Yeah, you're probably wanting an explanation on that title.
Because I was bored this weekend, here's what I did.
-I grabbed one NES game for each letter of the alphabet. I picked games I had never played before, though some I knew through reputation or had played versions on other systems.
-I played each game for no more than 10 minutes. This was partly to get a chance to play all 26 games, and partly to get a "first impression" of the game. Some games I didn't need 10 minutes to get the gist of (once you've played 5 minutes of Q*Bert, you know what it's about).
-I wrote a quick sentence or two or three about the game, and gave it a quick 1-10 score. Because everyone likes 1-10 rankings.
Here they are.
-----------------------------------------
After Burner:
Interesting and kind of fun, but I couldn't figure out how to barrel roll or what it did besides annoy me when I did it randomly. I also never quite figured out just what killed me much of the time. 6/10
Bill & Ted'S Excellent Video Game Adventure:
I don't know...it took me 5 minutes to figure out what phone number to dial first, I got reamed on the weird Circuits of Time minigame, and my pudding cups freaked everyone out. Not very user-friendly. Awesome 8-bit faces of George Carlin and Keanu Reeves, though. 4/10.
Conan:
What the hell is this crap? Worst controls ever...all you can do is punch and kick, pressing down causes you to jump, the graphics and sound suck, there's items you can clearly pick up but I can't find any possible way to grab them...and did I mention that when you press down, you fucking jump? What the HELL? 1/10
Darkwing Duck:
Not what you'd expect from a Capcom Disney-game...it doesn't even try to pander to the kiddies, it just kicks you in the face. Very solid platformer, good graphics and music, brings in a few bosses from the TV show too (but no Negaduck?). Only hangup is the...well, hangups. Seems too focused on the "Make this very precise jump or DIE" style. 9/10
Eight Eyes:
Man, I will never complain about Castlevania being too hard ever again. That's pretty much what Eight Eyes is, Castlevania with a bird and some open-ended gameplay...and a weapon that sucks. Gets a few bonus points from me for the idea of a hawk companion, plus being made by "Thinking Rabbit" and having a "House of Ruth" stage, but really, the game sucks. 3/10
Fuzzical Fighter:
Now here's a cool concept: It's a side-scrolling shooter with some RPG elements that let you "level up" your ship between stages. It's even got a nifty "auto-pilot" you can turn on that handles most of the manuevering. It took me freaking forever to figure out how to get to the action sequences, but once I did, it turned out to be pretty fun. 6/10.
Gremlins 2 - The New Batch:
Holy crap, this game doesn't suck! Though the graphics are kind of blah and the random cutscenes from the movie don't seem to make much sense, the gameplay is pretty solid. Being able to only buy one item from the shops at a time was a pain, though. 7.5/10
Heavy Barrel:
Some arcade translations work well. Heavy Barrel does not. The screen scrolls about half as fast as you move, so walking into enemies that were just off screen is common. The power ups are mostly inaccessible, they all seem stolen from Contra, they have limited ammo, and forget it because as soon as you get one, you die anyways. Oh, and the Heavy Barrel? Forget about ever getting it. 2.5/10
Incredible Crash Dummies:
I swear this game was designed solely to piss off the person playing it. You're a guy on wheels who has to go up hills. When enemies hit you, they send you flying until you hit a wall, at which point you explode before magicly reforming...and sometimes there's a long trip to the last wall. And if that does happen, consider yourself lucky, since sometimes they just knock your head off, reversing your controls, and no you can't get that head back until you die. Yeah, I've played bad games, but no that were so much a blatant "fuck you" to the player than this one. 1/10
James Bond, Jr:
Surprisingly not too bad, but not that good either. Open-ended platformer with some problem solving, and I couldn't find much wrong with it except some really irritating music. But it wasn't really fun. 5/10
Kiwi Kraze:
Also known as The New Zeland Story...well, damn, this was a blast to play. A yellow bird in sneakers rampaging around New Zeland...how can I not approve? Also get super bonus points for the first boss fight, where you kill him from -inside-. 9/10
Lemmings:
Wow. Lemmings for the NES. How can it go wrong? Well, start with the fact the controls are awful...there's a mouse pointer but you can't move it down to the job assignment panel. The lemmings move way too fast, the levels are downsized with practicly no detail and far fewer lemmings, exploding doesn't destroy terrain anymore, the music is awful...I could go on. Really, with the SNES version being so awesome, was there a need for this? 3/10
Mighty Final Fight:
Capcom was smart. They knew an NES version of Final Fight would be nothing like the arcade no matter how good it was. So they stripped down the graphics, went all SD, kept the moves and characters, and added in a dash of humor. Viola, you have Mighty Final Fight, and it's really the same game. Awesome if you like Final Fight. I do, but get bored after a while. 8/10
