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Hell explained by Chem Student


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Lady_Satine
Title: Head of Lexian R&D
Joined: Oct 15 2005
Location: Metro area, Georgia
PostPosted: Dec 25 2008 03:22 am Reply with quote Back to top

No matter what your religion, you have to get a laugh out of this.


HELL EXPLAINED BY CHEMISTRY STUDENT

The following is an actual question given on a University of Washington chemistry mid term.

The answer by one student was so 'profound' that the professor shared it with colleagues, via the Internet, which is, of course, why we now have the pleasure of enjoying it as well :

Bonus Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)?

Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle 's Law (gas cools when it expands and heats when it is compressed) or some variant.

One student, however, wrote the following:

First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we need to know the rate at which souls are moving into Hell and the rate at which they are leaving. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving. As for how many souls are entering Hell, let's look at the different religions that exist in the world today.

Most of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell. Since there is more than one of these religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all souls go to Hell. With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially. Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because Boyle 's Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand proportionately as souls are added.

This gives two possibilities:

1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose.

2. If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over.

So which is it?

If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa during my Freshman year that, 'It will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you,' and take into account the fact that I slept with her last night, then number two must be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and has already frozen over! The corollary of this theory is that since Hell has frozen over, it follows that it is not accepting any more souls and is therefore, extinct......leaving only Heaven, thereby proving the existence of a divine being which explains why, last night, Teresa kept shouting 'Oh my God.'


THIS STUDENT RECEIVED AN A+.


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sidewaydriver
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PostPosted: Dec 25 2008 09:45 am Reply with quote Back to top

I'd give him an F with a note that says "Pics or it didn't happen". If the student is able to provide pictures to prove his theory, then he'd get the A+.


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drewbocop
Joined: Jun 20 2008
Location: Michigan
PostPosted: Dec 25 2008 10:17 am Reply with quote Back to top

That was amazing.


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Blackout
Title: Captain Oblivious
Joined: Sep 01 2007
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PostPosted: Dec 25 2008 04:01 pm Reply with quote Back to top

That's great. Smile



 
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TheRoboSleuth
Title: Sleuth Mark IV
Joined: Aug 08 2006
Location: The Gritty Future
PostPosted: Dec 25 2008 04:37 pm Reply with quote Back to top

It assumes that soul have a mass significant enough to cause any real change in temperature. It also takes the statement of the whore as fact. The worst part is he never really shows or proves that just because hell is frozen over, which in and of itself is never really supported due to the flimsy postulate as mentioned earlier, that hell is no longer accepting souls. If hell did exist, it might continue to accept souls beyond its current capacity where souls would suffer at the hands of cackling horned demons in turtlenecks.

Also, hell isnt real.


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ReeperTheSeeker
Joined: Aug 26 2007
PostPosted: Dec 26 2008 01:43 pm Reply with quote Back to top

Wow, why the hell were all my professors such pricks, because that was the best chemistry question i have ever fucking seen. Where did you get this?


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Valdronius
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PostPosted: Dec 26 2008 01:54 pm Reply with quote Back to top

I love throwing bonus questions on tests. My last one had this for bonus:

"A zombie invasion has reduced the world to an anarchic dystopia. How did you survive the zombie apocalypse?"


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Tyop
Title: Grammar Nazi
Joined: May 04 2008
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PostPosted: Dec 26 2008 02:52 pm Reply with quote Back to top

This was interesting, so I did some research on it. It seems the story was originally posted on the Internet in 1997 to the rec.humor newsgroup as Hell - Cold or Not? As you can see the original didn't have the same Teresa ending yet, as in this version the student doesn't claim to have slept with her. Also it was a thermodynamics not a chemistry exam. In an intermediate version from a 2002 Fidonet newsletter the thermodynamics exam has changed into a physics exam. Finally, the first hit I get for a story named "Hell Explained By Chemistry Student" is from 2006 and it has all the elements of the story sathien posted above.

As for the original piece from 1997, it was likely inspired by two science parodies which appeared in a 1972 issue of Applied Optics and a 1979 edition of the science humor magazine Journal of Irreproducible Results respectively.



 
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Andrew Man
Title: Is a Funklord
Joined: Jan 30 2007
Location: Annandale, VA
PostPosted: Dec 26 2008 07:09 pm Reply with quote Back to top

Good work Tyop, that was very informative. So I see that this is more of an urban legend.


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Dr. Jeebus
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PostPosted: Dec 26 2008 10:36 pm Reply with quote Back to top

Yeah, I heard this roughly in 97. It's up there with the psychology exam with the question that says "What is courage?" and the guy just writes "This is" as the answer.


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username
Title: owner of a lonely heart
Joined: Jul 06 2007
Location: phoenix, az usa
PostPosted: Dec 26 2008 10:41 pm Reply with quote Back to top

i remember reading about this on an email chain back when i had webtv roughly around '97 or '98


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scamrock
Title: Space Bastard
Joined: Jan 26 2008
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PostPosted: Dec 29 2008 05:36 am Reply with quote Back to top

I also heard about this when I was in high school. So it had to have been before '99. I actually printed it out at that time and I still have the print out.


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