Hi all! My name is CyberCrotchrocker. Others have also been known to call me, "Cyber," "Crotchrocker," "Dr. Crotchrocker," "Dr. C.C.R.," "Crotch," and sometimes even "Crotchy." For future reference, I'm completely socially inept, especially when it comes to forums and the like. My general hobbies include, but are not limited to, cooking, drawing, writing, video games, singing, playing guitar, playing piano, philosophy, and just generally rocking crotches. Since I was never a very social child, and I was quite unpopular during the early days of my youth, I shall accommodate this thread with things I've written on another website and things that would help me feel at home, that is "Sexy Facts from History." So, without further ado, I will herald my own presence on this forum the best way I know how: Making everyone feel sexually uncomfortable.

First up, some Greek history!

Fact #1: Did you know that the ancient Spartan, as well as other ancient Greek soldiers had sex with each other before battle, not only to relieve tension but as a way to strengthen the bond between their brothers in arms? I don't know. They probably still do that today.

Fact #2: The Spartans, as well as the rest of ancient Greece were big fans of pederasty (sex with little boys)! In fact, you could be a male prostitute in Athens as long as you weren't an adult! Pix or it didn't happen? Very well: http://thewired.info/his/src/123810236780.jpg (SFW, unless your work doesn't appreciate ancient Greek pottery).

Fact #3: Zeus was also a fan of pederasty. As Greek mythology goes, he saw a Greek prince by the name of Ganymede and was instantly smitten with him. What do you do to someone you love? Why, transform into an eagle and rape them, of course! In fact, Ganymede is where the moon orbiting Jupiter got its name.

Fact #4: Sappho was a Greek poet who lived on the Greek island of Lesbos. She is said to have written over 12,000 pieces of poetry dedicated to her sexuality towards girls and women.

Fact #5: In Greek mythology, the gods, Aphrodite and Hermes had a son named Hermaphroditus. He later married a nymph and merged with her, becoming an androgynous being in the process. Yes, this is where the term "hermaphrodite" comes from.

Well, that's all I'm willing to post for now. Just respond, telling me if you want more, or post some more facts that you know! Or just leave my thread in disgust. It's your call. I hope I've followed proper etiquette for this forum. Thanks for reading!

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Greetings Creedence Clearwater Revival, welcome to forums. Most of those facts are not very sexy, and anyone shocked by the weird sexual piccadillios of the greeks has never read greek mythology or history.

Thank you, Robot Gumshoe, but I wanted to start off with the bare bones of my all of my facts before delving into the really weird/obscure shit.

Sexy Fact #6: According to Egyptian mythos the god of the sun, Horus is said to have created Egypt by sucking himself off and spitting his semen onto the ground.

I know that just about everyone has heard that one, but I still think that you have to start out with the building's foundation before working your way up to feng shuiing the living room.

Fact #7: Benito Mussolini lost his virginity in the year 1900, at the age of 17 to an elderly prostitute "who spilled lard from all parts of her body." She charged him 50 Centesimi, which is half an Italian Lira (obviously not a whole lot). Later, he had an affair with a woman whose husband was away on leave for the army. During his sexual prime, he had around 167 mistresses. He was also sort of a rapist.

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FACT: Despite all the muscled shirtless hairy men running around in Norse mythology, only Loki was a genuine homo, and Thor was just a heterosexual crossdresser.

That is true.

Fact #8: Loki, the Norse Trickster God of fire, was known to have changed into a woman multiple times, and even gave birth (while he was a white mare, he decided to be in the submissive role in a homosexual-bestial encounter with a stallion). This resulted in Odin's eight-legged steed, Sleipnir.

To everyone questioning the title of my thread, the "Sexy" is a misnomer (if you don't know what that is, look it up), unless of course you're actually into all these things. Then I guess I hit the nail on the head.

Fact #9: The Egyptian god of Chaos, Set was Horus' uncle. He tried to seduce Horus by complementing him on his ass (yes) and tried to slip it in Horus' cornhole. He failed and only managed to shoot his load in between Horus' thighs. Horus then caught the semen and threw it into the Nile. Later on, Horus decided to get revenge on Set by masturbating all over Set's favorite food, lettuce (which was considered quite phallic at the time). Afterward, Set was bragging to all the other gods about how he just assraped his nephew. Horus was there, and happened to call bullshit on Set's claim. The gods called out to Set's seed, which was in the Nile. They then called out to Horus' seed which was on the lettuce that he masturbated on, which was in Set's belly.

Fact #10: Back then, people thought this would happen to you.