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Posted: Jan 26 2007 09:29 pm

Based off the previous thread, I thought it would be awesome to find out what is the strangest thing you've done/would like to do in a public bathroom...

I'll go first:
[pardon the sexual inuendo]
I'd love to go into a public bathroom, like in Walmart, with a zucchini. I would sit in a stall moaning a little (not too loud), then drop the zucchini, lightly kick it with my foot so it falls just close enough so the person in the other stall can see it. I'd say oops really embarassed, and try reaching around to get the zucchini, all the while I'm "missing" it and pushing it a little further away... finally you grab the zucchini, pull up your zipper really loud, and run out really quickly! You may want to drop the zucchini again on the way out just for effect!

Posted: Jan 26 2007 09:55 pm

Sadly I have planned the walmart one & done the port-a-potty one: I have taken a homemade concoction of Pudding and chunks of peanuts into a port-a-john, and plan to also take it into Wally World. Once inside I would usually make sure there are no seat covers if there are I will smear a little bit of it on the wall mount. After that I would put a little on the seat, a little on the floor, dip my fingers in the pudding and make finger marks on the toilet paper. After that (I use a sports bottle) i would dump the remaining aforementioned concoction into the toilet. Then leave rather calmly so as not to attract attention. Walmart does have cameras. Still have yet to attempt this. However in the port-a-potty situation there is almost certainly going to be someone waiting to use it, but there is almost always a 10 second run a way rule. From the time you walk out you have about 3 seconds between leaving the door closing and someone coming up to the door. During that time it has been discovered that about 83.78% of people will walk-in look in horrified disgust for about 5 seconds and then spends a rather quick 2 seconds exiting and shutting the door behind them. Leaving you 10 seconds away free to look on and laugh. However there are about 12.22% of those people that will walk-in use the wall urinal and leave without batting an eye. We all know that Port-a-johns are disgusting to begin with.

Posted: Jan 26 2007 11:18 pm

i don't understand the second one. this one time i was in a new jersey airport waiting for my terminal to open and so i decided i would make a quick trip to the bathroom. so i was sitting in there trying to shit and this old fucker walks in and starts batting on the door (it's the only stall). so i take about 5 minutes to finish up and as i'm wiping myself he's still standing there, patiently waiting. so eventually he gets fed up with waiting and sticks his head over the door and says HEY.. WUT YOU DOIN, YOU MASTUHBATIN OR SUMTIN IN DERE?!?!?

and i go yeah, i'm fucking masturbating while taking a shit, what kind of homeless, trashy, ugly piece of shit are you to interrupt a man while he's taking a shit in a public restroom. after i was done with that statement he calmly walked out of the restroom and I never saw him again.

Posted: Jan 26 2007 11:26 pm

one time in a public bathroom I farted, then pee'd, and everyone applauded, so I took a bow

Posted: Jan 26 2007 11:27 pm

my family had a spontaneous scrimmage with a toilet paper roll in a public restroom once. i'm dead serious, it was in one of the planet hollywood bathrooms and it was 3 on 3. me, uncle marty, and pop against gramps, uncle larry, and my brother chip.

oh yeah one little thing to add to that. that scenario is where the phrase, "you think you can take your old man?" was coined by pop. he said it to chip. and chip took him.

Posted: Jan 26 2007 11:49 pm

My strangest bathroom experience takes place coming back from French/Spanish Club field trip from Montreal. I had been sickish all day, so my day wasn't going very well in the first place. On the way back, I had to fart. I was sitting next to a girl I was semi-interested in at the time, so I held it in. Unfortunately, farts are much like an angry mob at a gate. They'll bang and yell and wave their torches to get someone to open the gate. If it doesn't open, they leave... but then they come back with their friends and try again. This built and compounded for a long time and it wasn't too bad as I've dealt with holding in gas throughout most of my school career. It's a long trip back to New York, so eventually I reached a breaking point. I asked politely if we could pull over because I had to go to the bathroom, but was declined as we had just passed the nearest exit. Within then minutes from this point, I was screaming about how I had to go to the bathroom and how I though I was going to shit my pants. I couldn't help it; I was in hysterics due the deterioration of both my insides and my social unassuredness in such a position. Eventually, we pulled over and I was going to jump up and run into the restaurant or gas station (I don't even remember) to hit the potties, but I had forgotten in my hysterics that the girl I was sitting with had, sometime during the trip, tie my shoes together. I just slipped out of them and ran into the place sock-footed, asked where the bathroom was, and went there.

