This is a thread dedicated to the great writings on the back of the game box. The writings for this generation are so boring. The old-school stuff writers came up with picturesque descriptions, cool phrases, and such to make you want to buy games. There is such an enthusiasm in these descriptions -- "EIGHT SMOKING MEGABITS!!". What are your favorite game descriptions on the back of a game box? Are there any sites that host the text of such a thing? Here are some of my favorite game descriptions found on the back of the case.

Super Mario Bros.
[SPOILER:a74f450e95]Do you have what it takes to save the Mushroom Princess?

You'll have to think fast and move even faster to complete this quest! The Mushroom Princess is being held captive by the evil Koopa tribe of turtles. It's up to you to rescue her from the clutches of the Koopa King before time runs out. But it won't be easy. To get to the Princess, you'll have to climb mountains, cross seas, avoid bottomless pits, fight off turtle soldiers and a host of black magic traps that only a Koopa King can devise. It's another non-stop adventure from the SUPER MARIO BROS. ![/SPOILER:a74f450e95]
Forgotten Worlds
[SPOILER:a74f450e95]The planet used to be beautiful, with gorgeous cities and gleaming countrysides. Until the Aliens attacked! With fire, bombs, and napalm they devastated the world! They made the planet so abominable that it became an outcast in the universe — the Forgotten World.

Until you, the Nameless One, appear. You're a Super Warrior of incredible power and energy. You make it your business to reclaim the planet for its rightful owners — the Human Beings.

Face the fists of Iron Warlord! Dodge the scorching breath of Dust Dragon! Blast Zipper Worms, Reptillian Thugs, Spydrobots and the acid-belching Paramecium in desperate battles of life and death!

Survive the fiends and bizarre creatures of seven different levels to face the King of Aliens — the War Tyrant. You must free the planet and reclaim its original name: Earth! Can you do it?[/SPOILER:a74f450e95]
Streets of Rage
[SPOILER:a74f450e95]GREAT 2 PLAYER ACTION!!

Axel, Adam and Blaze—ex-cops, the solution to punk pollution. The city's a war zone, and they're going out two at a time to give the gangs a kick in the guts.

This is the ultimate in street combat. These city fighters are martial arts maniacs with a battery of 40 individually controllable attacks — including jabs, head butts, and overhead kicks. They're up against a mob of Kung-Fu creeps and axe hurling fiends.

On the streets it's only two of them against hordes of attacking scum. Slam into pipe-wielding weirdos and bash 'em with their own metal. Throw an uppercut or an elbow smash — these goons keep comin'.[/SPOILER:a74f450e95]
Zombies Ate My Neighbors
[SPOILER:a74f450e95] The neighbors are just dying to meet you!.
Hey, where's that scary music coming from? Yikes! It's Zombies Ate My Neighbors,™ where you appear in every demented horror flick ever to make you hurl ju-jubes.

Who could put this SLICE of suburbia in such goose-pimply hysteria? Zombies, relentless Chainsaw Maniacs, Mummies, Evil Dolls that just won't die, Lizard Man, Blobs, Vampires, Giant Ants, Martians and more.

What are two wholesome teenage stars doing in a 16-bit game like this?! Trying to save the nice neighbors, cheerleaders and babies from a fate worse than polyester!

Will these crazy kids survive the night? You can fend off the freaks with a virtual candy counter of weapons like uzi squirt guns, exploding soda pop, bazookas, weed wackers and ancient artifacts. Also grab power ups-o-rama like secret potions and bobo clown decoys. Use your victim radar viewer. Does this game ever end?

Where else will they turn up? Find your way through 55 horror-filled levels like a grocery store gone bad, a shopping mall awry, a mysterious island and your own back yard. Don't miss "Weird Kids on the Block," "Mars Needs Cheerleaders" and "Dance With Werewolves".

Play! Zombies Ate My Neighbors. But don't be surprised if your friends are missing when you hear the sound of the chainsaw hissing![/SPOILER:a74f450e95]

Rolling Thunder 2
[SPOILER:a74f450e95] Brutal business: Infiltrate and Destroy.

Jackhammering machine-gun fire forces you to dive for cover through exploding grenades and spent shell casings. Wiping off powder burns, choking on smoky air; It's now or never. Take aim, and empty your magazine, spinning to drop that last terrorist creep behind you. Fingers numb from recoil you slam your last clip into your pistol...time to move on.
As super agent Leila or Albatross, only you command the street smarts and weapons expertise to thwart Geldra's plan for world domination.
In ROLLING THUNDER 2, you'll infiltrate an evil empire that spans the globe from Miami's palm trees to Giza's towering pyramids.
-Eight smoking megabits.
-Team up with a fellow agent for killer two player simultaneous action.
-Infinite continues with password.[/SPOILER:a74f450e95]
Contra: Hard Corps
[SPOILER:a74f450e95]
Kickin'
Cyborg
Butt...