North and South
Confusing to play without any idea how to play it. But fun, particularly the battles. Now if I can only figure out how to get some reinforcements... 5.5/10
Operation Secret Storm:
This game is based on the idea that one guy is going into Iraq alone to take out Saddam at the end of the 1991 Gulf War. The first enemy you meet is a woman in a burqa with a knife. The second one is a naked brown guy with sticks. None of that is made up. This game is horribly offensive, completely unfair, and the controls suck, but it does have that Menace Beach "train wreck" feel that makes you want to keep playing (unfortunately, without the disintigrating clothes). And remember, these are the same people who made those Bible games. 2.5/10
Peter Pan and the Pirates:
I remember loving this cartoon when I was younger. I hate the Disney-fied version of Peter Pan. Peter should be a little punk, Hook should be a vicious gentleman pirate, and Tink should be a jealous bitch. It is the way of things. Anyways, the game. It's garbage on pretty much every front I can think of. You walk left to right, kill pirates en masse (did Peter ever do that?), and die because you can't control Peter or accidently start flying. 3/10
Q*Bert:
It's Q*Bert. Heard of it? Well, I suck at the game, but it's a pretty good port. The ability to set your controls at the beginning is kind of a nice touch. 7/10
Rainbow Islands:
Here's my big secret: I hate Bubble Bobble. So I expected to hate this too. Wrong. The rainbow mechanic takes some getting used to, but just works so well, and the game is just plain awesome. Total rainbow devistation. Only problem: With all those rainbows being chucked around, you might begin to question your heterosexuality (but if you're already gay, problem solved!) 10/10
Star Wars:
I think for some of these games, 10 minutes isn't a fair amount of time to judge them. After 10 minutes of crusing around, all I had to show for it was a better gun and an asskicking from some sandpeople. I found the sandcrawler but I couldn't make a key jump in there, so I think I'm missing something. There was 97% of the game I didn't see, but based upon the 3% I did, I wasn't too thrilled. Except for blasting my way into the Cantina. That was good times. 5.5/10
Trog:
A pretty yawn-inducing Pac-man clone, with the added twist that you can accidently walk off the stage and die. Oh, and you can punch the ghosts. The deaths are pretty funny, particularly when a caveman catches you, and the visuals are pretty, but overall, it's pretty meh. 4.5/10
Ultimate Stuntman:
I think this is the type of game Bayou Billy wanted to be: a little of everything mixed up. Driving, run and gun, wall climbing (?), shooting...the game mixes it up. I'm not sure if it's supposed to be a movie or not, but the game is great, if a bit hard (and Codemasters music is pretty annoying). Plus, US just looks like a badass. 8.5/10
Volleyball:
Really could not figure it out. Oh well. Looked just like every other early NES sports game: spartan, effective, and used a lot of the same music (Play Excitebike. You've heard the music in this game). 3/10
Wurm - Journey to the Center of the Earth:
I cringe every time I see that little Asmik dinosaur on a title screen. But this game wasn't so bad once I figured out you can turn your crummy tank into an awesome hovertank. I have no idea why you wouldn't ever use it. Looks like some RPG elements too. One I'd like to try again. 6.5/10
Xevious:
It's a shooter. I don't like shooters, but I'll be fair. On the down side, no powerups (that I found). But on the upside, it gives you a targeting sight for your bombs. I love the game for that alone, but not as much as I would if it didn't make me bomb ground targets in the first place, or if it were another type of game. 6/10
Yo Noid:
The enemies are way too cheap. The design has no concept of scale, throwing crap like "ice levels" and "tide levels" right out there. The pizza eating contests are retarded. Yo-yos are not even close to an original concept on the NES. And it looks like the Noid is flipping the bird when he uses a super power. But the saddest thing about the game? While Pizza Hut could plaster it's logo all over TMNT II, Dominos can't even get a mention outside the copyright line in the game starring it's mascot. 1.5/10
Zen Intergalactic Ninja:
Another hard as hell one. Not too exciting, despite some isometric stuff. I couldn't figure out what my goal was in each stage, and I didn't really like the environmental messages being crammed down my throat. I don't want my ninjas telling me about the dangers of drugs (I'm looking at you, Black Manta), I sure as heck don't want them telling me to save the planet. 4/10
Cool idea, I'll probably try that as well on my next day off from work.
"Anybody who ever built an empire, or changed the world, sat where you are now. And it’s because they sat there that they were able to do it."
"Fighting in a basement offers a lot of difficulties, number one being, you're fighting in a basement."
"You're Not So Tough Without Your Veggie!"
Ba'al
Title: Zerg Zergling
Joined: Mar 02 2008
Location: Uranus
Posts: 2286
Posted:
May 04 2009 08:52 pm
Yo Noid is the Silver Surfer of NES platforming games.
