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Posted: Jan 14 2007 03:54 am

You might have seen this picture of Cobra Commander with a shard of VHS tape.

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That movie was "Nemesis 3" a movie so bad after watching it, it had to be destroyed. We went on to smash the cassette, tear apart the tape, set the box on fire, put it out with one guy's urine, and threw most the remaining pieces in a lake (I later cleaned it up as I'm an environmentalist at heart).

Tonight, the same people and I got together to watch the sequel: "Nemesis 4". Like a traditional horror sequel, we actually got more people to join us to enjoy in the carnage. Why did we all return? None of us believed "Nemesis 4: Cry of Angels" could be as bad as "Nemesis 3: Time Lapse". What fools we were.

It's not as boring, tedious, and unnecessary as "Nemesis 3" was, it was just much more disgusting. Visually. The she-man star, Sue Price, is pretty much 99% muscle and she spends more than half the film bare ass naked. Trust me, it is the worst sight imaginable. She'd wander into destroyed buildings and start lifting weights for no reason. Characters would take tens of minutes to die; they spent more time talking than a Metal Gear Solid game. Not interesting things like MGS tends to spout, but about nothing. Really nothing. There's barely a plot, there's barely any character development. And the film had to have the most disturbing (and only) robot rape I have ever seen! The film read our minds. If someone said, "I hope she doesn't take off that dress" she did, "Man, a needle better not come out of her nipple and into that guy's eye!" - Yep, it happened.

By the time it ended 70 minutes later we unanimously decided the movie NEEDS to be DESTROYED. Unlike last time, this was a DVD and it needed to die a much more outrageously violent overkill death.

None of us could think of something that felt right, so we parted for the night with our "homework" assignment.

This movie needs to die. Die horribly. Suffer. It's a DVD which isn't as fun nor fulfilling to destroy as tape. Help me think of ways to banish its cursed memory from existance forever. The more multi-part, the better.

Posted: Jan 14 2007 04:05 am

Good.. Nemesis 3 doen't have anything to do with Gradius....

I'll help do what I can to destroy the movie.

To my rack!

Posted: Jan 14 2007 04:21 am

Two ideas we thought of before departing were:
Tie the disc between two cars and drive apart (we'd need chains).
Douse it in gasoline, set it aflame, drop it off a bridge onto a road, and drive over it multiple times.

One idea quickly rejected was tie it to a plentitude of bottle rockets and set them off. That didn't seem like enough, so that's what we're not looking for.

And remember, the DVD case needs to be destroyed as well for having touched and sheltered the disc.

Posted: Jan 14 2007 04:40 am

1. Put DVD on train tracks. Wait for train.
2. Microwave whatever pieces you can find.
3. Put molten pieces back into case.
4. Tie case to a piece of wood.
5. Apply chainsaw.

Posted: Jan 14 2007 04:47 am

Valdronius wrote:

1. Put DVD on train tracks. Wait for train.

Very nice list. The train idea stands out to me, because some of us commute. Sounds very appropriate... but what if the disc is like a formerly unlucky penny left on the track and derails the train? It's true, I saw it on TV about this kid named Pete Mr. Green

Posted: Jan 14 2007 06:47 am

Tebor wrote:

Valdronius wrote:

1. Put DVD on train tracks. Wait for train.

Very nice list. The train idea stands out to me, because some of us commute. Sounds very appropriate... but what if the disc is like a formerly unlucky penny left on the track and derails the train? It's true, I saw it on TV about this kid named Pete Mr. Green

I remember that show. You don't want to take advice from a show like that. Like, this one time, I ate a shitload of fudge bars in the hope of passing a history test. And ya know what I got? A stomachache, 40 dollars down the drain, a failed history test, and diabetes.

Posted: Jan 14 2007 06:54 am

RobotGumshoe wrote:

Tebor wrote:

Valdronius wrote:

1. Put DVD on train tracks. Wait for train.

Very nice list. The train idea stands out to me, because some of us commute. Sounds very appropriate... but what if the disc is like a formerly unlucky penny left on the track and derails the train? It's true, I saw it on TV about this kid named Pete Mr. Green

I remember that show. You don't want to take advice from a show like that. Like, this one time, I ate a shitload of fudge bars in the hope of passing a history test. And ya know what I got? A stomachache, 40 dollars down the drain, a failed history test, and diabetes.

