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Kubo
Joined: Aug 24 2005
Location: Mount Holly, NJ
Posts: 1062
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The whole moving in thing has doomed a relationship in the past for me. If nothing else, it's a nice barometer to show you whether or not you think/want the relationship to progress. When my girlfriend (several years ago) told me she wanted to move up to where I am at school (was in my first year of Ph.D. work then, now am in my last), every bone in my body said "HOLY SHIT RUN RUN RUN RUN." The idea of seeing the person every single day just made me feel cornered.
So, yeah. We're not together anymore.
If you're excited though, that sounds like a good sign. Just be careful... moving in is another one of THOSE steps that I see lots of people take because they think they are supposed to take it. I won't go into detail here, since I think that might be good for an entirely different thread, but for some reason, people around my age (I'm 28, will be 29 in a week or so) have begun to shack up and get married as fast as they can and they are all getting bored within their first year of marriage. My theory? They got scared at 25 that they would be alone for the rest of their lives, decided that the nearest warm body, or the person they were with at that time (regardless of how they felt about them) was their soul mate. They moved in, got married, or whatever, and within six months were complaining their dumb asses off.
Moral of the story: be sure it's what you want because you want it. Not because you think you're supposed to want it.
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 Thou, because I am wroth, be not dismayed, for I shall win the strife, whoever circle round within for the defence. This their insolence is not new, for of old they used it at a less secret gate, which still is found without a bolt. Above it thou didst see the dead inscription; and already on this side of it
descends the steep, passing without escort through the circles,
One such that by him the city shall be opened to us. |
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GPFontaine
Joined: Dec 06 2007
Location: Connecticut
Posts: 11244
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| Pandajuice wrote: |
| UsaSatsui wrote: |
| Pandajuice wrote: |
| UsaSatsui wrote: |
Keep an emergency fund of a couple hundred bucks, just in case. If things go bad, you don't want to be stuck there because you can't afford to get out, and you don't want to be the guy who shows up at someone's door at 11 at night because you just got kicked out.
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I was going to suggest the same thing, but figured he probably has parents that'll take him in for a day or two if it goes tits up. |
Yeah, but again, do you really want to be the asshole who puts their parents on the spot like that? What if they can't take you in?
Of course, if you don't make up, you'll have to eventually put a friend or the parents out, but at least then it's not a situation where you're on their doorstep with a suitcase in the middle of the night. |
Yeah, you're totally right Usa. I wasn't dismissing the suggestion, but rather saying that I had the same one, but neglected to post it. It's definitely a good one as it's always a good idea to sock away a few hundred bucks just in case and there's nothing more humiliating than begging your buddy if you crash on his sofa. |
While saving money isn't a bad idea, the reasoning is terrible.
If the events occur where sleeping outside of the new home is demanded, then toughing it out on one's own would be a terrible strategy. Mentally I imagine that a person would be at their worst and the comfort of other human beings could help ease the pain. There is a reason why people develop relationships with friends and family. Mental and physical security is an offering that people make to one another through the bonds of friendship. If you can't depend on those people when your are at your worst moments, then you have a terrible life and should strive to fix it.
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Doddsino
Joined: Oct 01 2009
Posts: 5316
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Just remember, the next step after that is engagement...and after that, there's no turning back for her.
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UsaSatsui
Title: The White Rabbit
Joined: May 25 2008
Location: Hiding
Posts: 7565
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| GPFontaine wrote: |
| If you can't depend on those people when your are at your worst moments, then you have a terrible life and should strive to fix it. |
If you can't wait until the morning to contact these people, you need a little bit more self-reliance.
I'm not saying you should find a fleabag motel and cry in a hole, but operating under the assumption that everyone you know can take you in on a moment's notice can bite you in the ass. Sometimes, your parents have other visitors, your buddy's couch isn't available, and your brother is out of town.
The bottom line is you never, EVER want to feel like you're trapped in a bad situation.
