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Tebor
Moderator
Title: Master of the Universe
Joined: Aug 22 2005
Location: Gotham City
Posts: 6088
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| JEW wrote: |
| yes, but I said "good" porn, implying that I knew something about this particular theme. |
You just made me aware no one ever debates what makes good porn, or at least not nearly enough in public these days. That just made me visualize that world where porn isn't a taboo topic. It was not a happy world at all. 
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 "If you will not tell me, I will hurt people!!!" -Nuclear Man
"Do you hear? The alpha and the omega. Death and rebirth. And as you die, so will I be reborn!" - Skeletor
8341 unread forum updates since I left (2/7/14)... Uh-oh. |
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Mr. Bomberman
2009 Forum Champion
Title: (still) token black.
Joined: Jan 27 2006
Location: Home of the lost towers
Posts: 4543
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FNJ
2010 SLF Tag Champ
Joined: Jun 07 2006
Posts: 12294
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are there really guidlines for what makes porn good or bad?
maybe we should set some do's and don'ts.
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Char Aznable
Title: Char Classic™
Joined: Jul 24 2006
Location: Robot Boombox HQ
Posts: 7542
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I'm not much for ass licking in porn. I find it disgusting.
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FNJ
2010 SLF Tag Champ
Joined: Jun 07 2006
Posts: 12294
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i think we can add girls who are so bad at faking it that it's obvious.
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Tishwitch
Title: PornStarExtraordinaire
Joined: Jul 01 2006
Location: Winter Wonderland
Posts: 1409
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| Char Aznable wrote: |
| I'm not much for ass licking in porn. I find it disgusting. |
I don't usually agree with Char... but ass licking? why? As Lever 2000 soap commercial has reminded us, we have 2000 parts, and I'd rather see the other 1999 of them get licked.
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FNJ
2010 SLF Tag Champ
Joined: Jun 07 2006
Posts: 12294
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I should have known tish would show up once we mentioned fucking.
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Valdronius
Moderator
Title: SydLexia COO
Joined: Aug 22 2005
Location: The Great White North
Posts: 4465
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I don't consider rectallingus fucking.
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| Klimbatize wrote: |
| A Hispanic dude living in Arizona knows a lot of Latinas? That's fucking odd. |
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Char Aznable
Title: Char Classic™
Joined: Jul 24 2006
Location: Robot Boombox HQ
Posts: 7542
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Ah, yes. The Bill Clinton defense.
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Tishwitch
Title: PornStarExtraordinaire
Joined: Jul 01 2006
Location: Winter Wonderland
Posts: 1409
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| JEW wrote: |
| I should have known tish would show up once we mentioned fucking. |
I'll never have to worry that I'll go unnoticed, so long as you're around.
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Knyte
2010 SLF Tag Champ*
Title: Curator Of The VGM
Joined: Nov 01 2006
Location: Here I am.
Posts: 6749
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GOOD PORN RULE #2
Nothing that involves Urine/Feces/Vomit.
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Valdronius
Moderator
Title: SydLexia COO
Joined: Aug 22 2005
Location: The Great White North
Posts: 4465
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Good Porn Rule #3
One penis per hole. Period.
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| Klimbatize wrote: |
| A Hispanic dude living in Arizona knows a lot of Latinas? That's fucking odd. |
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Syd Lexia
Site Admin
Title: Pop Culture Junkie
Joined: Jul 30 2005
Location: Wakefield, MA
Posts: 24887
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Good Porn Rule #4:
None of that Japanese/Korean bullshit. Fucking mosiacs.
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Char Aznable
Title: Char Classic™
Joined: Jul 24 2006
Location: Robot Boombox HQ
Posts: 7542
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Good Porn Rule #5: No ass-licking.
Good Porn Rule #6: No fat-fetish porn. That's just disgusting.
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Rycona
Moderator
Title: The Maestro
Joined: Nov 01 2005
Location: Away from Emerald Weapon
Posts: 2815
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Good Porn Rule #7: No models that may be 18, but look like their 12-14 (i.e. Tight Magazine).
Good Porn Rule #8: No old people. Some MILF/cougar action is acceptable, but draw a line, please.
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RIP Hacker. |
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Tishwitch
Title: PornStarExtraordinaire
Joined: Jul 01 2006
Location: Winter Wonderland
Posts: 1409
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Good Porn Rule #9: Just because he has a 15" shlong, doesn't mean he should be in a porn... If he looks like your alcoholic-unemployed-overweight-bald uncle Larry, he should stay that way.
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Knyte
2010 SLF Tag Champ*
Title: Curator Of The VGM
Joined: Nov 01 2006
Location: Here I am.
