Why isn't someone recording this genius?

I swear to pledge more of my free time going through the entire site and documenting the best wits, one liners, puns, whatever else here for all to enjoy at once. Maybe your head will just about explode because of the awesomness. As I forget a few hundred lines, why not add them yourself?

Quotes documented by Tebor:

"Everyone fucking likes candy. Even diabetics, that’s why so many of them die.” -FWSE 32

"Emo is whatever I fucking say it is"
-Syd Lexia's Super Lucky Emo Band Names

Vote on what was the best quote in the Revolution X review:

"Still others, who believe The Man really is out to get them, were pissed off that Aerosmith was chosen as the face of rebellion instead of some shitty punk band like The Sex Pistols."

"Once you unite with Aerosmith, things should be pretty easy. With Joe Perry's guitar solos, Steven Tyler's stage presence, and your overpriced consumer products, there's NO FUCKING WAY that the New Order Nation will win."

"Not only do you get to play hero, you also get to play investigative reporter! Kick open bathroom stalls and harass Tom Hamilton! Catch Steven Tyler cheating on his wife! It's like you're Brenda Starr, only without all the uninvited sexual advances. Later in the game you get to help Joey Kramer bury a dead hooker in the desert. It's not as fun as you might think."

"Aerosmith furiously play "Eat the Rich" over and over again, but their raw, edgy sound fails to make any heads explode."

"And in a cut scene that needs to be seen to be believed, he throws you his car keys through the TV screen."

"The three key locations are: The Pacific Rim, The Amazon, and The Middle East. Strangely enough, none of these locations are accesible by car. If only you hadn't trashed that stolen helicopter, you dumbass."

"I have no idea why ninjas would work for Helga. I thought ninjas were all about freedom of expression."

"This level's boss is kinda weak. It's just a giant bug. After all the other freaky shit in this level, I was hoping for something more interesting, like maybe a giant radioactive clown that tries to sodomize you."

"If I really wanted to shoot angry, man-hating bitches then I'd go to Lilith Fair."

"Once it's over, so is the game. You've successfully defended personal liberty, rescued Aerosmith, and saved the world. But most importantly, you saved Aerosmith's car."

"SydLexia.com does not condone throwing saw blades at people."

"Murder isn’t something as trivial as fur, meat, or oil; it’s Freddy Fucking Krueger."

"Compared to Batman cereal, Cap'n Crunch is like eating pillows. This stuff was designed to actually *rape* the inside of your mouth, to rip it open like a hymen and make you bleed."

"When it comes to eating sixteen-year-olds, I'd much prefer a girl to a bowl of cereal. "

"Once again, I am victorious over 1980s foodstuffs. Fuck yeah!"

"Your mom. And then he totally brags about it to God."

I really gotta go back and read some of the old articles for plenitude.

"how to use tonfa - Step 1: Place the tonfa in your hands. Step 2: hit people with them. Repeat Step 2 as necessary."

"Sometimes, an enemy will drop a pill when it's defeated. Now, I don't know about the rest of you, but when I see unmarked prescription drugs on the ground, I shove that son of a bitch in my mouth and dry-swallow it quick as can be."

"Giant Cat is so incredibly ruthless that it throws its own kittens at you."

"According to the instruction manual, he "attacks with bad-playing guitar". That's Japanese to English translation at its finest right there."

"Apparently, the only things that get into Heaven in Dark World are dynamite and witches."

"But wait, there's a girl in the box! Mark's reward is a sex slave! Bert is the coolest friend EVER!"

"HOLY FUCKING SHIT! MY SKIN IS MELTING! GOD FUCKING DAMMIT!"

"It's a pleasant waste of time and you can use it an excuse not to watch bad horror movies. Dude, I just rented House of the Dead, you gotta come over and watch it! Fuck you, man. I think I'll go play Monster Party."

-Monster Party review

"According to mainstream Christian beliefs, all dogs in fact do NOT go to Heaven. Since animals do not have the capacity to make moral judgments, they are not considered to have souls. Thus, they cannot get in God's kingdom. So if your grandmother ever promised you that your poor dead kitty would be waiting for you in great hereafter, she's a lying cunt. Punch her. If she's already passed on to the next world, dig up her bones and punch them. That'll teach her."

" In Devil World, you need to be holding a cross in order to break Satan's balls."

Seriously, that 'TMNT-Who goes to Heaven' bit was hilarious.