When life gives you lemons, you should put them in a big burlap sack, and proceed to beat the freckles off the next screwball who starts yawning hackneyed proverbs at you. Not really though, violence never solved anything, well except for disputes!

I've never told anyone, but I write poetry when I have exorbitant amounts of solitude on hand, and then I immediately delete it, because no one deserves to be subjected to the poetry of others.

I just realized I haven't the foggiest idea what a flamingo smells like, however I think I'm coming to terms with that, it's just something I'll have to live with.

You know that sense where it feels like you're walking around with your shirt on inside inside out, but it's just a feeling deep down in your heart and your shirt is totally fine, well except for that persistent mustard stain? Mustard can be a bastard sometimes.

You also can't seem to remember the last time you had cream soda, but you don't even like cream soda, so you feel like a foreigner trapped in hostile territory but it's actually your own head? When you think maybe you kind of need a hug, but everyone you encounter is wearing itchy looking sweaters plus they all smell weird, like lavender?

That's the root of that feeling you're having trouble nailing down, that lavender smells terrible. No sir, I don't like it.

I talk all day for a living, so I don't often have anything interesting to say as work related mental fatigue has become a way of life at this point. I always deplete my conversation meter in the cubicle farm and I've yet to find a reliable potion for replenishing it. Resting just hastens the start of the next randomly generated mission, and fast traveling was never my style.

Even when I do manage an utterance I am hit with the epiphany that the speech center of my brain is permanently damaged now, as every sentence comes out of my world hole sounding crude and insipid. See? "word hole", almost unforgivable!

Sometimes I give up on traditional methods, and attempt communication through exaggerated facial expressions that only I and weirdos like myself are trained in the proper execution thereof. So if you notice me casting a peculiar gaze in your general direction, I'm probably trying to tell you something, like:

"You're actually a pretty cool dude when you decide to act like a human being", or perhaps: "I care about you in a severely sappy and antiquated manner", or even: "Hey those are freaking schweet toe socks, I approve of your kooky fashion sense!"

Often I'm trying to express that I feel like some two bit Gordon Gekko impersonator kidnapped me and stuffed me in to one of those big ass tractor tires you see laying about, then pushed it down a hill while I was still scrambling for reliable handholds.

That bastard just stood there sucking on an over sized cigar while reeking of cologne, and prattling on in to one of those reprehensible blue tooth headsets about jet skiing, but he kept calling it power cruising, because he's a vibrating douche waffle like that.

Power cruising sounds like some business executive euphemism for soliciting prostitution, but I digress.

You know that feeling when you would do anything you reasonably could to make someone smile, because they really look like they need it? Don't let that feeling slip away when it occurs, and follow through on it even if you're scared or nervous or embarrassed.

It's one of the purest emotions available in this dimension if you want my asinine opinion, and this world and all the people in it and the things they do to each other can sometimes have a nasty way of getting under one's skin and tarnishing that part of your spirit, if you allow it to happen that is!

Notice and cherish those small moments before they float away as they are wont to do. Earnest smiles, unexpected kindness, spontaneous laughter, random embraces, selfless charity, private conversations. Those are the brightly colored threads that liven up the tapestry of existence, hidden away amongst the myriad dun charcoal and umber strands.

I still haven't figured out what the tapestry is a picture of, because I haven't stepped far back enough to see the whole picture yet, no matter how many times I've tried. it's just too damned big I suppose, but that's okay.

It just better not be something obnoxious when I finally see it, like a tapestry of a burning clown falling out of a lemon tree, I'll be really disappointed. Wait, that would actually be kind of awesome, so never mind.