Posts: 6749
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| Tishwitch wrote: |
| Good Porn Rule #9: Just because he has a 15" shlong, doesn't mean he should be in a porn... If he looks like your alcoholic-unemployed-overweight-bald uncle Larry, he should stay that way. |
We realize that you pair up ugly, non-sexy men with beautiful women to try to give ugly, non-sexy men hope that they too can get with a beautiful woman, but the truth is, they can't. Unless they are millionares they will not legally score with a hot chick. So, quit putting them in the damn films. In fact, if you are making a porn film specifically for guys, then we want to see the guys as little as possible. Put a bag over their head, or only shoot the body part nessicary for the scene.
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Rycona
Moderator
Title: The Maestro
Joined: Nov 01 2005
Location: Away from Emerald Weapon
Posts: 2815
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Good Porn Rule #10: In heterosexual scenes, dildoes or any other phallic paraphernalia should not be present and/or used in sneak attacks against the male. That's just not cool and I don't give a shit if he may like it.
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RIP Hacker. |
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Syd Lexia
Site Admin
Title: Pop Culture Junkie
Joined: Jul 30 2005
Location: Wakefield, MA
Posts: 24887
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| Knyte wrote: |
| We realize that you pair up ugly, non-sexy men with beautiful women to try to give ugly, non-sexy men hope that they too can get with a beautiful woman, but the truth is, they can't. Unless they are millionares they will not legally score with a hot chick. So, quit putting them in the damn films. In fact, if you are making a porn film specifically for guys, then we want to see the guys as little as possible. Put a bag over their head, or only shoot the body part nessicary for the scene. |
Yeah, the guy in a porn scene should be as nondescript as possible. He should have no distinguishing features whatsoever, ESPECIALLY tattoos. There's this one douchebag that Naughty America uses who has a band of shotgun shells tattooed around one of his legs and it totally kills scenes for me. It doesn't matter how hot the actress is, I can't watch scenes with this guy cuz his tattoo is so fucking stupid.
And someone should totally split this topic.
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Rycona
Moderator
Title: The Maestro
Joined: Nov 01 2005
Location: Away from Emerald Weapon
Posts: 2815
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| Syd Lexia wrote: |
| And someone should totally split this topic. |
=-=puts on a Moses costume and holds up his staff=-=
......
Abacadabra!
......
Open Sesame!
......
Sim Sim Saala Bim!
......
I give up. 
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RIP Hacker. |
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Tishwitch
Title: PornStarExtraordinaire
Joined: Jul 01 2006
Location: Winter Wonderland
Posts: 1409
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Good Porn Rule #11: If she's got an active STD, let it clear up before filming... nothing turns me off more than a red inflamed/spotted vajayjay! Porn stars can have all the diseases they want, just as long as we can't tell!
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Char Aznable
Title: Char Classic™
Joined: Jul 24 2006
Location: Robot Boombox HQ
Posts: 7542
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Good Porn Rule #12: Just because she has a vagina doesn't mean we want to see said vagina. I'm tired of seeing porn where the girl's snatch has been blown to shit.
Good Porn Rule #13: Just because an object fits in some orifice doesn't mean it should go in there.
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JStrangiato
Title: El Hombre Strangiato
Joined: Jun 12 2007
Location: Texas
Posts: 1291
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Best. Topic. Ever.
My rule:
Good porn rule #13: No pets allowed.
Good porn rule #37: Dead bodies should not be included. EVER.
See if anyone catches the reference.
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My music/humor blog (R.I.P.): http://lavidastrangiato.blogspot.com/
| Chondra "Mrs. Claudio" Sanchez on Enshin a.k.a. Jake Strangiato wrote: |
| I really like this person. |
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S. McCracken
Moderator
Title: Enforcer
Joined: Aug 22 2005
Location: Massachusetts
Posts: 2171
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NO SLO-MO.
There a certain director, Nick Orleans, who switches from real-time, to slow-mo, back and forth, making it impossible to fap to.
Syd, that tattoo guy is EVERYWHERE, and he and other distinguishable gonzo actors and actresses ruin the "legitimacy" of any site he's on. I get that the lady he's banging isn't really his boss, and that girl getting gangbanged might not actually be a MILF picked up at a supermarket, but seeing the same people over and over again (especially if they are "unique") reminds me of how much these actors jump from site to site, and ruins any illusion that these girls were "picked up in a van" or "failed a class".
I want generically hot chicks to bang non-descript males.
No titless chicks. No bodily waste.
Smoking is not sexy. Excessive pain (piercing/cutting/punching/burning) is not sexy.
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Knyte
2010 SLF Tag Champ*
Title: Curator Of The VGM
Joined: Nov 01 2006
Location: Here I am.
Posts: 6749
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That's a good point. Why is it that in a all the "Hot Teacher seduces student" videos, the "Student" looks like a 30 year old douchebag? I mean, get like a 19 year old or something, whatever happened to realism?
And if you are going to try to make a story/plot for your movie, just use cards inbetween scenes to tell us the story. Your cum-dumpsters can't act, nor should they even try.
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