'Twas the night before Christmas,
and all through the house,
everyone felt shitty,
even the mouse.
With Mom at the whorehouse and Dad smoking grass,
I had just settled down for a nice piece of ass.
When out on the lawn I heard such a clatter,
I sprung from my piece to see what was the matter.
When out on the lawn I saw a big dick,
I knew in a moment it must be St. Nick.
He came down the chimney like a bat out of hell,
I knew in a moment the fucker had fell.
He filled our stockings with pretzels and beer,
and had a big rubber dick for my brother the queer.
He rose up the chimney with a thunderous fart,
the son of a bitch blew the chimney apart.
He cussed and he swore as he rode out of sight,
Piss on you all and have a hell of a night.