Street Fighter Zero 2 Alpha

Can you prove that you suffer from autism more than your friends do? Test your true strength as a "street fighter" in the on-line arena of friendless elitists, against people who have devoted countless hours to perfecting cheap, repetitive strategies that are no fun whatsoever to fight against, and in fact give no satisfaction whatsoever to the individuals that use them. What else do you expect of the members of a dwindling community for an obscure fighting game? It's going to be composed of people who play due to being cheap whores and pathologically addicted losers. Hadoken! Shoryuken! This time it's personal!



The Specialists

Just take what I said about Street Fighter and replace "Street Fighter" with "The Specialists", and "fighting game" with "shooting game".

Nintendo Wii

Overclocked gamecube with reduced control due to increased "interactivity". Low digital precision, "new" gameplay! Did I hear someone say repackaged gamecube with a dumb controller? I think I just heard someone say repackaged gamecube with a dumb controller.

Baseball

Baseball is for people who yell at their TV while they let their dogs sit on the couch. Most baseball fans like to drink beer, or if they're extreme douchebags, wine. Being intoxicated helps them forget what washed-up losers they are for actually enjoying the most boring sport in the world, as they vicariously partake in athleticism in a boisterous, heated display of pseudo competitive bravado. Baseball fans like to attatch their ego onto the team of their choosing as a replacement for having their own beliefs, as they're too weak minded and co-dependent to stand on their own without a bunch of like minded circle jerk losers to team up with.