This is the Story of Big Daddy and his family's tragic journey across the Oregon Trail.

Big Daddy was a poor farmer who packed up his wife Slutty, his daughter Tits, his son Shitcan, and the family's Crackbaby and headed out west sucker, because he wanted to be a cowboy, baby. (He can smell a pig from a mile away.)

After buying 4 oxen, 1000 pounds of food, 4 set of clothes, and lots of ammo for his gun he left Independace, MI.

After only a short while, Mr. Murphy came in and started to cause trouble.

Apparently, his dughter was looking to turn a few tricks, but got lost:



She was found a short while later, be the rejoicing would be short lived. As his dear wife, Slutty lived up to her name:



Unfortunately, they didn't have enough grass to feed her and she passed away:



With Shitcan inexplictably not to be found, and Big Daddy too busy getting busy with his new wife/daughter Tits, nobody noticed the disapearance of the Crackbaby:



Shortly thereafter, the family ran out of food and both Shitcan and Tits died. Racked with grief, Big Daddy forgot to water the Crackbaby:



He buried the last of his family and continued the journey alone. He almost made it to The Dalles, but instead traded the rest of his worldy goods to some Indians, in exchange for some bad Peyote and died. His last word's were immortilized upon his tombstone:



The End...

Of course it did! That's why every kid loved to play it in school, because you got to shoot things!

Except the controls really sucked.

It's I O P
K ;
, . /

To aim and walk around, and (SPACEBAR) to shoot.

I think we played that game more than any other school district on the planet... Why? I don't know, maybe because I went to Oregon City Public Schools.

And, then while I was in High School, I got a summer job at the End Of The Oregon Trail Interpretive Center as a Tour Guide. I know way too much about that stupid trail...