Ky-Guy
Title: Obscure Nintendo Gamer
Joined: Jul 19 2006
Location: Michigan
Posts: 1418
Posted:
May 04 2009 08:57 pm
UsaSatsui wrote:
Yo Noid:
The enemies are way too cheap. The design has no concept of scale, throwing crap like "ice levels" and "tide levels" right out there. The pizza eating contests are retarded. Yo-yos are not even close to an original concept on the NES. And it looks like the Noid is flipping the bird when he uses a super power. But the saddest thing about the game? While Pizza Hut could plaster it's logo all over TMNT II, Dominos can't even get a mention outside the copyright line in the game starring it's mascot. 1.5/100
Actually, that game was originally Kamen no Ninja: Hanamaru in Japan. It originally featured a relatively flamboyant Ninja with a hawk (which is cooler than a yo-yo). Although, the environments are a little too colorful for a Ninja game, they're definitely better than the environments in Yo Noid. Oh, and the "pizza eating contests" were originally card-based Ninja battles. I actually remember playing both of them on an emulator at one time:
Syd Lexia wrote:
iPhone games are what you play when you can't get at actual games. You know, like how sometimes alcoholics drink mouthwash.
Lexiabot9000 wrote:
Your love life will be happy and harmonious if you stick to masturbating.
IceWarm
Joined: Dec 22 2008
Location: Breckenridge, Colorado
Posts: 1691
Posted:
May 04 2009 09:02 pm
I hated in Yo Noid how you'd still die even if the water level was below you on the first level.
"Anybody who ever built an empire, or changed the world, sat where you are now. And it’s because they sat there that they were able to do it."
"Fighting in a basement offers a lot of difficulties, number one being, you're fighting in a basement."
"You're Not So Tough Without Your Veggie!"
Cameron
Title: :O � O:
Joined: Feb 01 2008
Location: St. Louis, MO
Posts: 4637
Posted:
May 04 2009 09:20 pm
Bill & Ted is actually pretty fun when you can figure out what the heck is going on.
You get reinforcements in North & South by taking over train stations and forts.
Trog is infinitely better in two-player than in one-player.
Zen is confusing because of the complicated controls, but once you can figure out how to stab & lift, the game becomes completely awesome. Only problem is, there are only four stages and a boss battle. Fun while it lasts, though.
UsaSatsui
Title: The White Rabbit
Joined: May 25 2008
Location: Hiding
Posts: 7565
Posted:
May 04 2009 09:27 pm
Quote:
Bill & Ted is actually pretty fun when you can figure out what the heck is going on.
Unfortunately, it was way too hard to figure out what the heck was going on.
I'll probably head back to it sometime with a walkthrough and more than 10 minutes. But it is NOT something you can just figure out.
Really interesting idea. I've always been a fan of Eight Eyes, though.
Oh, and FYI concerning Star Wars: If you hold down either the A or B button (I can't remember), you can get a running start and that key jump'll be no problem.
UsaSatsui
Title: The White Rabbit
Joined: May 25 2008
Location: Hiding
Posts: 7565
Posted:
May 05 2009 01:42 am
NereidKnives wrote:
Really interesting idea. I've always been a fan of Eight Eyes, though.
Oh, and FYI concerning Star Wars: If you hold down either the A or B button (I can't remember), you can get a running start and that key jump'll be no problem.
Really interesting idea. I've always been a fan of Eight Eyes, though.
Oh, and FYI concerning Star Wars: If you hold down either the A or B button (I can't remember), you can get a running start and that key jump'll be no problem.
Videogames 101?
I tried that. Still missed.
Well. You're not really missing out on anything spectaular, anyways.
SoldierHawk
Moderator
Title: Warrior-Poet
Joined: Jan 15 2009
Location: San Diego, CA
Posts: 6113
Posted:
May 05 2009 08:32 pm
Cool idea Usa, it was a good read. I enjoyed it.
William Shakespeare wrote:
Love all, trust a few, do wrong to none.
Fernin
Title: Comic Author
Joined: Dec 12 2008
Posts: 1179
Posted:
May 05 2009 09:01 pm
As with a number of other people, I decided to try this challenge for myself. However, having spent years playing roms and getting all sorts of games for my comic, I had a bit of a tough time finding games I hadn't played already. I did manage to find one for the whole alphabet, though most of them are ridiculously obscure (and, as such, excessively terrible). I did manage to find a few gems among them, though. However... I was a bit more verbose than Satsui in my reaction to each game, so you've been warned.
