I had the weirdest freaking dream ever last night. First I step into this store that sells both old school and newer games. I checked their NES selection and most of the games on the shelf were dirt cheep (like $1.50). The cool thing about the store is that they have some NESs waiting for you near the shelves so you can try out the game before buying it. So I pick out many NES games to try, some were obscure titles that I’ve only heard of off online like TMNT 3 and Ducktales 2 . . . whereas others, intrigued me because they had fuckloads weird written all over them.
I only remember two:
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: The 6 Towers
In this game, the turtles, I’m not kidding you, are turned into worms and must fight through 6 towers to find a way to be turned back to normal. Odd thing is when I started the game up, it looked more like an old PC flash game then any NES game, all grany with pseudo-3D. Also the turtles now turned into worms looked more like a California Prune panted flesh color. I didn’t get by the first screen, which was at a foggy harbor docks for some reason, there were no enemies, I just found away for my Ninja Turtle/Worm/Tan California Prune to summon these blue glowing egg bombs. They didn’t do damage to (whatever the hell I was) when they blow up near him, it was just funny as hell seeing the guy’s shocked expression when they did blow and he had this look every time a bomb when off.
The only other title I picked I didn’t play but I wish I did:
Megaman: Fishing
0.O
I don’t remember why, but I walk away from the NES and started to play one of the newer games. I don’t know what system it was for, I want to say it was a PC game. It was this vampire game in first person point of view. I started out in this dark ally way in what looked like 1900s London but everyone was wearing medieval clothing. I then looked down and immediately realized I was a broad, on the account of have a nice par of tits (I’ll call her Nice Tits). I then started walking around and picked up a blunt instrument (forget what) and started killing random people. I remember killing a knight, which didn’t take as long as you might think. What was hilarious about this was, nobody panicked when I offed someone, even when they were right next to the person. I then found myself outside the cathedral gates (when I say cathedral, I mean big ass Hunchback-living in Cathedral) and lying at the gates entrance were these sweet golden weapon, I went for the sword and started attacking the guards (who were armorless oddly enough) who didn’t react the whole time. I tried to slice some heads off but the force of the sword knocked people down immediately. Then I came across this vampire bitch outside the cathedral’s doors (which were opened) and the bitch had the nerve to talk shit about Nice Tits. I don’t remember what she was saying, something about Nice Tit’s boyfriend which rendered a cutscene with the crazy Nice Tits running up to the vampire bitch, knocking her into a wooden wagon and starting to slice her ass. It was obvious at this point the game didn’t allow dismemberment. But heres the cool part:
The vampire bitch, sitting wounded as fuck on the wagon then says something more about Nice Tit’s boyfriends which sends her into an angry frenzy. Nice Tits then grabs the vampire bitch by the head, bends her head over so far that her head is right below her knees, NT then takes the golden swords in one hand and stabs the bitch in the back, the sword goes through her torso, through her legs and right through the freaking wagon. It was a this point I realized I was playing the grated game ever made. After the vampire bitch falls over all ragdoll style, Nice Tits then runs into the cathrderal and I gained control over her again. I then start killing monks and no one tries to stop me, although at least the monks started to react to me mutilating them (they started running around like the scientist from Half Life). It was then I woke up.
Whew, well that’s enough of my gaming dreams, does anyone else have any to share?
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