I had finally found relief... or so I had thought. I'm not good with public bathrooms, and as this was right next to the highway, people where coming in and out almost constantly. It was all gas, so I kept slipping some out as silently as I could when someone else in the bathroom made a noise. After about fifteen minutes of Operation: Strategic Gas Leak, I was getting ready to go and my friend Bo came in, slipped my shoes under the door, and asked if I was okay. At that point, we just burst into a fit of laughter which carried onto the bus, where everyone was already laughing and applauding upon my return. I bowed and shouted, "Don't worry, folks, it was just a gas leak." After that, we got back on our way and I slept most of the way back from that point.

Posted: Jan 28 2007 06:12 pm

Once, I was volunteering at the local Knights of Columbus Fish Fry with a bunch of my friends. They always have them over Lent, and I find it odd that people will come and eat fish for Lent, but some of them get drunk out of their minds. Anyway, we were all but cleaned up after working for around 4 hours, and were about ready to leave, when we heard noises coming from the bathroom. We go in, and see some old drunken dude braced against the urinal, pissing and moaning. It was all that we could do to keep from laughing our asses off. We basically snuck out of the restroom, and then burst into wild laughter in the parking lot of the place. Weird.

Posted: Jan 28 2007 06:19 pm

Char Aznable wrote:

I find it odd that people will come and eat fish for Lent, but some of them get drunk out of their minds.

Why is it odd? I don't know if you think the fish thing is odd... I know my parents ate fish every friday (including Good Friday)... as far as being drunk they were just enjoying "the blood of christ" as they call it! Some a little more closely than others... I don't think the Bible says anything against drinking.

Posted: Jan 28 2007 06:24 pm

I'm not talking about the act of getting hammered itself, I'm talking about how some people will talk about how good it is that they're eating fish on Lenten Fridays, and then drink enough vodka to give a moose alcohol poisoning.

Posted: Jan 28 2007 09:27 pm

my weirdest experiences involve stagefright in Vancouver stadiums. My parents, sister and I all went to see Pearl jam at GM Place and I had to take a leak real bad, so I went into the washroom, and all the urinals had like a poster at eye level, which is always nice. The only problem is that mine had a picture of former Canuck Todd Bertuzzi. I couldn't handle it, he was just staring at me, like he'd snap my neck if I pissed wrong. Long story short, I went all the way to the other side of GM before I finally went.

My second experience was when I went and saw Anthrax and Judas priest, and it was between bands. I walked into the packed washroom, and got into a stall. There was so much yelling and howling, I just flushed the toilet and walked out.

Posted: Jan 29 2007 01:29 am

ross_rifle113 wrote:

my weirdest experiences involve stagefright in Vancouver stadiums. My parents, sister and I all went to see Pearl jam at GM Place and I had to take a leak real bad, so I went into the washroom, and all the urinals had like a poster at eye level, which is always nice. The only problem is that mine had a picture of former Canuck Todd Bertuzzi. I couldn't handle it, he was just staring at me, like he'd snap my neck if I pissed wrong. Long story short, I went all the way to the other side of GM before I finally went.

My second experience was when I went and saw Anthrax and Judas priest, and it was between bands. I walked into the packed washroom, and got into a stall. There was so much yelling and howling, I just flushed the toilet and walked out.

I'd be more afraid that Bertuzzi would take the opportunity to bash my head in from behind in my vulnerable state.

Posted: Jan 29 2007 01:32 am

yeah...that would give me über-stagefright for the rest of my life, I wouldn't be able to go in public places, even if they were empty.....

Oh well, Bert's in the States now, so I guess I'm good.....

...until I get stared down by Naslund or Linden or someone

Posted: Jan 29 2007 09:56 pm

ross_rifle113 wrote:

my weirdest experiences involve stagefright in Vancouver stadiums. My parents, sister and I all went to see Pearl jam at GM Place and I had to take a leak real bad, so I went into the washroom, and all the urinals had like a poster at eye level, which is always nice. The only problem is that mine had a picture of former Canuck Todd Bertuzzi. I couldn't handle it, he was just staring at me, like he'd snap my neck if I pissed wrong. Long story short, I went all the way to the other side of GM before I finally went.

My second experience was when I went and saw Anthrax and Judas priest, and it was between bands. I walked into the packed washroom, and got into a stall. There was so much yelling and howling, I just flushed the toilet and walked out.

Then I hope you never have to pee in Thailand. Here's one of their new bathroom designs:

Posted: Jan 29 2007 09:57 pm

Hahaha, that's nuts.

Posted: Jan 29 2007 10:05 pm

So they want people to beat off in the bathroom too?

Posted: Jan 29 2007 11:13 pm

That design would never fly here (depending on the type of place it was put it), as there are too many males that are insecure about their penis size.

It's still a pretty neat concept.