Here's my list:
Adventures of Rad Gravity:
This seems pretty good, despite my initial reaction to the graphics and poor hit detection. The graphics seem to be mimicking a PC game, very large sprites and cutscenes with very cartoonish people. The gameplay is basic platforming, jumping and slashing with a laser sword. You have a communicator that can pull you out of the level at any time to get back to full health, but if you do, you have to start the level over again. I died numerous times and never seemed to face any consequences for it, so I'm not sure what difference it makes. There was a score bar, but it didn't go up when I killed enemies, only when I picked up items... and damn, was it random... The first item I picked up was an item that gave me an extra health bar, and it gave me... 71,598 points. Randomness, anyone? Sound and music was pretty average, it wasn't great, but it wasn't annoying, either. I had some problems early on with the hit detection, but was able to get the timing of hitting enemies before they hit me down pretty well. Just before the end, I picked up a gun, so that helped a lot. I got through the first area and got the "teleport location" for the second, the game seems somewhat open ended as to where you can go... I'm honestly interested in seeing more of this game. 8/10
Breakthru:
A sort of scrolling shooter, with a ...tanklike jeep... that can jump. I wasn't able to get past the first stage, despite continuing multiple times. The momentum system the game has for speeding up and jumping over obstacles is terrible, and the falling rocks don't fall in a predictable pattern... they just fall directly in front of you, making it impossible to move forward at any decent speed. Oh, and there's also guys with guns, big trucks with guns, land mines, and missiles being shot at you. Absolutely terrible, I say. 2/10
Captain Planet and the Planeteers:
I'm confused, and relieved... I started it up fully expecting to hear an 8-bit version of the show's end theme, but instead got some very generic music. The same was true for the intro cutscene where Gaia said that Hoggish Greedly was going to drill for oil in national parks, and also in the game itself, very generic music all around. The game is a very poor side scrolling shooter, you control the Planeteer's ship. You have all five of the Planeteer's powers at your command: Fire shoots a fireball straight ahead, Water sends a water whirl in a wave-beam like pattern, Wind creates a shield of tornados around the ship, Earth sends a rock out in an arc about an inch in front of the ship, and Heart is a... I guess it's a tractor beam for rescuing the little animals, I think that's the point of the game... Not entirely sure. I think I made it to the end of the first stage, since I ran into a dead end that had an animal in it, but I couldn't pick it up... I was all out of power. Each power you use lowers a power meter, Wind lowers it faster than any of the others, and by the time I got to the animal, I was entirely out, and couldn't do anything but crash into the wall and die. 2/10
Dash Galaxy in the Alien Asylum:
This is a game that absolutely needs a manual, I have no clue what I just did. It starts off with a box puzzle, you move boxes to get to doors that lead to platforming sections where all you can do is jump and move... very, very slowly. Hitting B just tells me that I don't have any bombs. I mostly figured out what each little item did, but I still have no clue what the bomb did that I finally picked up and set. Beyond that, though, the music is absolutely horrible and the graphics are very primitive, looks like it'd be more at home on one of the mid-level Ataris. Not unplayable, but still pretty damn bad. 4/10
Eliminator Boat Duel:
This was... surprisingly fun. Sort of like an early Rock N' Roll Racing, minus the Rock N' Roll, with boats instead of cars and trucks. Basic racing concept, but you get money whether you win or lose, and you can retry a race up to three times. You spend money on upgrades for the engine, turbo booster, steering, and hull, the interesting thing is that the computer opponent is also spending money on the same thing, so they get better along with you. Pretty good stuff, kept me entertained past the 10 minutes... until I got a game over and had to start over with the first race. 7/10.
Flight of the Intruder:
Excuse me, one second, must go look up when this was released, and when Top Gun was released... Yeesh, both Top Gun and Top Gun: The Second Mission were released before this pile of ass. It's a pathetic version of Top Gun, same view, very similar console, controls like a rock in the air, and you only get three missiles, which are impossible to aim properly. I'm not sure if you're supposed to get from point A to point B, or somehow destroy all the enemies, I got a game over and stopped caring long before I beat the first level. 1/10
Gilligan's Island:
There we go, an 8-bit version of a tv show theme. Unlike the zany antics of the show, though, the game was rather slow and dull. You control the Skipper, and Gilligan just kind of tags along doing nothing. You can jump and punch, and while there are numerous animals trying to kill you, the punch doesn't seem to affect any of them. Thankfully, the game gives you a map, but getting around is achingly slow. I found the Howells, and they told me that a bird stole their ring and took it to the tree, but the tree wasn't labeled on the map. So, I wandered around for a bit, fell into a "sand waterfall" and ended up a long way back, and gave up on it. Not horrible, but not too great, either. 5/10
Hudson Hawk:
...This was a movie tie-in game? News to me... Somewhat average platformer, with terrible jumping controls and awkward box puzzles. If you push a box into a wall... it reappears to the left of you. And the first place you have a box puzzle where this can happen, there happens to be a laser that shoots at that spot of the floor in timed intervals, so there's a good chance you'll walk straight into it because the box just suddenly disappears. In the third room, there were some kind of lasers on the floor that I couldn't get past, the jumping was just too crappy to time it properly. I didn't play much, but I didn't like what I did play. 3/10
