SydLexia.com - The Forums :: View topic - 6 Reasons The Guy who's fixing your computer hates you.

Posted: Aug 19 2011 04:59 pm

I don't make a habit of posting Cracked Articles but I couldn't resist on this one.

GP, thought of you the whole time I read this.

http://www.cracked.com/blog/6-reasons-guy-whos-fixing-your-computer-hates-you/

#6. Future Computer Problems Are Not Automatically My Fault
#5. Expect One More Person for Dinner
#4. Assigning Blame Is Not a Priority
#3. Don't Ask Me How to Make Your 10-Year-Old PC Faster
#2. Toolbars Are Bad News
#1. "Wipe" Means EVERYTHING

If you want to know what the article means in detail, take your lazy ass to the link and read it.

Hilarious article if you've ever been this guy.
(and I would say some of us on this forum have fallen into those "assholes" spots)

Joined: May 22 2008 Location: Goshen, VA Posts: 6544

Internets forums.

Posted: Aug 19 2011 05:50 pm

I'm that guy.

Gallery 2 · Posted: Aug 19 2011 06:15 pm

Let's see... Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes and, what's that word I'm looking for... Ah yeah, YES!

In all these years I think I only met like ONE person who actually asked the right questions ("i.e. Can you teach me how to deal with this problem in the future?") and in fact hasn't had any computer issues afterwards in the remarks of actually listening to advice.

Otherwise I avoid as much as possible these kind of people, since I get #6 a LOT...

Joined: Apr 09 2008 Location: Pennsylvania Posts: 3112

I really like John Cheese's articles. He digs humor out of the weirdest places, making funny observations while simultaneously making interesting poignant commentary. He's sort of like if Blue Collar Comedy Tour didn't suck.

Posted: Aug 19 2011 08:23 pm

I love John Cheese. Many times I leave his articles feeling enlightened. This was one of the less inspiring ones, but it was hilarious.

Joined: Dec 06 2007 Location: Connecticut Posts: 11244

Atma wrote:

GP, thought of you the whole time I read this.
...
#6. Future Computer Problems Are Not Automatically My Fault
#5. Expect One More Person for Dinner
#4. Assigning Blame Is Not a Priority
#3. Don't Ask Me How to Make Your 10-Year-Old PC Faster
#2. Toolbars Are Bad News
#1. "Wipe" Means EVERYTHING

Fun find!

(This is written to the collective "you", not directed at Atma or any other forumer, just general tech experience)

#6 - Mostly true. Another way of wording it. If you need me to fix your shit, you fucked it up bad enough that me breaking it further is your fault anyways. The shit I need to do goes wrong sometimes and it isn't my fault that I need to do it. You should have avoided bringing things to that point.

#5 - I lost a client this year because of this. Yes, if you don't do a CHKDSK before I get there on a full server hard disk raid array migration, I will do one for you. Yes I am going to charge you while I am on site. Yes it will take a long time. No I don't give a fuck if you think this is bullshit, this is the right way to do it. I gave the guy a lot of warnings about what we were doing, and he just didn't believe me that it was going to take a while. The transfer went along perfectly and I picked up speed on the back end of the transfer because I didn't have to worry about errors or corruption.

#4 - I don't give a fuck that your son downloaded porn or that you have an odd fetish. Please don't talk to me about who needs to download kitty screensavers. Just stop doing it.

#3 - Syd.

#2 - Browser toolbars are like suction cup devices on a windshield of a car. One might be ok if it is the right one, but two is too many.

#1 - Don't worry, I backed your shit up for you because I knew ahead of time you would fuck this up.

Posted: Aug 19 2011 11:36 pm

GPFontaine wrote:

Atma wrote:

#3. Don't Ask Me How to Make Your 10-Year-Old PC Faster

#3 - Syd.

lol

Posted: Aug 19 2011 11:57 pm

Yeah this article is pretty good. I get a lot of questions from my family because my Dad likes to tell them that I've built computers and I keep theirs running. My step-mom downloads all those "free" games and shit and then sits and bitches that her computer is slow after I've told her at least 100 times that they are the cause of it. It wasn't until her copy of Windows got corrupted that she realized maybe I was right. Honestly nothing is more annoying than someone who calls me up and expects me to tell them how to fix something over the phone and precedes to ignore anything I tell them, advice or otherwise. I've gotten to the point where I just tell them, "I can't do anything unless you bring me the thing or I come see it." Hate trying to explain to someone who knows fuck all about computers over the phone. I always know I'm in for a treat when they finally figure out how to get into the case and start muttering in amazement about how it looks and how dusty it is in there. "That's all there is to a computer? Wow!" "Yeah, you know what? I can't help you anymore because that statement just told me for sure that anything I say from now on will be A) Ignored and B) Not Understood. Why don't you take your shoes off, plug that back in, turn it on, spill some water on the floor, stand in it, and grab one of the card shaped things buddy."

Posted: Aug 20 2011 12:03 am

lol I'm laughing so hard Bum because isn't that almost exactly how our conversation went? Except I was still listening to everything you said.

Posted: Aug 20 2011 12:05 am

Kind of, but you were at least asking sensible questions and not being like "Hey look at the shiny silver thing there, what /is/ that?" while I'm banging my head on the desk trying not to attempt to murder you with mind bullets. Plus to be fair Sony has stupidly difficult cases to get into apparently. Probably to stop you from opening them and realizing all the shit inside is outdated by a year when you first buy it.

Joined: Jun 08 2010 Location: Termina Field Posts: 1541

Beach Bum wrote:

Why don't you take your shoes off, plug that back in, turn it on, spill some water on the floor, stand in it, and grab one of the card shaped things buddy."

