#88: Virtual Boy Wario Land

Released In: 1995
Developer: Nintendo
Publisher: Nintendo

      Virtual Boy Wario Land was released by Nintendo for its ill-fated Virtual Boy system in 1995. It stars Wario in a platforming adventure quite similar to most of his other starring roles. The story begins when he wakes up from a nap in the jungle and sees a group of masked monsters. He tracks them to a cave behind a waterfall and discovers a huge treasure. When Wario attempts to take the treasure, a trap is sprung, and he plummets into a huge underground labyrinth. It's up to the player to help Wario escape, while grabbing as much treasure as he can get his hands on. Virtual Boy Wario Land is generally regarded as one of the better games for the Virtual Boy, if not the best.

      The game was originally meant to have the name Wario Cruise, and the name appeared on the Virtual Boy system's box and in Nintendo Power magazine. The name was changed very shortly before its release.

- Wikipedia

Alexis Acid: When I took my first Virtual Boy home and opened the box, I had trouble getting it to work properly. As it turned out, something was wrong with the G-Diffuser.

SoldierHawk: I am probably the least qualified person in the world to contribute to an article about the Virtual Boy. Between bad eyesight and blistering migraine headaches, I have only been able to play a grand total of half an hour of the system in my entire life. Still, complete ignorance and lack of any sort of familiarity with the subject matter has never stopped me from contributing to a conversation before, so here goes.

Virtual Boy Wario Land was a good game for a system that produced only a few of those. By "a few good games" I of course mean one, and by "one:, I mean Virtual Boy Wario Land. Which reminds me. When the pinnacle of your system's life is a Wario game, you know you've produced a piece of shit system. Seriously.

I remember when the Virtual Boy first came out... I was so excited by the ads and the hype I could barely stand it. Imagine! A VIRTUAL REALITY CONSOLE! In MY lifetime! Holy shit, I was going to LIVE Star Trek: The Next Generation! I waited, oh-so-impatiently, until the console finally launched. I didn't have the money to buy one of course, and my parents weren't about to do it for me, but they couldn't keep me away from the store on V-B Day, no sir. I wasn't one of the lucky kids in line to get one of my very own, but I DID stand in line to play the demo. For an hour and a freaking half, I stood in like to play the demo. But finally, my turn came. I removed my glasses, fit the viewer over my eyes, expecting sensory bliss. Instead what I got was

The ugliest piece of shit game I had ever seen in my life. Made even uglier by the fact I couldn't wear my glasses, and immediately developed a pounding and nausea inducing headache to boot. There wasn't even any COLOR, for god's sake! If the game I had initially played had been Virtual Boy Wario Land, maybe I wouldn't have been so hurt. From what I understand that game is playable, even occasionally fun. But no, I got stuck with fucking Red Alarm. The Virtual Boy promised me the Holodeck; instead it delivered a monochrome piece of shit game, and a migraine.

Fuck you, Virtual Boy. Fuck you for destroying Gene Roddenberry's beautiful vision, and my young dreams of true virtual reality.

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