The Immortal:
Instant death, every step of the way. In the room you start in alone, there's two ways to die. Beyond that, there's flames shooting from the floor and walls, arrow shooters, and many other implements of death. The layout is similar to Exodus or some other skewed, pseudo-3d game.The combat system is awkward, your dodge barely seems to work, while the enemy's dodge always succeeds. I didn't make it very far, even just running like hell and avoiding the enemies as best I could, the simplest enemies killed me easily. 3/10
Jurassic Park:
Why do the dinosaurs quack when I shoot them? Why do they explode in a puff of smoke when they die? Why do they drop ammunition for my bazooka? Why does it take two bazooka shots to kill the tiniest of dinosaurs? Why, when I was told to rescue Tim from a Triceratops stampede, am I wandering around collecting dinosaur eggs? What the hell am I supposed to do after I collect all 12 eggs in this area? But overall, not bad for a movie tie-in game. 6/10
Klash Ball:
Well, I tried to avoid getting any sports games, but I didn't have many choices in the K's. At least this is a sports game unlike many others, none that I can think of anyway. ...And I got my ass handed to me, lost 5-2. I read the instructions that it had on the title screen, but never seemed to be able to steal the ball... or even really have any clue of what I was doing. I was told to get 2 crowns, but I didn't even see one. Not bad, just not for me. 5/10
Laser Invasion:
Well, I was told that this game was a Zapper game, or, more accurately, a Laser Scope game, but I spent the first half of the 10 minutes just trying to get it to work with either, and failed completely. Not to mention, you have to use the controller to move left and right and whatnot... How could you do that with the Zapper or Laser Scope? Basically, another Top Gun clone, but you're in a helicopter this time. Oh, and one single missile kills you, no matter how much health you have left. Oh oh, and the music and sound effects both sounded like they were taken out of TMNT II and tweaked ever so slightly. 3/10
Mechanized Attack:
Huh, another Zapper game, and this one actually works with the Zapper. ...Sort of. Using both FCE Ultra and Virtua NES, I was unable to get the Zapper to actually work with it. Virtua NES worked slightly better, but the aim was way off, somehow. In testing it, I went and opened up Duck Hunt, and the aim was spot on, so I dunno what was up with it. Not bad for an NES rail shooter, but I'd be having a lot more fun if I was able to use my Zapper (read: mouse). 6/10
Ninja Kid:
An extremely Japanese (I was being attacked by rolling Daruma, for crap's sake) platformer with one hit kills. Unless you're playing a game named "Contra" or "SuperC", you shouldn't be playing a platformer with one hit kills. Cute sprites, though. 3/10
Overlord:
Well. This is definitely a game that needs an instruction manual. Probably a 50 page thick one. I was able to find my way around a little bit, and it seems like a very deep game, what with buying ships, mining and farming facilities, defenses, choosing the amount of people, food, fuel, and energy to put on each craft you send out... However, I never figured out how to actually send the crafts out. They made it into orbit, but I couldn't figure out how to send them to the next planet, which I'm assuming is how you progress in the game, controlling more planets and eventually wiping out the enemy. Fun, but it'd be more fun if I had a better idea of what I was doing. 6/10
Photon: The Ultimate Game on Planet Earth:
The name is definitely false advertising, I wouldn't even call it the Ultimate Game on Planet Venus, it's that bad. I initially thought of the stages where you moved forward in Contra, rather than to the right, but this game is set in a maze, so you can move in all directions. ...While still only moving forward, the game automatically turns when you walk off the right or left edge of the screen. It's definitely a game that's in need of a map system, you could map it yourself, but it'd be hard given the nature of moving in the game. Pretty bad overall, I was bored and lost within minutes. 3/10
Quattro Adventure:
Hm, four games in one, I didn't know that... I decided to cover all four games in 10 minutes, rather than spending 40 minutes covering this unlicensed nonsense...
Linus Spacehead:
For a game called Linus Spacehead, why does it start you underwater, unable to do anything but jump on bubbles that pop nearly instantly? Trying to work your way upwards isn't fun, it's a horrible chore. Fail #1 for this game. 1/10
Super Robin Hood:
Ehh... Honestly, not bad. A platformer with unresponsive controls, but meh, I've played worse. As Robin Hood (who has a ridiculous look on his overly large head), you run around shooting people with arrows, dodging traps, and stealing treasure. Not a fail. 6/10
Boomerang Kid:
With a name like that, I expected it to be a platformer where you played as a kid who attacked with boomerangs. Instead, I got a platformer where you play as a kid and you have to platform through each level trying to collect all the boomerangs on the screen, and leaving through the door once you have them. Snakes or giant worms, I can't tell which due to how the sprites look, slither back and forth all over the place, and you can die if you fall too far. Fail #2. 2/10
Treasure Island Dizzy:
Admittedly, the Dizzy series is the best thing the Code Masters company ever produced, with Dizzy the Adventurer being the best one in the series. That said, the games are still subpar compared to some of the classics, and Treasure Island Dizzy is far worse than Dizzy the Adventurer, in graphics, sound, and gameplay. 4/10
Averaging the scores together gives us a 3.25/10, which sounds about right to me.
