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- Syd Lexia

09/09/05: I have added my 33rd article.
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Syd Lexia on Whomp 'Em
This is the story of a savage but loveable American Indian and seven magic totems.
WARNING: Stereotypical firewater not included.


The Mystery of Scented Mountain
Read any good books lately? If you said no, you're not about to start now.


The Worst NES Games That People Actually Played
There were plenty of bad Nintendo games, but how many people actually played Dudes With Attitudes or The Incredible Crash Dummies? Was it more than ten?
Instead of that obscure crap, I examine nineteen games that people used to think were good and Hydlide.


Syd Lexia on Quiz & Dragons
Oh no! The evil warlock Gordian and his army of trivia-loving monsters have stolen the Seed of Wisdom from the king of Capconia!
Use your knowledge of obscure pop culture to save the day! No, seriously.


The Hulkster's In The House
In fiscal year 1994-95, Hulk Hogan put out an album that would have kicked ass if he had issued it in 1985.
But he didn't.


Syd Lexia on Caveman Ninja
Cavemen have kidnapped your prehistoric harem! Are you man enough to rescue them with only stone wheels and bone axes?
Hell yes, you are.


Nintendo Game Packs
In 1989, Topps and Nintendo forged an unholy alliance to create the incredibly dreadful Nintendo Game Pack.
Aside from the Holocaust, it was quite possibly the worst idea ever.


Spring Cleaning Crapstravaganza
Gaze in wonder at thirteen strange and wonderful artifacts that I found in the dark underbelly of my house.
Contains an exclusive Bubble Bobble code!


Syd Lexia on A Boy And His Blob
Explore deadly cornfields and corny deathfields in a game that implores you to eat your vitamins, say your prayers, and overthrow governments.
There's probably some stupid crap about friendship and teamwork in there somewhere too.


666: The Number Of The Beast
Although they're named after a medieval torture device, Iron Maiden's third album will not mutilate your ears.
The Blaze Bayley era is a different story.


Welcome to Fatality Fest, a two-part celebration of violence featuring Mortal Kombat, Mortal Kombat II, Ultimate Mortal Kombat 3 and 10 megs of pictures.
WARNING: This article is by no means 56k friendly.


Syd Lexia and Pepsi Free: There Can Be Only One
For my 23rd article, I have decided to drink and review a 23-year-old bottle of Sugar Free Pepsi Free.
This probably won't end well.


Wrestlemania Sucks
But that's not how it used to be. In the 80s and early 90s, Wrestlemania was the one PPV that you HAD to see.
Relive three classic WM main events from when the WWE was still the WWF and it didn't suck ass.


Syd Lexia on Michael Jackson's Moonwalker
Once upon a time, Michael Jackson and Sega teamed up to create an arcade game based on an incomprehensible movie.
Can you help Michael dance his way to victory against the evil Joe Pesci?


Syd Lexia on Super Mario Bros. 2
NES Deception: Everything you know about Super Mario Bros. 2 is a goddam lie.
Well, unless you already know that the Japanese version is totally different.


Kurt Cobain's Magical Shotgun Adventure
Will not be seen at this time, so that we may bring you an even bigger head trip.
That's right bitches, it's You Can't Do That On Television!


The Top 10 Weirdest Scenes in Arnold Movies
Punching, nudity, impaling, and more punching. Come along with me as I try to explain inexplicable scenes featuring the greatest action hero ever.
And no, Kindergarten Cop is not featured.


Syd Lexia on Streets of Rage
In a city without a name, three ex-cops bring vapid justice down upon an unidentified crime boss and his easily defeated army of clones.
Find out how many street punks one guy can punch.


Obey Your Masters
Seven Mega Man games. Fifty Four Robot Masters. A look at all of Wily's robots from Airman to Yamatoman.
Was Rectal Cancer Man a real enemy? Read on to find out.


Syd Lexia on Street Fighter
A look at the original Street Fighter, which no one remembers quite as fondly as Street Fighter 2. Find out why.
HINT: It's an unplayable pile of crap.


Looks That Kill
On their second album, Motley Crue commands us to shout at the devil... whatever that means. It seems to involve lipstick.
WARNING: The album cover may give you nightmares.


Donkeylips and Sponge Weigh In
The 8th episode of Salute Your Shorts, in which Sponge and Donkeylips try to enter a wrestling competition. Will they meet the weight requirements?
Yeah, probably.


Syd Lexia on Smash T.V.
Kill everything that moves and win fabulous prizes or die trying!

Good luck... yooooou'll need it!


Syd Lexia on Hammerin' Harry
This is the story of a badly-dressed boy with a giant hammer who stuck it to The Man.

Now 100% free of M.C. Hammer jokes!


M.A.S.K. - The Deathstone
A look at the very first episode of MASK. No one knows what lies behind their mad charades.

Come see their laser rays.


The Commodore Christmas Crapfest
Celebrate the season with seven awful video games!


Poison Your Mind
A look at the debut album from the hairiest hair band that ever haired.
(Aqua Net sold separately.)


Syd Lexia on Bad Dudes
Two freedom-loving guys in Keds attempt to rescue a president. Hint: It's an American one.
"Ninja-Related Crime Prevention Begins With You."


Meet The Midnight Society
A look at the very first episode of Nickelodeon's Are You Afraid of the Dark?  You'll meet Gary, Kristen, Kiki, Betty Ann, David, Frank, and Eric.
Also: Two assholes get lost in the woods.


Syd Lexia on Adventure Island
A close look at one of the most popular games from the golden age of 2D Platformers. Are you man enough to save some chick from some guy?
Warning: Contains one too many fat jokes.


Nothing Lasts Forever
In 1991, Guns N' Roses gave us the Use Your Illusion albums. In 1992, November Rain became the fourth single from those albums.
And it rocked.


Syd Lexia on Time Killers
This Salvador Dali-inspired 3D shooter pits you against giant melting clocks. Just kidding, it's a 2D fighting game.
With chainsaws.


Syd Lexia on Revolution X
An evil dominatrix, a plot for global conquest, and Aerosmith. Join me on my bizarre journey through Midway's 1994 arcade classic.


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