So I have determined that I care about people (or more accurately, care what people think about me) too fucking much. Caring like that is usually not a bad thing, but I feel like I take it to an extreme. I present the event that set off this train of thought today as an example:

In my ROTC (i.e. Officer's Training) program, we hold Physical Training four times a week, technically. If you don't have a perfect PT test score, you have to go an additional 5th day (Wednesdays.) Obviously, PT is huge in the Army and missing a session without a seriously good excuse is a big no-no. Which is not usually a problem for me; I almost never miss class/PT/any event, and am never late.

Last night, one of my CO's calls me and says he's got a doctor's appointment to go to, and he needs me to stand in for him at a leadership meeting that conflicts with Wends. PT. Since I'm his second in command of course I say yes. Technically I could have designated someone to go in my place (like he did), but since this was a particularly important meeting, I felt that one of us needed to be there in person. So I send the officer in charge of PT an email letting him know what was up. Never heard back from him.

Fast forward to this morning. About halfway through the meeting the PT Officer comes in (having finished PT with the others) and pulls me out of the meeting and demands to know why I missed PT. In spite of the fact that he obviously knew where I was since he came to get me out of the frigging meeting. So I tell him I was tasked to go to this meeting and had to cover for my CO. He gives me a dirty look and tells me that's not an excuse. He goes off in a huff, and I go back to my meeting. I tried to apologize later, but he wouldn't hear it. I'm waiting to get reamed out and/or punished later this week by him, or when he tells my Sergeant in Charge I wasn't at PT.

Now intellectually, I know that this is not really a fair situation, and wasn't really my fault. I mean, I did the best I could with the circumstances I was given, made a judgment call (important platoon briefing meeting > one day of PT), and he acted like I had fucking caused babies to die. And I'm gonna catch hell for it, because whatever version of events he tells will go. This does not seem fair to me. BUT, and here's the whole reason I started the topic in the first place, I FEEL BAD ABOUT DISAPPOINTING HIM. The guy is an asshole, I SHOULD just take whatever punishment he gives out and move on. But no, I feel genuinely crappy that I didn't psychically read his mind when he didn't tell me to come to PT instead of the meeting, and I also feel bad that some of the people over me are going to hear that I'm a flake (despite the fact that I'm not.) How the hell do I stop giving a shit about this guy, and stop wasting emotional energy on the fact that he's upset with me...??? GAHHHHHHHHHHH!

/whiny rant (although for what its worth, it did make me feel a bit better to write it down.)

GPFontaine wrote:

Hawk... my previous post was designed to anger you a bit. You should be pissed off because you were just treated poorly for no reason. I don't actually wish to throw meanness your way.

Lol its okay GP. I have a sense of humor and love irony, so I laughed even before I saw your second post. No worries.

Rotfl on some of the responses, guys, and thanks for the serious advice, too. I love each and every one of you.

And QFT on the cop thing. Police are, by and large, very good people. Yes there are assholes, but there are assholes everywhere. Rwespect their authori-tay, and respect their service.