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Joined: Jul 16 2006 Location: 22 Acacia Avenue Posts: 324

Hopefully no one will get offended, but of course I encourage Syd to invoke his Mod-like power if he deems anything too distasteful.

Here goes mine.......

A little boy went up to his father and asked, "Daddy.....what does a woman's vagina look like?"

The father is slightly surprised to hear his young son ask such a question, but after thinking it over, he decided that he should be honest with him.

"Son......before sex, a woman's vagina is the most beautiful thing in the world. It's very soft, and very delicate.....like the petals of a rose."

The little boy nods, but he is clearly a little confused by his father's answer.

"Ok......but......Daddy, what does a woman's vagina look like after sex?"

"Well, Son......" the father says, ".....have you ever seen a bulldog eat mayonnaise?"

Posted: Aug 28 2006 10:17 pm

How did your mum know that her daughter was having her period?

She could taste the blood on your penis.

Posted: Aug 28 2006 11:16 pm

What's yellow and chunky and on my weiner?

Your mom's vomit!

Joined: Jul 16 2006 Location: 22 Acacia Avenue Posts: 324

LOL

How do you get a retard to kill himself?

Hand him a knife, then ask him who's special.

Posted: Aug 28 2006 11:52 pm

what do you get when you mix a bunch of lame overused jokes and the internet?

this thread. 'nuff said.

Posted: Aug 28 2006 11:54 pm

Shut up idiot, my joke was awesome and completely made up off the top of my head, therefore it could not have possibly been overused.

Posted: Aug 29 2006 12:24 am

So, one day, I got bit by a spider, my arm turned purple, and went numb, then I started to sweat uncontrollably. I figured, hey, I'm gonna die, might as well go to the park and have my way with a few kids. And what do ya know, they have an internet connection in jail.

Posted: Aug 29 2006 12:26 am

I killed JonBenet Ramsey. John Karr wanted to be infamous and he agreed to take credit for it. Stupid DNA testing.

Joined: Jul 16 2006 Location: 22 Acacia Avenue Posts: 324

I went to the doctor, and he said he wanted a urine, semen and stool sample.

I was in a bit of a hurry, so I just left him my underwear.

Posted: Aug 29 2006 05:04 pm

Avian wrote:

I went to the doctor, and he said he wanted a urine, semen and stool sample.

I was in a bit of a hurry, so I just left him my underwear.

I have an even better joke than the last two posted.

I went to the doctor, and he said he wanted a urine, semen and stool sample.

I was in a bit of a hurry, so I just left him Jean-Benet Ramsey's corpse.

Posted: Aug 29 2006 05:53 pm

Okay so dirty AND tasteless is valid, in that case...

A guy walks into a bar. The bartender asks "What'll ya have?"
"A New Orleans special."
"Never heard of it. What's in it?"
"It's a glass of water."

This joke brought to you courtesy of August 29th, the first anniversary of Hurricane Katrina.

Posted: Aug 29 2006 05:53 pm

how about this joke

how does a scanner see me, clearly or darkly?
the answer is a clock. that's hideous.

Posted: Aug 29 2006 07:33 pm

Okay, here's one. . .

A man walks into a bar and says to the bartender "I'll bet you $50 I can take out my glass eye, throw it against the wall, have it bounce off of that guy, and land in a shot glass" The bartender lays a shot glass on the bar, and says "Okay" The man throws the eye, and it goes into the shot glass. He gets his money, and walks out of the bar.

The next day, the man comes back in and says "I'll bet you $50 I can take out my prosthetic leg, throw it against the wall, have it hit that guy, and have it come to rest right on this stool." The bartender takes the bet, and wouldn't you know it, the leg lands on the stool. He gives the man his money, and the man walks out.

The next day, the same man comes in and says "I'll bet you $500 dollars I can piss on the wall, have it bounce off, hit that guy, and land in a shot glass." The bartender says "You're on!", so the man whips out his dick, and pisses all over the bar. The bartender says "Ha ha, I won". The man says "Yeah, but I'm the real winner". The bartender says " How do you figure", and the man says "I just bet the bartender across the street $500 that you would let me piss all over your bar for $50.

Posted: Aug 29 2006 07:42 pm

Char Aznable wrote:

Okay, here's one. . .

A man walks into a bar...

I kinda liked the Quentin Tarantino version of that joke better...

Quote:

This reminds me of a joke. This guy, he comes into a bar, walks up to the
Bartender and says, "Bartender, I got me a bet for you. I'm gonna bet you Three-
Hundred dollars that I can piss into that glass over there and not spill a
single solitary drop.
The Bartender says (now one more time this glass is like a good ten
feet away) He says, "Now wait a minute. Let me get this straight. Your trying to
tell me you're gonna bet me Three-Hundred dollars that you can piss standing
over here way over there, into that glass, and not spill a single drop"?
The guy looks up smiling and says, "That's right."
The Bartender says, "Young man you got a bet!"
The guy says, "O.K. here we go, here we go." He pulls out his thing. He's
looking at the glass, man he's thinking about the glass, he's thinking about the
glass, he thinks glass, he's thinking of the glass, think glass, thinking about
hid dick. D*ck, glass. D*ck, glass. D*ck, glass. Be the glass. D*ck, glass.
D*ck, glass. D*ck, glass. And then 'woosh!' . He let's it rip! And he's ..he's pissin
all over the place, man! He's pissin on the bar... he's pissin on the stools, on the floor, on the phone..
on the Bartender..
He's pissing Everywhere EXCEPT the f*cking
glass!! Right.
Ok, so, Bartender, He's laughing his f*cking ass off, he's Three-Hundred
dollars richer. He's like, "Ha Ha Ha." Piss dripping off his face. "Ha Ha Ha
Ha" He says, "You f*ckin' idiot, man. You pissed everywhere except the glass!! You owe me Three-Hundred dollars punta." And he goes, "Excuse me, just one, one
second." Goes in the back of the bar, and in the back there's a couple of guys
playing pool. He walks over to them... (whispers) Comes back to the bar
and goes, "Here you go Mr. Bartender, three."
And the Bartenders like, "What the f*ck are you so happy about, you just lost
Three-Hundred dollars you idiot?!"
The guy says, "Well, you see those guys over there. I just bet them Five-Hundred
dollars a PIECE, that I could piss on your bar, piss on your floor, piss on your
phone, and piss on YOU, and not only would you be not mad about it...... you'd
be happy..."

Posted: Aug 30 2006 12:28 pm

THATS the joke I was trying to tell!!! I was typing it from memory, so it came out a little fucked up.

Joined: Jul 16 2006 Location: 22 Acacia Avenue Posts: 324

A woman is ashamed of her grossly oversized vaginal lips, and so she goes into the hospital for surgury to have them reduced in size.

When she awakes from the anesthesia, she looks over beside the bed and sees three vases with flowers.

"Nurse," she asks, "....where did those flowers come from?"

"Well, the first vase of flowers is from your husband."

"Oh, I see......what about the second vase?"

"The second vase is from your doctor, in congratulations on your surgury."

"Aww, that was nice of him......but what's the third vase for?"

"The third vase.......is from the guy downstairs in the burn ward. He says thanks for the new ears."

Posted: Aug 30 2006 05:05 pm

I got one.. simple though.

Bill Gates had sex with his wife one night... The next day she says "Now I know why you named your company Microsoft!"

Joined: Jul 16 2006 Location: 22 Acacia Avenue Posts: 324

How do you get a retard to kill himself?

Hand him a knife, then ask him who's special.