When I was a little kid I made the worst mistake of my life. Given the choice between Sega Genesis and SNES, I chose the former. While it sucks that I can't share my elementary school SNES experiences, some good came out of my decision. I now get to play all those games on my wii which has made me 1. lose my girlfriend, 2. not go to the gym in a year and 3. practically fail out of med school.

I just finished playing Earthbound. It kicked ass, but the whole time I was playing I couldn't stop thinking what a fucking douchebag Ness' dad is. Here are 8 reasons why (in no particular order):

1. He left the family - Ness dad is nowhere to be seen in the game. Nowhere. He doesn't even show up for the credits.

2. He makes you think he's giving you money, even though hes not - at first you might ignore the fact that Ness' dad left the family and think that he his just working hard to support them. He even gives Ness a seemingly endless amount of money. Thats bullshit. Ness' work gets him money - he makes a certain amount for every enemy he defeats. Somehow, his jackass dad arranged it so that HE gets all the money and then dispenses it to Ness as he feels necessary. Really, all the money ness makes is through his own hard work. His dad lives off the percent he skims off the top. Dick.

3. His advice - Most of the time, you have to initiate conversation with him. When he does call you, all he does is criticize the decisions you are making in life. Don't work hard. Thanks for the great advice, dick. Take a break dad? I'm trying to save the fucking world. I should feed your ass to Giygas.

4. His job - according to the EarthBound Playing Guide, Ness dad works in the hamburger industry. He fucking flips hamburgers at a fast food restaurant. If you follow his great fatherly advice, you will too. No wonder he's mooching money off Ness.

5. He screwed the Minches over - ever wonder why Pokey makes Ness life so much more difficult? I'm going to go out on a limb and say it is because Ness's dad completely screwed their family over. He borrowed hundreds of thousands of dollars and never paid Aloysius back. Then he skipped town. If I were pokey, I would be a dick to Ness too.

6. Child labor/?prostitution - because he left the family and Ness is busy trying to save the world, Tracy and her mother are left to their own devices to pay the bills. That's why Tracy is stuck working for Escargo Express. Ness is 13. Tracy is Ness' YOUNGER sister. Because you left the family, your preteen daughter is stuck working insane hours. And that's just the beginning. Do you really think that Escargo Express would trust a preteen with arranging all their shipments? No. The only logical answer is that it is a front and Tracy is really employed as a child sex worker.

7. You call him 99% of the time - sure, every once in a while you will get a call from him where he gives Ness some of his signature shitass advice, but every other time you are have to initiate contact with him. And when you do, he talks to Ness for 3 seconds then blows you off by telling you he's tired.

8. Broken promises - he tells Ness that he will show up for his 14th birthday. Do you think he actually does? Fuck no.

Okay... that's all I had the energy to type up for now. I'm sure there are other reasons why Ness dad sucks. If you can think of them, let me know.

3 years now. I lived in Baltimore for 4 years in college and moved here for grad school.