I should use this phrase when trying to help someone fix their computer, which is never, since I can lose patience with people very quickly.

Posted: Aug 20 2011 05:08 am

Almost every one of those offenses has been committed by my mother toward me.

Posted: Aug 21 2011 02:19 am

GPFontaine wrote:

#2 - Browser toolbars are like suction cup devices on a windshield of a car. One might be ok if it is the right one, but two is too many.

OH I'm borrowing this analogy, maybe I can get through to the old timers that mangle the break room computers!

Posted: Aug 21 2011 12:30 pm

lordsathien wrote:

Almost every one of those offenses has been committed by my mother toward me.

My parents are actually pretty decent with computers. My mom can even fix them up when something goes wrong and my Dad at least knows how to install parts and do a google search before calling me to tell me what he thinks is wrong with it. My step-mom is the worst about it and has committed most of these offenses. My Grandma is only guilty of asking me to upgrade her computer that is so old it has 256mb of RAM and a 40gb hard drive. I got on it one day and it struggles to even load the desktop in under 5 minutes and I told her I'd just build her a new one because to fix it I'd have to replace damn near everything inside it anyway.

Posted: Aug 21 2011 01:04 pm

This list was a good laugh. Thanks for posting it, Atma, and I enjoyed Sir Jeep's commentary.

I'm thinking, overall, it's best to not let friends and family know whether or not you are generally knowledgeable with computers. My expertise basically consists of using the right computer programs or browser add-ons and avoiding sketch shit, and then checking with Mr. Google for any other questions that might come up. But if you do so much as delete a toolbar, you are automatically "that dude who can fix my shit," and once you're that person any advice you offer is immediately forgotten in seconds.

I'm definitely not on Sir Jeep's level with this sort of thing, but man.

Joined: Apr 09 2008 Location: Pennsylvania Posts: 3112

One downside to the article is that it reminded me that it's been a while since my sister downloaded an "antivirus program." There's nothing like trying to tell her how to remove a virus over the phone after she deleted all of the programs I put on there the last time. Now I'm nervous.

2011 SNES Champ Joined: Dec 04 2006 Posts: 1929

My father sucks with computers, but at least he's not too interested in them. It gets annoying to explain to him how to send emails though :/

I haven't helped many people with computers, but when I did I was lucky enough for them to actually listen to advice, like "don't put your sound drivers in the trash bin" Very Happy

Joined: Dec 06 2007 Location: Connecticut Posts: 11244

I cannot stress how much I appreciate the combination of

1. Security Essentials (free antivirus)
2. Chrome (Secure Browser)
3. WOT (mywot.com site security rating extension)

I don't know of anyone who I have setup with this combo that has gotten a virus from browsing the web.

Posted: Aug 21 2011 07:27 pm

The guys fixing my computer hate me? I just go to Geek Squad with my credit card out and do and buy whatever they tell me to. Pretty sure they're big fans of me.

Joined: Dec 06 2007 Location: Connecticut Posts: 11244

Klimbatize wrote:

The guys fixing my computer hate me? I just go to Geek Squad with my credit card out and do and buy whatever they tell me to. Pretty sure they're big fans of me.

Best Buy corporate might be, but the guys getting $10 an hour to clean up your shitstorm of a mess are probably doing what every other low wage worker does. Complaining about how they don't get paid enough to put up with your shit.

At least that is what I imagine they do.

Once again, not specifically you, the "general you"

Posted: Aug 21 2011 10:58 pm

GPFontaine wrote:

Klimbatize wrote:

The guys fixing my computer hate me? I just go to Geek Squad with my credit card out and do and buy whatever they tell me to. Pretty sure they're big fans of me.

Best Buy corporate might be, but the guys getting $10 an hour to clean up your shitstorm of a mess are probably doing what every other low wage worker does. Complaining about how they don't get paid enough to put up with your shit.

At least that is what I imagine they do.

Once again, not specifically you, the "general you"

Oh no this is definitely what they do. I worked at Best Buy for a while and those guys bitched constantly, can't say I blamed them, because they got paid next to nothing for something they could easily make three times that doing freelance. Plus having to deal with the insane old ladies that brought in computers with cockroaches fried on the motherboard just made that job suck even worse. Thankfully I just worked in the warehouse and spent most of my time waiting on shipments and looking at lolcats...

Posted: Aug 22 2011 03:56 pm

Well, to clear things up I've never taken my computer to Best Buy. I was just making a dumb joke.

But even if they're annoyed, don't they have certain sales levels to meet? So a guy walking in willing to do anything the Geek Squad wants has to be welcomed on some level.

Joined: Dec 06 2007 Location: Connecticut Posts: 11244

Klimbatize wrote:

Well, to clear things up I've never taken my computer to Best Buy. I was just making a dumb joke.

But even if they're annoyed, don't they have certain sales levels to meet? So a guy walking in willing to do anything the Geek Squad wants has to be welcomed on some level.

When I used to work at a supermarket I was a bagger, do you think I gave a shit when I told a customer that their eggs should be bagged separately so that the detergent didn't make them gross and crush them and the customer agreed or disagreed?

People who work for minimum wage aren't in those jobs for the fun of it. They want cash. Sure some gigs may be better than others, but lets be honest, they genuinely don't give a fuck if you listen or not because they are going to do the same thing either way. They'll take your shit, put it on a shelf and get to it when they feel like it.

Posted: Aug 22 2011 04:12 pm

Yeah, but you missed my point. Don't they have sales quotas to meet? They need to do a certain amount of business to meet budget or something? Pretty sure Geek Squad does.

That's different from a bagger who has no goals to meet.