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Posted: Feb 22 2009 10:21 pm

Sometimes, whatever muscle that goes across my chest (actual muscle, not the heart, yes i know that the heart is a muscle) gets strained and I move or like stretch and I have chest pains. Normally, not a big deal. However, I have high cholesterol, and my father died of a heart attack last summer. So, I always go "is this it?" like i am going to have a heart attack or something. Nervewrecking.

Once I was held at gunpoint at my dorm's service desk when I used to work the graveyard shifts there on weekends. I wasn't really scared though.

Posted: Feb 23 2009 01:08 am

I don't know if I can include this, but...
In October, I had a (literally) blinding headache where I could hear, see, or feel nothing but the pain. I got rushed into the emergency room (At 12:00 AM) at the local hospital, and had a CT done of my head. At about two.
They found a mass in the right temporal lobe.
Later that day, I got an MRI. 7 AM.
Then, sometime in November, I went to see a neurosurgeon. He said that it was a tumor, probably benign. We would need a biopsy to confirm it. I went to another one who said that it was probably a cyst, but we would need a biopsy to confirm. She then put me on Diamox to reduce the production of Cerebro-spinal fluid.
I have not yet had the biopsy. And now, the neurosurgeon is taking me off of Diamox to SEE IF THE FUCKING MASS WILL GROW!

Let's see how this turns out...
And, by the way, I still want that biopsy.

Posted: Feb 23 2009 01:40 am

Near death experiences are what happen when Death is slacking off. He's had a long week and he doesn't feel like putting in the extra effort to make sure he fills that days quota so he throws shit at you that he think could kill you but they don't always work.

Fuck that lazy prick.

I had my heard rate going far too high when I had surgery, after being unconscious for a few hours it spiked to 170bpm, it should only ever reach that high if you are pushing your body to the absolute limit physically, not when you have been unconscious. After that I felt very happy to just be alive even though I was in pain and what not.

After experiencing something that is closer do death than you have ever been, you feel great having beaten it and feel as if every day is a gift...and then reality sets in and you're just as bitter and cynical as you ever were.

Posted: Feb 23 2009 02:49 am

I only stated that because... Well... Many things have become kind of... Normal for me. Being shot at, being stabbed, landing on my head/neck...
If you want something interesting, Last week, I was stabbed in the chest. It would have been in the heart... If the dumbass knew anything about human anatomy. Honestly, Who does not know that the heart is not quite on the right side of the body?
His exact words were "You disrespect me, you disrespect my crew. And you don't want that to happen." He then thrust the knife. "How does it feel in your heart?"
... I then fell to the ground, hoping that he would think me dead.
He ran away scared.
I went to another hospital.
Where a CT does not take two hours to order at around midnight...

Posted: Feb 23 2009 03:27 am

... Hey Dr. Satan?

Move. You. Dumb. Fuck.

Just a friendly suggestion.

Posted: Feb 23 2009 04:25 am

FUCKING SECONDED.

Posted: Feb 23 2009 10:27 pm

I agree that I am a dumbfuck, but there is just something so... Fun about pissing off the people that "are in gangs."
And can always tell who really is in one... I have a person who calls himself a friend that is in said gang... And there is the whole "Death threats from people who don't know that I recognize their handwriting from fourth grade." thing.
But, hey. I may die, I may not. i am just having too much fun with this to care.

Posted: Feb 23 2009 11:41 pm

I made a deal with the devil.

Also, I nearly drowned when I was a kid, but that's about it.

Posted: Feb 23 2009 11:54 pm

A few months ago I was inside this huge cave I dug in a pile of snow. I had hollowed out most of the inside when the whole things fell on top of me. It fucking sucked. I was completely submerged in snow, unable to move just thinking "I can't breathe I can't move, what am I going to do?" I kind of wiggled around a little bit and then it really hit me, "FUCK, I CAN'T BREATHE!" I just started thrashing around and somehow got my head out of the snow. After a while I got my arms out and then my friend had to dig my legs out.

Posted: Feb 24 2009 12:11 am

SevereFlame wrote:

I made a deal with the devil.

How so?

