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Milhouse
Joined: Dec 19 2008
Location: Charlottesville, VA
Posts: 485
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Today is Chuck Norris' birthday...and he's 70 years old. He broke a femur while getting out of the bath tub. Incidentally, it was someone else's femur. HI-YA!
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pineapple
Joined: Nov 11 2009
Location: Cajun Country
Posts: 1511
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JoshWoodzy
Joined: May 22 2008
Location: Goshen, VA
Posts: 6544
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This thread is now about Chuck Norris jokes. Proceed.
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pineapple
Joined: Nov 11 2009
Location: Cajun Country
Posts: 1511
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Chuck Norris can squeeze orange juice from a banana.
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Milhouse
Joined: Dec 19 2008
Location: Charlottesville, VA
Posts: 485
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I even heard the cake was scared. Chuck Norris licks anything with frosting.
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username
Title: owner of a lonely heart
Joined: Jul 06 2007
Location: phoenix, az usa
Posts: 16136
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im forced to say happy b-day since im afraid chuck norris will roundhouse kick me if i dont
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| Klimbatize wrote: |
| I'll eat a turkey sandwich while blowing my load |
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Blackout
Title: Captain Oblivious
Joined: Sep 01 2007
Location: That Rainy State
Posts: 10376
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Chuck Norris drives an ice cream truck covered in the bloody skulls of his enemies, it's powered by a tank of liquid pain.
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Hacker
Banned
Joined: Sep 13 2008
Posts: 3129
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You know how little kids sleep in superman pajamas? well superman sleeps in chuck norris pajamas
He doesnt look that old TBH
I guess aging got scared of chuck norris and ran to Sarah Palin
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Milhouse
Joined: Dec 19 2008
Location: Charlottesville, VA
Posts: 485
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Bullshit...Chuck Norris doesn't wear pajamas because he doesn't sleep. I heard he just slows down his workout on the Total Gym.
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Blackout
Title: Captain Oblivious
Joined: Sep 01 2007
Location: That Rainy State
Posts: 10376
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Chuck Norris is so fast he once ran around the world and punched himself in the back of the head.
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pineapple
Joined: Nov 11 2009
Location: Cajun Country
Posts: 1511
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A blind man once stepped on Chuck Norris' shoe. Chuck replied, "Don't you know who I am? I'm Chuck Norris!" The mere mention of his name cured this man blindness. Sadly the first, last, and only thing this man ever saw, was a fatal roundhouse delivered by Chuck Norris.
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Blackout
Title: Captain Oblivious
Joined: Sep 01 2007
Location: That Rainy State
Posts: 10376
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Chuck Norris is too old and irrelevant to stop this from getting locked eventually. 
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Milhouse
Joined: Dec 19 2008
Location: Charlottesville, VA
Posts: 485
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There's no locking here; Chuck Norris can kick this thread 4 years into the future.
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Hacker
Banned
Joined: Sep 13 2008
Posts: 3129
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I heard Chuck norris's tears can cure cancer
to bad he doesnt cry
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JoshWoodzy
Joined: May 22 2008
Location: Goshen, VA
Posts: 6544
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He's so patriotic, when he gets interrupted during sex he gets red, white and blue balls.
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Valdronius
Moderator
Title: SydLexia COO
Joined: Aug 22 2005
Location: The Great White North
Posts: 4465
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After the running of the bulls in Madrid, they hold the running of the Chuck Norris, where the bulls run for their lives.
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| Klimbatize wrote: |
| A Hispanic dude living in Arizona knows a lot of Latinas? That's fucking odd. |
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FNJ
2010 SLF Tag Champ
Joined: Jun 07 2006
Posts: 12294
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WHAT?
chuck norris has the same birthday as me?
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Ross Rifle
Title: Rock N Roll God
Joined: Oct 29 2006
Location: Chilliwack, BC
Posts: 4844
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HAPPY BIRTHDAY JEW!!!
He's not kidding either guys. It's on facebook, so you know it's legit.
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Undeath
Title: Facepuncher of Asses
Joined: Jan 15 2009
Location: Here
Posts: 608
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Now beware, Chuck will roundhouse kick you past hell straight into some unheard of new afterlife so hard if he finds out you're stealing his birthday thunder.
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| Cracked.com wrote: |
"MARGARINE IS ONE MOLECULE AWAY FROM PLASTIC."
Not only is that not right, that's not even wrong. It's a meaningless statement. Saying something is "one molecule away" from plastic is like saying a farm is one letter away from a fart. Water is "one molecule away" from being explosive hydrogen gas. |
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Teralyx
Title: Master Exploder
Joined: Jun 04 2008
Location: Goldenrod City
Posts: 1419
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Chuck Norris hasn't aged 70 years, the world around him has grown 70 years younger.
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<TheFlamingSchnitzel> Didn't your mom teach you not to punch girls?
<FigNewton> I was too busy /punchin' her/ |
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