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Posted: Feb 14 2009 06:08 pm

http://www.fmylife.com

This is the most funny site ever. People write antidotes about what ruined their day. They always begin with Today, and always end in FML (Fuck My Life). For example:

Quote:

Today, my girlfriend of one month and I had an amazing night of dinner and dancing, but when I leaned in to kiss her, she said, "You're joking right?" FML

LMAO! You really should check this site out.

Posted: Feb 14 2009 06:22 pm

Lmao. Some of these are classic. My favorite thus far:

"Today, my boss called me into his office to show me the web site of a potential business partner. When he began to type 'virginia' into google, it auto-completed his search with his recent search for 'virgin boy assholes'. I have to go on business trip with him tomorrow. I'm a young guy. FML"

Its sad and disturbing...but god dammit it made me laugh lol.

This one's pretty good too:

"Today, I was at the airport trying to help a man get to the right terminal. When he finished he turned to tell me "Don't worry, your English is pretty good, considering you're not American". English is my only language. FML"

Posted: Feb 14 2009 06:28 pm

I feel bad for laughing at this one:

"Today, my mom took me to the doctor for my annual physical. Puberty still hasn't arrived, and the doctor seems concerned. Then he leaves the room, and leaves the door ajar. I overhear him discussing my undeveloped penis with my mom, and brings her in to show her 'the problem'. FML"

Posted: Feb 14 2009 06:41 pm

IceWarm wrote:

I feel bad for laughing at this one:

"Today, my mom took me to the doctor for my annual physical. Puberty still hasn't arrived, and the doctor seems concerned. Then he leaves the room, and leaves the door ajar. I overhear him discussing my undeveloped penis with my mom, and brings her in to show her 'the problem'. FML"

I saw that one and winced lol.

Here's one that might very well be proof that karma exists:

"Today, I was passing a building and saw a fat, ugly person inside. I started to laugh and noticed it was my reflection. FML"

*snort*

Posted: Feb 14 2009 06:54 pm

You have to wonder how many of these didn't actually happen though. Even in that case though, some interesting shit.

SoldierHawk wrote:

[...] *snort*

Nice line. Cue to wipe.

Posted: Feb 14 2009 07:02 pm

^

lol. "Scoff" just doesn't have the same resonance Razz

I was actually wondering about the real-life thing myself though, too. I'm sure some of them are made up, but most sound pretty plausible.

Come to think of it, since I'm busy laughing at all these poor people, I should probably tell one on myself. I'm not inclined to post it on that site, but...true story...

[About eight years ago] I was in my first week of working for the Old Globe Theatre (live theatre venue specalizing in Shakespeare in San Diego.) When you go into a customer's account, there's a pop up box alerting you if they need special seating. So I ask the woman I'm on the phone with, "will you be needing your usual wheelchair accommodation?" She says no. Picturing someone healing from an illness, or getting a cast off their leg, I stupidly say, "oh, well congratulations."

She replies, "actually my husband couldn't get a liver transplant in time. He died last week."

Open mouth, insert food, and FML.

Posted: Feb 14 2009 07:07 pm

SoldierHawk wrote:

^

lol. "Scoff" just doesn't have the same resonance Razz

I was actually wondering about the real-life thing myself though, too. I'm sure some of them are made up, but most sound pretty plausible.

Come to think of it, since I'm busy laughing at all these poor people, I should probably tell one on myself. I'm not inclined to post it on that site, but...true story...

[About eight years ago] I was in my first week of working for the Old Globe Theatre (live theatre venue specalizing in Shakespeare in San Diego.) When you go into a customer's account, there's a pop up box alerting you if they need special seating. So I ask the woman I'm on the phone with, "will you be needing your usual wheelchair accommodation?" She says no. Picturing someone healing from an illness, or getting a cast off their leg, I stupidly say, "oh, well congratulations."

She replies, "actually my husband couldn't get a liver transplant in time. He died last week."

Open mouth, insert food, and FML.

I actually got a story from 6th grade.

In 6th grade I came back to the classroom after going to the bathroom. The teacher asks, "Did you pee your pants? Do you need to see the nurse?". I had leaned on the wet counter in the bathroom and my pants were soaked. FML.

Posted: Feb 14 2009 07:31 pm

DarknessDeku wrote:

SoldierHawk wrote:

^

lol. "Scoff" just doesn't have the same resonance Razz

I was actually wondering about the real-life thing myself though, too. I'm sure some of them are made up, but most sound pretty plausible.

