SydLexia.com - The Forums :: View topic

Posted: Jul 10 2009 03:38 pm

The perfect woman would be this: an independently weathly baby factory who doesn't gain a lot of weight during pregnancy, loses the weight she does gain quickly afterward, and doesn't get stretch marks. Also she enjoys co-op video games and cooking, isn't interested in travel, and always volunteers to do vocals in Rock Band when your friends come over... and gets 100% every time.

She doesn't need to clean. You can hire a maid.

Posted: Jul 10 2009 03:53 pm

Syd Lexia wrote:

The perfect woman would be this: an independently weathly baby factory who doesn't gain a lot of weight during pregnancy, loses the weight she does gain quickly afterward, and doesn't get stretch marks. Also she enjoys co-op video games and cooking, isn't interested in travel, and always volunteers to do vocals in Rock Band when your friends come over... and gets 100% every time.

She doesn't need to clean. You can hire a maid.

Said woman should also be sexually aroused by a perfect victory in Street Fighter II. And when I offer to show her my Master Sword, she knows my cock is coming out, but also appreciates the Zelda reference.

Posted: Jul 10 2009 04:59 pm

Also, she has a removable chainsaw hand, like Ash from Army of Darkness, and she uses it to kill zombies, lawyers, and kids who picked on you in junior high.

Posted: Jul 10 2009 08:26 pm

I'm in a really weird place personally. It seems that most of my friends are girls, and I find each of them to be totally imperfectly perfect. Like they have flaws but they either don't care, they adapt, or they work it to be a good thing. But it sucks because I know I'll never be with any of these girls (God knows I've tried). But it makes me not really want to bother with a girlfriend, because I get everything I want and need (sans the physical stuff) from my female friends. Confused

Posted: Jul 11 2009 02:44 am

Syd Lexia wrote:

Also, she has a removable SMG/rocket launcher combo leg like the chick from Planet Terror, and she uses it to kill zombies, lawyers, and kids who picked on you in junior high.

Fixed

Adding. Can sit in the car for a 3-5 hour car ride without asking me what I'm thinking.

Posted: Jul 11 2009 12:17 pm

7. I want a girl with a short skirt and a long jacket.

Posted: Jul 11 2009 01:15 pm

well, if it was supposed to be a silly list, i'll some rather inane requirements.

8. must like cucumbers with lime and salt on a tuesday afternoon.

Joined: Apr 09 2008 Location: Pennsylvania Posts: 3112

anorexorcist wrote:

7. I want a girl with a short skirt and a long jacket.

I'm tired of buying red tape, only to have my girlfriend always cut it with her god-damned machete. I'm getting sick of that thing.

Joined: Sep 17 2007 Location: The Opium Trail Posts: 3475

Syd Lexia wrote:

The perfect woman would be this: an independently weathly baby factory who doesn't gain a lot of weight during pregnancy, loses the weight she does gain quickly afterward, and doesn't get stretch marks. Also she enjoys co-op video games and cooking, isn't interested in travel, and always volunteers to do vocals in Rock Band when your friends come over... and gets 100% every time.

She doesn't need to clean. You can hire a maid.

Baby factory? Are you nuts? The perfect woman to me is someone who has fertility deficiency! I don't want a baby to pop out everytime I want to get my swerve on.

Posted: Jul 11 2009 05:07 pm

Ross Rifle wrote:

But it makes me not really want to bother with a girlfriend, because I get everything I want and need (sans the physical stuff) from my female friends. Confused

I know what you mean, the physical is very important however.

Title: Titlating Joined: Dec 17 2007 Posts: 5042

Alright alienating the few women who do post on here. WTG

Posted: Jul 11 2009 06:01 pm

A girl's breasts should be 6 inches in diameter and stick three feet out. Also, they should be land-to-air missiles.

Optimist With Doubts wrote:

Alright alienating the few women who do post on here. WTG

Seriously though, this is an internet forum. I think operating under the assumption that all girls on the internet are these thin-skinned creatures who are have lived sheltered lives up until joining this forum are easily offended is more sexist than anything that's been said here.

Also, I think girls realize that guys are retarded, and guys act twice as retarded on the internet as they do IRL. On top of that, a lot of the stuff that has been said in this thread is either a joke or just plain trolling.

Title: Titlating Joined: Dec 17 2007 Posts: 5042

I know that sir, I don't really think all the women (what is it 3 at this point?) on the forum will be shocked and appalled by the comments here.

Posted: Jul 11 2009 09:07 pm

I enter this filthy pit of a thread only to announce that I am officially leaving the forum. For too long Sydlexia has been inhabited by chauvinist pigs who take every opportunity to push the glass ceiling down a little harder onto poor, misunderstood, defenseless People Of The Feminine Gender.