Rocket Ranger:
What on earth am I playing? There's tons of text explaining how aliens attacked, and every time you move to a new country, you get a wall of text that sounds more like a d20 Modern scenario, right down to the "You are" nonsense. I'm not sure if the manual would explain where you're supposed to go, or if it'd all be trial and error. I was expecting a platformer with a jetpack, but instead I got... a boxing match, with really bad controls, and sound effects that didn't make sense. You got one sound effect when you landed a hit, a different sound effect when you got hit yourself... and that same sound effect when you threw a punch that missed. After winning the boxing match, I apparently got one rocket part, but didn't have enough fuel to return to America and check out the rocket lab... so I just checked out various South American countries, being told via Text Wall that most of my trips were pointless, and in one country, I got a section where I was shooting upwards at an Aztec temple, covered in gun turrets. It was... just plain weird. 4/10
Silkworm:
Wow, talk about your mediocre scrolling shooters. The choice to play as either a helicopter or a jeep is at least mildly nifty, but it's not enough to save this game from being utterly boring. There aren't even any powerups! What kind of scrolling shooter doesn't have powerups?! 3/10
Time Lord:
This is somewhat Double Dragon-esque. It definitely is a side scrolling beat em up game, but all the enemies fall in one hit, and the hit detection is beyond terrible. Enemies seem to damage you before they even touch you, and you can hit enemies behind you by swinging forward. You also can't run in this game, even though some of the jumps seem like they require that ability. You're looking for 5 Time Orbs in each stage, but I only found 3 in the first stage, there must've been an area I didn't find. Not too bad, but it didn't really grab me, and the slow pace just made things dull. 5/10
Ultima:
Exodus: I know 10 minutes isn't much for an RPG, but my options were very limited for the U's. Moving around the map is Dragon Warrior-esque, to continue with the comparisons, but the combat is more like an early strategy game. In the 10 minutes, I completed... one battle. I didn't want to just talk to everyone for the entire time, so I just wandered around the overworld map lost. Seems like a decent, if somewhat slow, RPG. 7/10
Videomation:
Take Mario Paint. Take away all references to Nintendo games. Take away all the color palettes, and add in ones which look like they were rejected from an 80's neon color dump. Take away all the catchy music, and replace it with horrendously bad sound. Now take away the ability to animate your own art, and place in absolutely terrible clip art with a few predetermined animation paths. And, while you're at it, take out the stamp creator, the music creator, Gnat Attack, the coloring book, the ability to save and load your drawings, the cool ways to erase the whole drawing, and the damned undo button, and there you have Videomation. 1/10
World Games:
A manual would've been handy here, you'd think it'd just be another button mashing sports game, but a lot of them are just plain confusing. Just to list em, there was Weight Lifting, Barrel Jumping, Cliff Diving, Slalom Skiing, Log Rolling, Bull Riding, Caber Tossing, and Sumo Wrestling. There's too many games to talk about each one individually, we'll just leave it at this... I failed at just about all of them. Any games I won were by random luck and button mashing. Although, it is worth mentioning that in the Caber Toss, I managed to throw it nearly straight up, and it fell back and landed on top of me... and the animation showed it pounding me into the ground like an old Tom and Jerry cartoon or something. 4/10
X-Men:
I did NOT need the full 10 minutes for this one, what a craptastic game. Looking at the characters you can play as, I thought it'd at least be close to the arcade game... but no, it's just plain bad. The graphics are horrendous, the controls are shit, the hit detection is ridiculously off, the music is grating, why was this game even made? It barely deserves it, but... 1/10
Young Indiana Jones Chronicles:
Like so many other games based on shows on the NES, this is a very nice platformer. The array of weapons is nice, the hit detection is spot on, the music is good, and the difficulty is just above midrange. There's really not much else to say about this one, it's rather fun all around. 7/10
Zombie Hunter:
...I think this is some sort of action RPG... but I just plain don't like it. Graphics are crap, music is too, gameplay is just poor. 2/10
UsaSatsui
Title: The White Rabbit
Joined: May 25 2008
Location: Hiding
Posts: 7565
Posted:
May 05 2009 09:21 pm
Quote:
The same was true for the intro cutscene where Gaia said that Sarah Palin was going to drill for oil in national parks,
I'm pretty sure your objective in Rocket Ranger is to obtain enough fuel to fly to the moon or something where you have to kill this king alien dude and...I'm not entirely sure, I could never muster up nearly enough fuel in time, the game moves way too fast. The minigames (especially the punching one) are pretty fun, though.
Time Lord would be fun if it were actually possible to get past the second level.
Ultima Exodus is pretty fun, but it requires a LOT of grinding if you really wanna get anywhere. Ultima: Quest of the Avatar is highly superior.
