys, that doesn't seem to exist (from where I sit anyway) between straight and gay women? Again, this is pure, genuine curiosity here; I'm not calling anyone a homophobe or accusing them of not being tolerant/not having gay friends/etc. Its just that the genders seem to view homosexuality differently. Either that, or there's something I'm missing. I dunno. Thoughts?

ChiSoxFan wrote:

Back when I was in college, I had this roommate who was gay. That never bothered me, we got along great, and we even moved into an apartment with another friend of ours later on, and lived there for two years. We'd joke around and stuff, but we knew our limitations, and never crossed them. We just moved out this summer, and we went our separate ways. The other night, we were both on yahoo, and he started talking to me, all normal. We were having a nice conversation, and then he asks me "Can I tell you something if you promise you won't freak out?" I go "Sure" and then he proceeds to tell me that he has had a big crush on me for about 1 1/2 years now and begins to pour his heart out to me, telling me he thought I was the cutest guy, that he really wished that I was gay so that he could have me, etc. Needless to say, that caught me more than a little off-guard. He said "I know you're straight, so this is more on my shoulders than anything...I just needed to get that off my chest." I was literally taken aback. I didn't know how to respond...I told him that I appreciated his honesty, but that yes, I am straight. I felt real bad for him, because I've been on the same boat (towards girls). I kinda feel guilty for reacting the way I did...was I in the wrong?

I don't see how. Its not like you went nuts on the guy. I mean, its sad when someone really really likes someone else who doesn't return their feelings (for whatever reason), but hey, that's life. I think we've all been there. I don't see what else you could have done under the circumstances. Just letting him talk and not freaking out was probably the best thing you could have done.

And, thanks for all the ideas and perspectives, guys. Really, really interesting read.