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Posted: May 25 2011 07:20 pm

@om*d wrote:

The Flaming Schnitzel wrote:

@om*d wrote:

The Flaming Schnitzel wrote:

I've been meaning to tell you.....I'm your daughter.

And how old are you?

17.

Well, I am 27 and I don't recall having sex until I was 13... and I would have been 10 when you were born, so I don't think I am your father. Unless maybe it was the alternate version of me that traveled back in time to the days of Final Fantasy and ended up instead in 1985 and then I would have been maybe 9 or 10, but actually 32 or 33 since I was 23 when I went back in time or whatever the fuck I am talking about.

We may need Maury Povich in here.

I was born in September of '93.....what were you doing in December of '92???

UsaSatsui's Youtube Channel · Posted: May 25 2011 07:44 pm

I keep reading this topic as "How many people have you banned"

Posted: May 25 2011 07:46 pm

Well, how many?

Posted: May 25 2011 08:58 pm

The Flaming Schnitzel wrote:

@om*d wrote:

The Flaming Schnitzel wrote:

@om*d wrote:

The Flaming Schnitzel wrote:

I've been meaning to tell you.....I'm your daughter.

And how old are you?

17.

Well, I am 27 and I don't recall having sex until I was 13... and I would have been 10 when you were born, so I don't think I am your father. Unless maybe it was the alternate version of me that traveled back in time to the days of Final Fantasy and ended up instead in 1985 and then I would have been maybe 9 or 10, but actually 32 or 33 since I was 23 when I went back in time or whatever the fuck I am talking about.

We may need Maury Povich in here.

I was born in September of '93.....what were you doing in December of '92???

I was traveling across the country on my way to California.

Posted: May 25 2011 09:02 pm

Douche McCallister wrote:

I stopped having non relationship sex when every time it happened I received a call saying, "Don't freak out, but I'm late." You know what, don't call me until you're showing.

If I had a dollar for everytime someone said "I'm late" I'd be out of debt by now. Not nearly as bad as getting the call saying "You gave me herpes." Of course I didn't and have never had any sort of VD, but still terrifying. To this day I don't know if she actually now has herpes and I dodged a fucking bullet or if she was psychotic and was pulling a stunt cause she knew I was never gonna call her again. My money is on the latter.

Posted: May 25 2011 09:04 pm

@om*d wrote:

The Flaming Schnitzel wrote:

@om*d wrote:

The Flaming Schnitzel wrote:

@om*d wrote:

The Flaming Schnitzel wrote:

I've been meaning to tell you.....I'm your daughter.

And how old are you?

17.

Well, I am 27 and I don't recall having sex until I was 13... and I would have been 10 when you were born, so I don't think I am your father. Unless maybe it was the alternate version of me that traveled back in time to the days of Final Fantasy and ended up instead in 1985 and then I would have been maybe 9 or 10, but actually 32 or 33 since I was 23 when I went back in time or whatever the fuck I am talking about.

We may need Maury Povich in here.

I was born in September of '93.....what were you doing in December of '92???

I was traveling across the country on my way to California.

:O IT COULD HAVE HAPPENED! Shocked

Joined: Oct 01 2009 Posts: 5316

I hate those phonecalls.

I must've gotten probably a dozen over the years, including a couple girls who faked it in order to blackmail me. It's any wonder why I didn't just stop having sex right then and there.

Posted: May 25 2011 09:29 pm

The biggest dick move I ever had done to me was my then ex girlfriend and I were trying to reconcile. Unbeknownst to me she was pregnant by her ex before me and wanted to have sex with me. She didn't tell me she was pregnant. She then proceeded to tell me she was pregnant and left out the fact that it was by her ex. She told me she wanted to get an abortion and I told her I wasn't ok with that. Then she told me the story of how she got pregnant but her ex didn't have the money and she knew I did. Long story short we haven't talked since and I wish her the worst death possible.

Posted: May 25 2011 09:34 pm

What a horrible story.

Posted: May 25 2011 09:37 pm

Disgusting trollop!

Wizard Joined: Jun 12 2009 Posts: 4209

Cows never call me. I stopped fucking them years ago, Klim.