Really? All I got was a marshmallow of a president stuck up my nose.

2010 SLF Tag Champ Joined: Jun 07 2006 Posts: 12294

we once drove around throwing an avril lavigne CD out the window doing 50, then pulling over and lookign for it to se how damaged it got. each time we did this, it woudl still play, so I opened the door while we were driving and started dragging the cD along the concrete, shredding it to pieces, then the piece that was being ground to dust snapped off. we put it in the CD palyer and some of it still worked. so we tried running it over repeatedly. after that we slammed it in the car door and watched it explode.

Joined: Apr 14 2006 Location: Lake Michigan Posts: 3332

I wouldn't destroy it, just use it as a coaster. That way, the movie's punishment for existing is extended - so long as you never wash it.

That's actually what I used to do in college with all of those AOL free trial cds that were everywhere.

Posted: Jan 14 2007 02:29 pm

The only thing I've really ever taken part in destroying was a computer. At first, we opened it and put a bunch of random shit on the motherboard and connected parts such as hot sauce, Taco Bell sauce, ketchup, mustard, water, barbecue sauce, etc. We then basically kept throwing it up in the air and letting it land, stomping on it, and slamming it into the ground. After it started coming apart, someone pissed on it and then I threw it DK style off the bridge and into a local creek... where it still might be because it was the deep part of it. The motherboard cut me as I threw it and I still have a scar on my right middle finger.

DVD sucks because it doesn't give a lot of "feedback" in terms of it's destruction. Even VHS tapes will crack and spackaka while having film go this way and that. A DVD is... just... flat and solid. You can break it multiple times.

Would it be possible to put the DVD in water and put it in the freezer only to have the DVD pulled apart by the expansion of the freezing water in the middle? If not, maybe there is a way to contain water in a flexible material (Ziploc bag), put it through the middle and tie it off at one end, forcing the ice expansion to happen in the part that's in the middle of the disc.

If that doesn't work, try getting the disc as cold as you can and then put it in a preheated oven on a piece of clean, no-good cardboard or something at the oven's optimum temperature and see what happens. At the very least, the disc will "suffer" through extreme temperature and will probably melt or something in the oven. After that, I wonder if you can put it back in the freezer to give it a solid shape of some sort again (if the disc does melt any - I'm not sure of the phase shift temperatures of DVDs) and from that point continue to exert torture upon that disc as much as possible.

Other ideas:
- If you have a bowling ball or something like it, set the case with the DVD inside upright with the case open at 45 or so degrees and drop/slam a bowling ball-esque object from directly above into the case and see what happens.

- Gather your friends around and have an "intervention" for the DVD. Basically, have everyone sit around the DVD and talk about how much it sucks and what could be improved (if you haven't already).

- Use it as a coaster.

- Try to throw it like a ninja star to stick it into stuff like a watermelon rind. Later you can do the same into a solid wall for more destructive purpose.

- Let the DVD soak in a jar of different liquids to see what they do to DVDs. Things like vinegar, bleach, etc.

- Take an axe to it.

- If possible, put it in a microwave.

- Take a hole puncher to it.

- Take a nail gun to it.

- When you're finished, put the pieces back into the case as best as you can and throw it off a high cliff or waterfall if you can. If not, maybe throw it into a sewer grate or something because that's where shit belongs.

2010 SLF Tag Champ Joined: Jun 07 2006 Posts: 12294

a buddy of mine bought silent scope for the PS2 when it first came out, so it was fifty bucks, and his onyl game besides tekken and madden (launch titles). the game kept freezing, and he got mad and threw it in his fishtank. after a few days he said "fine you wanna freeze, you piece of shit? THE NFREEZE!" and tossed it into his freezer. we woudl get bored every now and then and alternate fishtank and freezer, case, booklet and all, and after a while we sprayed it down with an upside down can of air and lanched it like a frisbee into the wall. it exploded like teh T-1000

Posted: Jan 14 2007 07:27 pm

Break it, feed it to a dog, wait until it shits, microwave said turd, put it back into the case, drive over the case until it gets stuck to the car's tire, find a bridge, drive said car off said bridge.