Come to think of it, since I'm busy laughing at all these poor people, I should probably tell one on myself. I'm not inclined to post it on that site, but...true story...

[About eight years ago] I was in my first week of working for the Old Globe Theatre (live theatre venue specalizing in Shakespeare in San Diego.) When you go into a customer's account, there's a pop up box alerting you if they need special seating. So I ask the woman I'm on the phone with, "will you be needing your usual wheelchair accommodation?" She says no. Picturing someone healing from an illness, or getting a cast off their leg, I stupidly say, "oh, well congratulations."

She replies, "actually my husband couldn't get a liver transplant in time. He died last week."

Open mouth, insert food, and FML.

I actually got a story from 6th grade.

In 6th grade I came back to the classroom after going to the bathroom. The teacher asks, "Did you pee your pants? Do you need to see the nurse?". I had leaned on the wet counter in the bathroom and my pants were soaked. FML.

That's when you fake humility, say yes, blat to the nurse that you're too embarrassed to continue and have them call your parents so you can get out early.

Posted: Feb 14 2009 08:59 pm

Oh my.. these Valentine ones are kinda funny, I feel bad for laughing at this one though

Today I returned home from college for the first time in a month. I went to my bedroom and found a nice gift bag on my dresser, thinking it was a Valentine's gift , I opened it. My dog's ashes were in a tin inside. This is how I found out my dog has died since I have been away. FML

Today, I realized the reason I was asked to babysit 3 weeks ago for Feb 14 was because the old married couple with kids safely assumed that I wouldn't have a Valentine. FML

This site is awesome. haha

Posted: Feb 14 2009 11:29 pm

"Today, while copying some stuff for school, I felt someone rubbing her boobs against my back. I got a boner and when I looked to see who the hot chick was, I saw my fat friend rubbing his man boobs against my back. FML"

EDIT: "Today, I had just gotten over the flu and thought I was better. So me and my boyfriend decided to have sex. As I was about to orgasm, I puked all over his face. He was so disgusted that he ended up throwing up on me as well. FML"

Posted: Feb 15 2009 12:18 am

Hahaha I just spent like 20 mins there, some of those are hilarious.

Posted: Feb 15 2009 05:42 am

SoldierHawk wrote:

"Today, my boss called me into his office to show me the web site of a potential business partner. When he began to type 'virginia' into google, it auto-completed his search with his recent search for 'virgin boy assholes'. I have to go on business trip with him tomorrow. I'm a young guy. FML"

That's messed up! Laughing

Joined: Feb 14 2009 Posts: 4

I want to be the guy in this scenario...
"Today, I was giving my boyfriend a blow job, he was twitching and moving around and saying "oh yeah" then he said "take that bitch". I looked up to see he was only excited about how he is domination in Call of Duty 4. FML"

Sucky sucky and CoD...That's sexy...

Posted: Jun 03 2009 06:20 pm

Today I walked in on my dad playing with himself. He really loves Solitaire. MLIA
MyLifeisAverage.com, like FML but without the cringing that's associated with many of the stories

Title: Naunie Joined: Dec 07 2008 Posts: 1026

Quote:

Today, I had to rub my turtle's anus with a wet Q-tip, which is supposed to help with his constipation. I think he liked it. FML

.......What? Confused

Posted: Jun 04 2009 09:19 pm

This one made me crack up for some reason. Today, I was on a roller coaster and this 13 year old sitting next to me was completely terrified. To cheer him up, I threw my hands in the air. While my hands were up, we hit a curve and I elbowed him in the face, making him cry. FML

Posted: Jun 05 2009 12:52 am

More proof that kids are assholes:

Quote:

Today, I was driving on the motorway when a cop car made me stop. It was a routine check and when they said "Have you been drinking?" of course I said no. To that, my 6 year old sitting in the back screamed "Yes he did! He's lying I saw him drink!" I had drunk a milkshake. FML

Quote:

Today, my 6 year old son says to me: 'You smell nice daddy'. Surprised, but very flattered I thank him, he adds 'I like the smell of cheese!'. FML

Quote:

Today, I ate at a friend's house. Her 5-year-old son, who was at the table with us, looked at me and said quietly to me, "You're ugly!" When my friend came back, I told her what had happened; she told him off briefly and then the boy began to cry, shouting, "But she isn't pretty!" FML

And this one's just hilarious:

Quote:

Today, for the 25th time, an Indian called my cell phone asking for 'Pinkie'. I don't know who the hell Pinkie is, but I don't appreciate people calling wrong numbers while I'm having sex. FML

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