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Lady_Satine
Title: Head of Lexian R&D
Joined: Oct 15 2005
Location: Metro area, Georgia
Posts: 7287
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No matter what your religion, you have to get a laugh out of this.
HELL EXPLAINED BY CHEMISTRY STUDENT
The following is an actual question given on a University of Washington chemistry mid term.
The answer by one student was so 'profound' that the professor shared it with colleagues, via the Internet, which is, of course, why we now have the pleasure of enjoying it as well :
Bonus Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)?
Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle 's Law (gas cools when it expands and heats when it is compressed) or some variant.
One student, however, wrote the following:
First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we need to know the rate at which souls are moving into Hell and the rate at which they are leaving. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving. As for how many souls are entering Hell, let's look at the different religions that exist in the world today.
Most of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell. Since there is more than one of these religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all souls go to Hell. With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially. Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because Boyle 's Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand proportionately as souls are added.
This gives two possibilities:
1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose.
2. If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over.
So which is it?
If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa during my Freshman year that, 'It will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you,' and take into account the fact that I slept with her last night, then number two must be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and has already frozen over! The corollary of this theory is that since Hell has frozen over, it follows that it is not accepting any more souls and is therefore, extinct......leaving only Heaven, thereby proving the existence of a divine being which explains why, last night, Teresa kept shouting 'Oh my God.'
THIS STUDENT RECEIVED AN A+.
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 "Life is a waste of time. Time is a waste of life. Get wasted all the time, and you'll have the time of your life!" |
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sidewaydriver
2010 SLF Tag Champ
Title: ( ͡� 
Joined: May 11 2008
Posts: 6160
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I'd give him an F with a note that says "Pics or it didn't happen". If the student is able to provide pictures to prove his theory, then he'd get the A+.
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 Shake it, Quake it, Space Kaboom. |
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drewbocop
Joined: Jun 20 2008
Location: Michigan
Posts: 802
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That was amazing.
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| Rycona wrote: |
| Now that rainbows are confiscate of the Gay Empire Or Whatever©, they're suspect to foul play. People follow it expecting a pot of gold and a leprechaun, but all they find is a mannequin with a melted ass and a bloody rubber inside... and a leprechaun. |
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Blackout
Title: Captain Oblivious
Joined: Sep 01 2007
Location: That Rainy State
Posts: 10376
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That's great.
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TheRoboSleuth
Title: Sleuth Mark IV
Joined: Aug 08 2006
Location: The Gritty Future
Posts: 2739
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It assumes that soul have a mass significant enough to cause any real change in temperature. It also takes the statement of the whore as fact. The worst part is he never really shows or proves that just because hell is frozen over, which in and of itself is never really supported due to the flimsy postulate as mentioned earlier, that hell is no longer accepting souls. If hell did exist, it might continue to accept souls beyond its current capacity where souls would suffer at the hands of cackling horned demons in turtlenecks.
Also, hell isnt real.
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ReeperTheSeeker
Joined: Aug 26 2007
Posts: 2752
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Wow, why the hell were all my professors such pricks, because that was the best chemistry question i have ever fucking seen. Where did you get this?
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Valdronius
Moderator
Title: SydLexia COO
Joined: Aug 22 2005
Location: The Great White North
Posts: 4465
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I love throwing bonus questions on tests. My last one had this for bonus:
"A zombie invasion has reduced the world to an anarchic dystopia. How did you survive the zombie apocalypse?"
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| Klimbatize wrote: |
| A Hispanic dude living in Arizona knows a lot of Latinas? That's fucking odd. |
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Tyop
Title: Grammar Nazi
Joined: May 04 2008
Location: Sauerkrautland
Posts: 1414
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This was interesting, so I did some research on it. It seems the story was originally posted on the Internet in 1997 to the rec.humor newsgroup as Hell - Cold or Not? As you can see the original didn't have the same Teresa ending yet, as in this version the student doesn't claim to have slept with her. Also it was a thermodynamics not a chemistry exam. In an intermediate version from a 2002 Fidonet newsletter the thermodynamics exam has changed into a physics exam. Finally, the first hit I get for a story named "Hell Explained By Chemistry Student" is from 2006 and it has all the elements of the story sathien posted above.
As for the original piece from 1997, it was likely inspired by two science parodies which appeared in a 1972 issue of Applied Optics and a 1979 edition of the science humor magazine Journal of Irreproducible Results respectively.
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Andrew Man
Title: Is a Funklord
Joined: Jan 30 2007
Location: Annandale, VA
Posts: 5603
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Dr. Jeebus
Moderator
Title: SLF Harbinger of Death
Joined: Sep 03 2005
Location: Wakefield, MA
Posts: 5228
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Yeah, I heard this roughly in 97. It's up there with the psychology exam with the question that says "What is courage?" and the guy just writes "This is" as the answer.
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dr.jeebus.sydlexia.com - Updated sometimes, but on hiatus!
| UsaSatsui wrote: |
| The three greatest heels in history...Andy Kaufman, Triple H, and Dr. Jeebus |
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username
Title: owner of a lonely heart
Joined: Jul 06 2007
Location: phoenix, az usa
Posts: 16136
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i remember reading about this on an email chain back when i had webtv roughly around '97 or '98
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| Klimbatize wrote: |
| I'll eat a turkey sandwich while blowing my load |
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scamrock
Title: Space Bastard
Joined: Jan 26 2008
Location: Planet Druidia
Posts: 2392
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I also heard about this when I was in high school. So it had to have been before '99. I actually printed it out at that time and I still have the print out.
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