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Ross Rifle
Title: Rock N Roll God
Joined: Oct 29 2006
Location: Chilliwack, BC
Posts: 4844
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Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you a poem by my dear friend, Ms. Kyla Dove. She doesn't write often, but was inspired by some recent events involving a boy haha. She showed me and I really, really dug it, so she asked me to get some opinions from people. I thought that this would be the best place.
I'm still beating.
Don't think I stopped and ran away.
I still connect, but stitches are here to stay,
Broken can be fixed,
But not as good as new.
I still beat strong and hard,
And I will get you through.
Don't turn me to a stone,
My flesh was made to breathe.
My brokenness will one day fade
To patches of scars, but be whole again.
Don't run away from me,
I'll guide you strong and true.
This was no mistake,
This I promise you.
Don't forget me now,
This is your time of need.
I still remember how
I once did beat.
The notes ring in my head,
Now just breathe and follow me.
I will get you through,
Don't try and ignore the truth.
So what does everyone think?
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Andrew Man
Title: Is a Funklord
Joined: Jan 30 2007
Location: Annandale, VA
Posts: 5603
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Nice, I like the beat motif running through it.
Also, maybe this should have been posted in the Feedback section?
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 My Muzaks! CHECK IT OUT!!!
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3DS is very good, and Wii U!
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Captain_Pollution
Title: Hugh
Joined: Sep 23 2007
Posts: 1591
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Because it is oh so totally site-related, that poetry thread did come to mind, though.
Yeah that's pretty nift though, I give it an A-
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 <Drew_Linky> Well, I've eaten vegetables all of once in my life.
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Ross Rifle
Title: Rock N Roll God
Joined: Oct 29 2006
Location: Chilliwack, BC
Posts: 4844
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Yeah, I wasn't sure where to put it, and I wanted opinions from newbies and vets.
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Cameron
Title: :O � O:
Joined: Feb 01 2008
Location: St. Louis, MO
Posts: 4637
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I like the feel of this poem; it feels as though it could be a song.
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Ross Rifle
Title: Rock N Roll God
Joined: Oct 29 2006
Location: Chilliwack, BC
Posts: 4844
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True dat. My personal favorite elements are the first line and how in-your-face it is; and that it's a letter to herself, from the viewpoint of her heart. I have the whole inside scoop on this situation and maybe that gives me a better understanding and possible bias, but I find it to be very strong.
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Dr. Jeebus
Moderator
Title: SLF Harbinger of Death
Joined: Sep 03 2005
Location: Wakefield, MA
Posts: 5228
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I'm one of those purists that feels poetry has to rhyme. I also can't write poetry for shit, so I can't possibly give any real adjudication.
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dr.jeebus.sydlexia.com - Updated sometimes, but on hiatus!
| UsaSatsui wrote: |
| The three greatest heels in history...Andy Kaufman, Triple H, and Dr. Jeebus |
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Hacker
Banned
Joined: Sep 13 2008
Posts: 3129
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Ross, I like this poem. I think you could make this into a really good song if you wanted
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SoldierHawk
Moderator
Title: Warrior-Poet
Joined: Jan 15 2009
Location: San Diego, CA
Posts: 6113
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It is nice, and not surprising it sounds like a song since a) you're a kickass musician and b) poetry and song have been interrelated since people invented music.
I can hear an awesome Metallica-esque riff going along with it.
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| William Shakespeare wrote: |
| Love all, trust a few, do wrong to none. |
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Ross Rifle
Title: Rock N Roll God
Joined: Oct 29 2006
Location: Chilliwack, BC
Posts: 4844
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*cough*Ididn'twriteit*cough*
But I'll let my friend know your thoughts
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SoldierHawk
Moderator
Title: Warrior-Poet
Joined: Jan 15 2009
Location: San Diego, CA
Posts: 6113
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Hacker
Banned
Joined: Sep 13 2008
Posts: 3129
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| Ross Rifle wrote: |
*cough*Ididn'twriteit*cough*
But I'll let my friend know your thoughts  |
.........Still nice though
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anorexorcist
Title: Polar Bear
Joined: May 21 2008
Location: The Cock and Plucket
Posts: 2131
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I still beat too. Come on, you all thought about a jerkin' joke, except for maybe Hawk.
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 Lawyers, Guns and Money |
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Ross Rifle
Title: Rock N Roll God
Joined: Oct 29 2006
Location: Chilliwack, BC
Posts: 4844
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That's fucking terrible anor! haha, and I'm gonna tell her you said that Hawk
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Hacker
Banned
Joined: Sep 13 2008
Posts: 3129
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| anorexorcist wrote: |
| I still beat too. Come on, you all thought about a jerkin' joke, except for maybe Hawk. |
After this I thought that
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