Videomation is just dang fugly.
X-Men shows potential of being a good game, but as you said, the hit detection is downright warped, and melee characters are completely and utterly useless.
docinsano
Title: Boner King
Joined: Jan 08 2008
Location: Mpls Mini Soda
Posts: 2314
Posted:
May 06 2009 04:28 am
I took the challenge, and here's what I came out with:
3d Worldrunner - Interesting pseudo 3D graphics. Reminds me a bit of Space Harrier, especially at the boss section. Very challenging and interestingly addictive, although the controls while jumping are a bit slippery. Good game for passing a controller between two or more friends. 7/10
Air Fortress - This game is pretty fun even though it seems lacking. At the beginning of each stage is a fairly bland shooter section where you fight scarce amounts of enemies. The next section of each stage is the infiltration stage where you are a dude in a space suit trekking through the fortress. The physics in these stages tries to mimic zero gravity, adding to the challenge. Still, it lacks depth, but for ten minutes of play, I was entertained. 7.5/10
Baloon Fight -Simplicity is the high point of this game: Pop your opponents balloons before they pop yours. Pretty fun, but I'd say the two player mode is probably better. 7.5/10
Cybernoid: The Fighting Machine- A strange shooter/platformer combo. This game is very frustrating, progression is slow, and your weapons suck ass. I would enjoy the plague more than playing this game. 3/10
Days of Thunder - Based on the movie with Tom Cruise, this racing game totally sucks. The game mechanics suck ass and are unrealistic. I couldn't complete a full race since I would run out of gas twenty feet from the finish line. Watch the movie before you ever touch this game. 2.5/10
Elite- I couldn't even stand this game. Either the emulation was glitchy or the game is crap. I'm willing to go with the latter. I had no idea what to do or where to go, or how to go anywhere for that metter. 8 minutes of play was enough. 2/10
Fantasy Zone - Very fun shooter with interesting bright and colorful graphics. Enemies drop coins which you use to upgrade weapons, adding depth to the game. Very balanced challenge. I was wanting to play more after ten minutes. 8/10
Guerilla War - Fun, fast shooter by SNK in the same vein as Ikari Warriors. As the name of the game implies, you are a guerilla warrior, setting the people of some island free, a revolution if you will. 8 direction shooting is more suited to a joystick than a gamepad. Unlimited continues is a welcome addition to this game. Very fun and addictive, this game had me wanting to play more. 8/10
Hydlide - At first this game looked like an innocent Zelda clone, but no. At first I didn't even grasp the control scheme. After a half dozen deaths I figured out how to play the game a bit, but it still was shallow and boring. 4/10
Isolated Warrior - This is a 3/4 overhead style shooter that reminded me of Contra: Legacy of War. This game was very fun and had tons of enemies and powerups to pick up. Ten minutes of gameplay was not enough for this gem to truly shine. 9/10
Jungle Book - Virgin's NES port of Disney's Jungle Book wasn't too bad except for stiff controls, which made some jumps and attacks difficult. The levels are nicely colored with just the right amount of complexity and Mowgli has several weapons to choose from. Entertaining and not frustrating so I'll give it 7.5/10
Karnov - I've only heard of this game, but never played it. A side scrolling shoot 'em up style game, it isn't bad, although it is slower paced and less action packed. The music was pretty sweet though. I was wanting to play a little bit more after ten minutes, but the game didn't grasp me as firmly as it should have. 6/10
Lee Travino's Fighting Golf - Although there was no fighting, there was a lot of golf which made this your standard NES golf game. Not as satisfying as NES Open or Golf, I felt this game could have, and should have been better. And what the fuck is up with the deceptive game name? 5/10
Mighty Bomb Jack - Not a bad little platformer. Nice music, simple gameplay, easy to pick up and play. And to top it off it was enjoyable. 7/10
Ninja Kid - Another action platformer. You're a ninja kid, literally, and you throw darts and collect weapons and items to open the door to the next stage. Interesting in that you can walk around a world map to choose your stage. And every time you start a stage it is different, or at least it seemed different. Fun for ten minutes, I really wanted to play a bit more, the challenge progressed nicely, and once I had a grasp on how the game worked, it was enjoyable. The only negative thing I can think of is the controls are a bit loose, so I had to lower it a half point. 7.5/10
Orb-3D - Within the first 5 minutes, I thought this odd 3-d style breakout-type game was really shitty. After I picked up the general mechanics of it all it was quite enjoyable and there were different things to bump your orb into. Even more fun is when you get two orbs on the screen. And the bowling stage! 7.5/10
Power Blade - This sci-fi action platformer was leaving me wanting to play more. You play as some dude whose main weapon is a boomerang, collecting powerups and the like. The controls are pretty good, the music is solid, the challenge seems pretty balanced and there's even a nice storyline that I skipped at the begining. 8/10
