I was trying to think up the most pathetic fan fiction possible. I came up with...

Muppet Babies erotic fan fiction.

Can you beat this?

I thought of one.

Small Wonder erotic fan fiction. With water sports. And short circuiting.

Also, fragmaster is fucking hilarious.

"John Madden's Maddenmobile bus pulled up next to a giant loop that Sonic himself once used to show off his Blast Processing abilities."

All these bad fan fictions remind me of my Metroid movie script I wrote, which I was inspired to write after I saw the DooM movie.

Samus, the smartest man in his space squad, finally stepped onto the planet SRR3R38 to kill the last of the Metroids. What the metroids were was a mystery, all that the science team knew was that they used to be humans that somehow got mutated into metroids through a chromosome. Samus grabbed his shotgun and told his squad, "Cover me, guys, because I'm the toughest space pirate ever." A metroid then suddly popped out and ran at Samus. Samus dodged the Metroid's charge and ducked under its claw attack. Samus shot the Metroid with his shotgun, barely surviving the attack of flying snakes that the Metroid shot at him. Suddenly, a shadow was cast from behind Samus. Samus, without turning around, said, "Ridley, I knew you'd show up." Samus turned around saw his enemy Ridley, the neighborhood bully ever since Samus was a kid. Ridley responded cooly with, "Samus, you're the dumbest guy ever. I knew you'd never be a good space pirate. I'm the best bounty hunter ever, something you could never be." Samus whispered, "I could have been a bounty hunter if I wanted to be the scum of the galaxy like you." Ridley walked off for no reason, leaving Samus confused. Samus and his squad made their way deeper into the space planet base, using their screw attacks and whatnot to go there. Also, grappling beams. Finally they arrived in the computer lab and saw a woman. She was a beautiful woman who was working on a keyboard in the midst of a dimly lit lab. "Mother Brain.", said Samus. "Surprised to see me? You knew I'd be here at the end, waiting for you. I've always loved you.", said Mother Brain. Samus said, "I don't understand why you left me and became a computer hacker, changing your name to Mother Brain. Let's just leave this place, it's hell. It always has been. I remember when bad things happened here when I was young. But hey, let's not go into that. I love you." Suddenly, the base's countdown explosion started. Ridley came back and attacked Samus and Mother Brain, but he lost. The End.