I have much more to say, and you'll be able to read my whole heartfelt tirade in the Official SoldierHawk Is Leaving Sydlexia thread, to be posted shortly.

Posted: Jul 11 2009 09:11 pm

SoldierHawk just won the entire internet for the night.

Banned Joined: Sep 13 2008 Posts: 3129

SoldierHawk wrote:

I enter this filthy pit of a thread only to announce that I am officially leaving the forum. For too long Sydlexia has been inhabited by chauvinist pigs who take every opportunity to push the glass ceiling down a little harder onto poor, misunderstood, defenseless People Of The Feminine Gender.

I have much more to say, and you'll be able to read my whole heartfelt tirade in the Official SoldierHawk Is Leaving Sydlexia thread, to be posted shortly.

really

Posted: Jul 11 2009 11:55 pm

Hacker wrote:

SoldierHawk wrote:

I enter this filthy pit of a thread only to announce that I am officially leaving the forum. For too long Sydlexia has been inhabited by chauvinist pigs who take every opportunity to push the glass ceiling down a little harder onto poor, misunderstood, defenseless People Of The Feminine Gender.

I have much more to say, and you'll be able to read my whole heartfelt tirade in the Official SoldierHawk Is Leaving Sydlexia thread, to be posted shortly.

really

Banned Joined: Sep 13 2008 Posts: 3129

SoldierHawk wrote:

Hacker wrote:

SoldierHawk wrote:

I enter this filthy pit of a thread only to announce that I am officially leaving the forum. For too long Sydlexia has been inhabited by chauvinist pigs who take every opportunity to push the glass ceiling down a little harder onto poor, misunderstood, defenseless People Of The Feminine Gender.

I have much more to say, and you'll be able to read my whole heartfelt tirade in the Official SoldierHawk Is Leaving Sydlexia thread, to be posted shortly.

really

i guess its Duh.

I cant take a joke

Posted: Jul 12 2009 02:01 am

Syd Lexia wrote:

A girl's breasts should be 6 inches in diameter and stick three feet out. Also, they should be land-to-air missiles.

Adrian Barbobot? Laughing

Posted: Jul 12 2009 02:47 am

Blackout wrote:

Syd Lexia wrote:

A girl's breasts should be 6 inches in diameter and stick three feet out. Also, they should be land-to-air missiles.

Adrian Barbobot? Laughing

SPARKAMUS PRIME!!!

Posted: Jul 12 2009 01:59 pm

She must have an ass I can get lost in.

For serious: She has to be at least decent, not a complete dumbass (as I'm not the biggest branch on the tree myself), and plays/watches or at least understands why I play video games/watch anime. The "Isn't that for kids!?!" shit will get her kicked the fuck out of my house.

Posted: Jul 12 2009 05:09 pm

Chinese, with an oxhorn hairstyle, big thighs and the ability to kick very rapidly and spin upside down like a helicopter.

Posted: Jul 13 2009 02:23 pm

I want a girl with the right allocations.

Joined: Sep 17 2007 Location: The Opium Trail Posts: 3475

I've been wanting to contribute to this thread but I keep getting sidetracked. So allow me to throwdown

1) Kim Kardashian figure.

2) Must be goofy/playful

3) Must not have conniving bitch girlfriends.

4) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jSYKSmSfqcs Must treat these three rules as the ten commandments and start a committee to have Monique Marvez be the new Oprah.

5) I don't expect her to swallow, but if she does, she is officially an angel.

6) Must have a non-negotiable understanding and acceptance of my musical tastes.

7) Must accept honesty i.e. "Do I look fat in this dress?" "Yes you do, take it the fuck off and return it."

8a) Whenever I fart loudly, she must applaud like I've won a carnival event, even it's smell is horrifying.

8b) Whenever I fart and it's quiet, she must passively lament.

9a) Whenever I come up from behind and hug her, she must make a squeaky noise like a squeaky doll.

9b) Whenever I smack/grab her ass, she must make a squeaky noise like a squeaky doll.

9c) There will be lots of ass smacking/grabbing; I'll of course have the common decency to not do so in front of her parents, but that's as far as it goes

10) Must like bichons.

11) A relationship is a 50/50 give and take. And must not be calculating in trying to figure out what else she can take from me/ what I haven't given to her. Give me the fucking benefit of the doubt, I will do my damnest to give you your equal of the share.

12) Contrary to what Chris Rock says, if/ when I get fired, there will be no "countdown."

13) Whenever I have a bad dream, late night sex is required to make me feel better.

14) Must have very low fertility rate.

15) Must be sane, somewhat smart, and willing to admit when she's wrong.

16) No cleaning up the house and re-arranging my shit without my consultation.

Addendum: On second thought, 9a and 9b are negotiable. It's a little unfair to expect a girl to be like my last girlfriend.

Posted: Jul 14 2009 02:33 am

Was your last girlfriend also your first?