Posted: Feb 24 2009 01:00 am

Dr. Satan wrote:

I agree that I am a dumbfuck, but there is just something so... Fun about pissing off the people that "are in gangs."
And can always tell who really is in one... I have a person who calls himself a friend that is in said gang... And there is the whole "Death threats from people who don't know that I recognize their handwriting from fourth grade." thing.
But, hey. I may die, I may not. i am just having too much fun with this to care.

You sir, have some stones. You must have had to order special cups for your jockstrap for sports for such large balls.

Posted: Feb 24 2009 01:15 am

anorexorcist wrote:

Dr. Satan wrote:

I agree that I am a dumbfuck, but there is just something so... Fun about pissing off the people that "are in gangs."
And can always tell who really is in one... I have a person who calls himself a friend that is in said gang... And there is the whole "Death threats from people who don't know that I recognize their handwriting from fourth grade." thing.
But, hey. I may die, I may not. i am just having too much fun with this to care.

You sir, have some stones. You must have had to order special cups for your jockstrap for sports for such large balls.

And a helmet for your head. He must have a helmet too.

Posted: Feb 24 2009 02:28 am

Lottel wrote:

anorexorcist wrote:

Dr. Satan wrote:

I agree that I am a dumbfuck, but there is just something so... Fun about pissing off the people that "are in gangs."
And can always tell who really is in one... I have a person who calls himself a friend that is in said gang... And there is the whole "Death threats from people who don't know that I recognize their handwriting from fourth grade." thing.
But, hey. I may die, I may not. i am just having too much fun with this to care.

You sir, have some stones. You must have had to order special cups for your jockstrap for sports for such large balls.

And a helmet for your head. He must have a helmet too.

What is this "cups" of which you speak? And this "helmet?"
And, even more, this "sports???"

2011 SNES Champ Joined: Dec 04 2006 Posts: 1929

The closest I have been to death was when I was 2. I lived in the country and got lost near some woods (apparently) full of coyotes. Had my dog not found me I could have been eaten. I've never ever seen any coyotes though. Of course, I had no reason to ever go there anyway.

Posted: Feb 24 2009 05:02 am

This probably falls under the dumbest things I've ever done list, but a few years ago I was living here in the south and my mother lived up in Kansas. I lived with my father at the time and he'd decided to let me use his car to drive up to Kansas to see her. Problem is, I didn't get to sleep until 5 am, and to make this road trip and spend a good bit of time up there, I had to wake up at 9am to get there at 11 at night to sleep that night and have a good week. So I end up getting to Dallas (5 hours away) and I got really drowsy. I bought a pack of Vivarin and took one and felt awake again but drowsy after 30 minutes. So I took another. And no effect, so another. No effect, so another. Obviously I don't have much experience with drugs and also didn't bother reading the warning label on the packet, so I find out I've ingested more than I should have taken in 3 days. I'm feeling very sick, and riding the cusp between physically jittery and sick and emotionally and mentally sleepy. I knew something was wrong because I started feeling the classic signs of a heart attack (numbness in my jaw and left arm, extreme chest pain) but the idiot gear was still in effect so I didn't think to go to a hospital, just to make myself throw up the caffeine pills in an ice chest I'd brought with me. I managed to vomit enough to stave off the chest pain, but I was really drowsy, and nodded off behind the wheel. I wake up seconds later, roaring away at 90 mph, directly behind an 18 wheeler. I hit my brakes just soon enough to avoid violent death, and got nervous enough to finish the road trip, where I rang my mother's doorbell and told her immediately to take me to a hospital.

I get to the hospital and have to have my stomach pumped and placed on heart monitors, yadda yadda... I was told making myself vomit probably saved my life, and sadly I did irreversible damage to my heart. Now I can only drink noncaffeinated beverages and I can't have any energy boosters or supplements or anything. All because of a series of idiotic mistakes I'd made when I was 16,

This is a pretty intense and heavy story, and it makes me sound like an idiot (which we all were at 16 but give me a break, I wizened up since then) so to end on a positive note: Kittens.

Posted: Feb 24 2009 05:37 am

We WERE all idiots when we were 16 man.

And that's insane. Glad you made it through.

AND YAY KITTENS!

Posted: Feb 25 2009 12:14 am

I was drag racing with this guy, Needles, and I crashed into a Rolls Royce. Boy, if I could go back in time, I think I would do things a little different.

Posted: Feb 25 2009 12:39 am

You never drive when there's a dude named Needles around. Did Tisted Metal teach you nothing???