On a more serious note... Meh. I don't find it as big a deal as most other guys I know. I don't know if that's because I think on a more mature level or if I'm just slightly asexual.

Joined: Oct 01 2009 Posts: 5316

Yeah, you seem a lot more mature than most of us...

Wizard Joined: Jun 12 2009 Posts: 4209

Doddsino wrote:

Yeah, you seem a lot more mature than most of us...

Well on here I'm a fucking maniac, sure. But around people I actually know I'm nothing like this.. Trust me.

Posted: May 25 2011 10:13 pm

Doddsino wrote:

Yeah, you seem a lot more mature than most of us...

Hehe

Wizard Joined: Jun 12 2009 Posts: 4209

Wait, now I get it. FUUUUUUUUUUUUUU

I hate the way I phrase my sentences. -sigh-

Posted: May 25 2011 10:37 pm

I only thought it was funny because he is very right with what he said and because he could say that to everyone in that board and he would still be right.

Posted: May 25 2011 10:50 pm

9 for me.

My first time was frickin horrible. It was freshman year of college, with a girl who was a few years older than me. I only knew her by her nickname. We went up to her place, and through my drunken stupor I was somehow able to get a condom on. We started having sex, and with my first few strokes I kept falling out of her (I knew sex involved a thrusting motion, but no one mentions that you need to be mindful you don't pull it back too far). I don't know how long it lasted, but I know that I didn't even finish.....I was too drunk. I went down on her after I realized I wasn't going to cum, and she orgasmed (or at least did a convincing job of faking it). Afterward she announced that she was going to bed, and showed me the door. I woke up in my bed the next morning with the condom still on me. In addition to that, I realized that my wallet was missing. Turns out I dropped it in her room when I got the condom out of it. So as much as I wanted to avoid her for the rest of the year, I was forced to face her one last awkward time to reclaim my wallet.

Joined: Apr 17 2011 Location: Vegas Baby Posts: 78

5 for me. But I am not counting the girls because I wouldnt call it boning. :P

Posted: May 30 2011 10:34 am

Doddsino wrote:

I must've gotten probably a dozen over the years, including a couple girls who faked it in order to blackmail me. It's any wonder why I didn't just stop having sex right then and there.

Wait... blackmail you? Was thou having relations with girls of indeterminate age?

Joined: Sep 17 2007 Location: The Opium Trail Posts: 3475

Yea, unless you were trying to win a trophy for lovemkaing like on the Simpsons, I'm pretty sure no harm can come to one's self for not being able to get a girl off.

Posted: May 30 2011 02:47 pm

He said a girl pretended he got her pregnant to blackmail him. There's a lot of ways to blackmail someone that way that should require no explanation.

Joined: Oct 01 2009 Posts: 5316

Syd Lexia wrote:

Doddsino wrote:

I must've gotten probably a dozen over the years, including a couple girls who faked it in order to blackmail me. It's any wonder why I didn't just stop having sex right then and there.

Wait... blackmail you? Was thou having relations with girls of indeterminate age?

While that wasn't what I was referring to, I did have a girl lie to me, and even presented a fake ID (which turned out to be her older sister, who looked nearly identical).That was a very scary moment.

Wizard Joined: Jun 12 2009 Posts: 4209

Doddsino wrote:

While that wasn't what I was referring to, I did have a girl lie to me, and even presented a fake ID (which turned out to be her older sister, who looked nearly identical).That was a very scary moment.

That's when you hide the evidence.

Posted: May 30 2011 09:29 pm

Drew Linky wrote:

Doddsino wrote:

While that wasn't what I was referring to, I did have a girl lie to me, and even presented a fake ID (which turned out to be her older sister, who looked nearly identical).That was a very scary moment.

That's when you hide the evidence.

What evidence? Are you saying he should have killed the girl and hid her body?

Wizard Joined: Jun 12 2009 Posts: 4209

Klimbatize wrote:

Drew Linky wrote:

Doddsino wrote:

While that wasn't what I was referring to, I did have a girl lie to me, and even presented a fake ID (which turned out to be her older sister, who looked nearly identical).That was a very scary moment.

That's when you hide the evidence.

What evidence? Are you saying he should have killed the girl and hid her body?

No.