That's what it's all about dude. Jack into this game of genetic engineering gone bad. Real bad. It's five years after the mother of all wars ended--and things still aren't right. Your job is to fix it.

The ever-popular Contra series makes its Sega™ Genesis™ debut with a pulse-pounding new story line. At 16 megs, HARD CORPS pushes the technology to bring you over ten gut-wrenching levels with huge boss characters, great graphics and dynamic sound. Find high-powered weapons such as the homing gun, crush gun, needle laser or mine setter. Do you think you can handle it? Trust me, you can't.

You still here? Okay, then get ready for the fight of your life. Pick one of the four heroes and begin your search across many dark levels of doom. The ending changes, depending on the paths you choose--but every path crosses boss characters that will blow you away. Literally[/SPOILER:a74f450e95]

It should be.

I think I will take it upon myself to analyze the language used to describe these games. What are the common words? Are the statements usually affirmative statements? To do this I will need more feedback on what game description they like the best.

I bought Wario World off eBay recently and the back of the box and instruction manual are very creative. The back of the box very much reminds me of the oldschool stuff on Genesis backcovers.

Quote:

READY TO RUMBLE WITH WARIO? You'd BETTER be ready, punk! Some evil jewel transformed all of my treasure into monsters, and now I gotta go to this weird world and beat it out of 'em! There are plenty of goons waiting for a shot at old Wario, but don't worry about me, baby—I'm ready to brawl! I'll be throwing punches, charging through crowds, and piledriving ugly mugs right and left. What you gotta worry about is keeping me alive. Can you handle that, or do I have to give you a knuckle sandwich too?

I changed the thread title because I want to have a conversation about the descriptor "slow" in relation to videogames. I at one point in another forum had brought up the argument that a game being described as slow by the first people to play the demo (the game in question was Super Smash Bros. Brawl) was bad as no one in advertising would ever use the word slow to describe a game product. I even challenged persons to use slow to describe a game in a way that sounded positive. This wasn't done -- the persons could not use slow as a standalone word and had to contrast it with the words of too fast.

The challenge here would be to come up with the inverse of what makes exciting game descriptions and study them to see what they can be applied to for games people like.

I just got Rolling Thunder 3 in the mail today. The back of the game box isn't trying to tell you a story; it is describing mechanics in a bulletpoint format like games of today. 8 smoking megabits are now '12 Packed Megs'.



Uploaded with ImageShack.us

I have a copy of this book. It's very interesting to read it and look at all the exciting verb usage during that time period (circa 1989). I figure a book talking about what to do to win in games could give us insight into entertaining videogame lingo used on back-of-boxes. Look below to see a specific verbs being used throughout the book.

Quote:

HIT: 'hit you' 'hit it squarely on the head.' 'get in those hits fast'. 'you’ll know when you hit it.' 'keep hitting the Golem until it dies.' 'several hits to destroy.' 'get in enough hits and it will die.' 'get a few early hits in.' 'hit them.' 'hit them again.''hitting them with a newspaper.' 'You won’t get points, just a moment’s peace of mind.' 'hit back.' 'Hit her as many times possible' [ed. note: this last sentence is from the SuperMan NES videogame] KILL: 'kill you,' 'kill them as they arrive.' 'kill em.' 'kill Monsters when they appear.' 'kill the squids.' 'easily killed with a few shots.' 'killing a Babylon Monster.' 'keep killing monsters.' 'Obtain Energy by killing Monsters if you need it.' 'kill them all.' 'do some killing in the next room.' 'you’ll frequently kill them.' SHOOT: 'shoot.' 'shoot these.' 'shot intercept it.' 'shooting bad guys.' 'keep shooting.' 'shoot it...and shoot again.' 'your first shot will accomplish nothing, but knock the creatures back.' 'These can and must be shot.' 'shoot carefully!' 'shoot these or duck ‘em, the choice is yours.' 'you’ll be shooting blind for brief periods.' 'shoot while you move.' 'shoot your way through.' 'shooting down enemies.' 'shoot the Red planes.' 'shooting vultures or pigs.' 'start shooting.' 'However, if you’ve got guts, keep shooting at them: As long as you’re willing to play chicken, they’re willing to feed you points.' RID: 'Rid the screen of enemies' DEFEAT: 'Defeat them.' 'defeat him' SWARM: 'they’ll SWARM around you...' SLAUGHTER: '...and SLAUGHTER you' BLAST: 'Blast the foul furry fiends.' 'blast the wall.' 'blast the exitway and release more monsters.' 'blasting enemies.' 'blasting foes.' 'bubbleblast the column fire was on' BATTLE: 'Battle boss' HEAVE: 'immediately begin heaving axes or fireballs' TOUCH: 'if it touches you, you die.' 'if they touch you, it’s bye-bye.' CLOBBER: 'Clobber the would-be killer.' 'when clobbered' FIGHT: 'Fight this ugly.' 'fight your way through.' 'fight the Demon-Monster.' 'fight against time.' SLAY: 'these pains must be slain.''Slay them.' 'slay its master.' 'easily slain' SCORCH: 'Scorch the Killer Tree to death' ATTACK: 'Attack the head' RAP: 'Rap the tentacled twit in the mouth' SMASH: 'Smash them' DESTROY: 'Destroy the Crane Caterpillar.' 'destroy them both.' 'destroy it.' 'destroy you from behind.' 'The Monsters are easy to destroy, as videogame Monsters go.' 'destroy the rows of turrets.' 'destroying soldiers and vehicles.' 'destroy a helicoptor with a grenade.' 'destroy things' SEND: 'Send it to toad heaven.' BEAT: 'Beat up the first one.' 'beating it will be a cinch.' 'beat the living daylights out of them.' 'beats them out of enemies' NAIL: 'Nail more monsters' HUNT: 'Hunted them down' BOMB: 'Bomb it' KICK: 'Kick against the first attackers.' 'kick your enemies in the head.' 'kicking foes.' 'kick him in the back of the head.' 'jump kick the creep before he can throw it.' 'stay between them, Jump Kicking left and right until they die' [ed. note: my favorite excerpt from the book]. 'kick some fender' PICK: 'Pick it up, and use it as a weapon.' 'pick him off from behind his captive' CHUCK: 'Chuck it at the hostile dude' KNOCK: 'Knock them right off the ledge' LASH: 'Lash her' BEST: 'Best him.' 'best the fiend' WHIP: 'Whip this warrior.' 'whip them off a ledge.' 'easy to whip' GRAB: 'You grab a fistful of hair, pull their forehead repeatedly against your knee, then...' TOSS: '...toss them over your shoulder!' PUNISH: 'Punish the rat for throwing it.' LAUNCH: 'Launch an attack against the second Knife thrower who will appear.' 'launch a hearty Flying Body Attack' GRIND: 'Grind you to a pulp.' USE: 'use a drop kick to beat them.' BOP them with the club. ALLOW: 'Allow one of them to...' DISARM: '...disarm you' HURT: 'they hurt you; a few taps, and you’re dead. Game over.' 'You’ll hurt him before he can hurt you.' BLOW: 'Blow it up.' 'blow an enemy to nuts and bolts.' SIZZLE: 'sizzle one Mouth to oblivion.' BACK'EM: 'If you back'em into lava, they won't be returning.' ZAP: 'one zap, and you’re toast' RUN OVER: T'o begin with, run over Soldiers. Don’t feel bad: They’ll destroy you if they can.' THROW: 'Throw everything in your stockpile at it' CRUSH: 'you will be crushed and lose a life' PLUG: 'that’s the best time to plug them' Fire: 'Firing constantly.' 'keep firing at them.' 'fire at the multitude of enemies.' 'fire a laserlike blast.' 'steady fire and sweep from side to side.' 'fire into its face.' 'spray fire. hold your fire' CLAIM: 'Claim your Legs...Don’t worry if you lose these in combat--another of each follows quickly.' CLIP: 'Clip a few monsters' Zonk: 'easy to zonk' VAPORIZE: 'Vaporize the Lisers' ZAP: 'Zapping every turret' SPRAY: 'Spraying gunfire' KNOCKOUT: 'Knockout the four engines' DEAL: 'Deal with them' WHACK: 'Whack left, right, center' PUNCH: 'Punch the other monster' KNOCK: 'Knock it down' BASH: 'Bash it in the head while it’s descending. bash.' 'just bash.' WHOMP: 'Whomp them' LAND: 'Land a good, solid Uppercut' TAKE: 'Take the bullet hits' WIPE OUT: 'Wipe out every airborne enemy on the screen.' STAB: 'Stab him.' 'stab it in the front of the helmet' **** Random fun stuff in the book: 'it doesn’t matter if you die' 'If you really want to boost your score, die here...'

Writing style is just about the same as what's on the back of game boxes.