Qix - Hmmm, this one was interesting, a game where you draw lines and avoid these balls on the sides of the play field and colored sticks (Qix?) that try to mess up your lines. It's hard to explain, and pretty hard to grasp the concept at first. It was enjoyable (if not confusing as hell) for ten minutes, but I can't say I'd play it for more than a half hour at a time. 6.5/10
Renegade - This game was a cheap Double Dragon clone with graphics that resemble River City Ransom somewhat. The controls were a bit sketchy, which made for a slight learning curve. After I actually got somewhere in the game it was ten minutes. Anyways, I could tell this game, by it's lack of special moves and lack of weapons, was just going to be a generic button mashing beat 'em up where you can use one or two attacks to get through the whole game. 5.5/10
Shadow of the Ninja - Whoa, this game blew me away. Great graphics, sound, and story, even in just ten minutes of play. I thoroughly enjoyed playing this action platformer and would've played it for an hour longer, if this weren't a ten minute review. 9/10
Tale Spin - Another one of those Disney television shows turned into a game by Capcom. While this game wasn't too bad, the action is a bit slow and your firepower, while upgradeable, is very limited in the early stages. The challenge is pretty high as well, making some areas frustrating. Not too shabby, but this game is trumped by better shooters like Gradius. Kind of a disappointment since Baloo's plane looks like a piece of shit, and I was expecting some sweet flight action, but no. Still, it wasn't bad enough not to warrant a ten minute play. 6.5/10
Ultimate Air Combat - Whoa, this must be one of the better airplane games for NES. There's two different styles of combat to mix things up: A behind the cockpit style flight sim type thing where you blast bogeys and a 3/4 overhead Jungle Strike style section where you blow up shit. Plus you can pick from 3 different planes. While it was a bit slow paced at times, there was enough action to keep me glued for a while. 7.5/10
Vice: Project Doom - Whoa, another surprising play. At first I thought it was going to be a Spy Hunter style overhead car shooter, but no, there was more. A side scrolling action platformer much like Ninja Gaiden follows the car chase stage you begin at. This game definitely had me hooked. 9/10
Wayne's World - Holy crap this game was terrible, but at least it gave me a chuckle with it's wonderful digitized 8 bit Mike Myers and Dana Carvey. There's some humor from the old SNL sketch turned movie, but this game sucks outright. Graphics are pretty bland, the sounds and voice samples are average, but where this game really stinks it its painful play control. The only redeeming factor is the humor, which wasn't hardly enough to get me to play it any longer than ten minutes. 2.5/10
Xexyz - Wow, I wasn't expecting to play this many good games, and Xexyz is another good one. At first glance it seems to be an average jump and shoot action platformer, but it adds a bit more depth by adding doors you can go into and talk to fairies and shit to gain information about what to do, etc. Ten minutes wasn't enough. 8.5/10
Yoshi's Cookie - Ah, yes a Puzzler to ease the nerves. As the name implies, you match up different cookies on a grid in a Dr. Mario style puzzle type game. Very fun to play to kill off a few minutes or hours. 9/10
Zombie Nation - This game tripped my mind out. You play as a floating head in this weird shooter game. Your head shoots beams out of its eyes and spits out bomb type things. As your head floats across what looks to be a city you cause unimaginable mayhem and destruction as you pass through. Sometimes a poor office worker will fly out of the building and if you eat it, well I don't know what happens, I think your weapons get powered up. Not bad, but the controls are a bit mushy, so I'll have to give it a 7/10
I'll probably throw this on my website in due time. I like the ten minute review idea, so I might do some more.
I can't believe someone would bad mouth 8-eyes. That game is great, but bloody tough.
Blackout
Title: Captain Oblivious
Joined: Sep 01 2007
Location: That Rainy State
Posts: 10376
Posted:
May 06 2009 03:56 pm
Samurai Zombie Nation is great, I'd love to see an updated or new one done by the people who did Metal Slug, that would be a sweet muitplayer game.
Cameron
Title: :O � O:
Joined: Feb 01 2008
Location: St. Louis, MO
Posts: 4637
Posted:
May 06 2009 08:26 pm
Samurai Zombie Nation is frakkin' hard.
Blackout
Title: Captain Oblivious
Joined: Sep 01 2007
Location: That Rainy State
Posts: 10376
Posted:
May 06 2009 09:07 pm
Cameron wrote:
Samurai Zombie Nation is frakkin' hard.
Indeed!
docinsano
Title: Boner King
Joined: Jan 08 2008
Location: Mpls Mini Soda
Posts: 2314
Posted:
May 06 2009 09:30 pm
Was I generous?
Funny thing is, I wasn't expecting many of these games to be any good. I was wrong. There are quite a few games that I would definitely want to play a bit more. And yes Samurai Zombie Nation is pretty sweet for its Massive Multitalented Mayhem and the fact that you play as a floating head. That alone is badass.