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Syd Lexia
Site Admin
Title: Pop Culture Junkie
Joined: Jul 30 2005
Location: Wakefield, MA
Posts: 24887
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| UsaSatsui wrote: |
| Sometimes, your parents have other visitors |
Unfucking likely. And they'd still have a couch.
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Ice2SeeYou
Title: Sexual Tyrannosaurus
Joined: Sep 28 2008
Location: South of Heaven
Posts: 1761
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| Kubo wrote: |
The whole moving in thing has doomed a relationship in the past for me. If nothing else, it's a nice barometer to show you whether or not you think/want the relationship to progress. When my girlfriend (several years ago) told me she wanted to move up to where I am at school (was in my first year of Ph.D. work then, now am in my last), every bone in my body said "HOLY SHIT RUN RUN RUN RUN." The idea of seeing the person every single day just made me feel cornered.
So, yeah. We're not together anymore.
If you're excited though, that sounds like a good sign. Just be careful... moving in is another one of THOSE steps that I see lots of people take because they think they are supposed to take it. I won't go into detail here, since I think that might be good for an entirely different thread, but for some reason, people around my age (I'm 28, will be 29 in a week or so) have begun to shack up and get married as fast as they can and they are all getting bored within their first year of marriage. My theory? They got scared at 25 that they would be alone for the rest of their lives, decided that the nearest warm body, or the person they were with at that time (regardless of how they felt about them) was their soul mate. They moved in, got married, or whatever, and within six months were complaining their dumb asses off.
Moral of the story: be sure it's what you want because you want it. Not because you think you're supposed to want it. |
Good points. I'm 29 as well. People can be in different life stages regardless of age. Being in med school, you clearly had a lot going on that would have made committing to a relationship more difficult. You've got to be at a point in your life where you're ready and able to take a serious look at where you're at and where you'd like to go. I feel that I'm at that stage now. She says she feels the same. So hopefully we're "doing it right" and we'll be ok.
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Sydlexia.com - Where miserable bastards meet to call each other retards. |
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Pandajuice
Title: The Power of Grayskull
Joined: Oct 30 2008
Location: US and UK
Posts: 2649
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| UsaSatsui wrote: |
Sometimes, your parents have other visitors, your buddy's couch isn't available, and your brother is out of town.
The bottom line is you never, EVER want to feel like you're trapped in a bad situation. |
Even if that's not the case and a couch is available, it's good to know at 29 that you're self reliant and don't need that support. There's only so many times you can go crying home and depends on your family every time something goes wrong before you become a full fledged loser. It's all a mindset.
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UsaSatsui
Title: The White Rabbit
Joined: May 25 2008
Location: Hiding
Posts: 7565
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| Syd Lexia wrote: |
| UsaSatsui wrote: |
| Sometimes, your parents have other visitors |
Unfucking likely. And they'd still have a couch. |
Not my parents.
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username
Title: owner of a lonely heart
Joined: Jul 06 2007
Location: phoenix, az usa
Posts: 16136
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my dad lives in a different state and my mom lives in a different city, so i would be SOL. although, i do believe my cadre of friends would take me in at whatever time of night it was. as long as they werent too drunk
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| Klimbatize wrote: |
| I'll eat a turkey sandwich while blowing my load |
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Ermac
Title: Thread Killer
Joined: Aug 04 2008
Location: Outworld
Posts: 1512
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| UsaSatsui wrote: |
| Syd Lexia wrote: |
| UsaSatsui wrote: |
| Sometimes, your parents have other visitors |
Unfucking likely. And they'd still have a couch. |
Not my parents. |
ur parents dont love you
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UsaSatsui
Title: The White Rabbit
Joined: May 25 2008
Location: Hiding
Posts: 7565
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| Ermac wrote: |
| UsaSatsui wrote: |
| Syd Lexia wrote: |
| UsaSatsui wrote: |
| Sometimes, your parents have other visitors |
Unfucking likely. And they'd still have a couch. |
Not my parents. |
ur parents dont love you |
ur a moron hoo doesnt read what im actually saying
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pineapple
Joined: Nov 11 2009
Location: Cajun Country
Posts: 1511
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He's just trying to kill the thread.
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