A little old lady walks into a bar, finds the meanest looking guy in the place and says, "Young man, I would like to ride with your crew." "You can't ride with us, Grandma," the guy snarls. "Where's your bike?" The woman points to a Harley parked outside and says, "That's my chopper." The brute says, "Wow, that's a fine bike. But we're mean bastards. You're not mean enough to ride with us." Suddenly, the lady clocks the guy behind her with her purse, whacks him in the nuts with her cane and kicks him in the head when he goes down. "OK, that's pretty mean," the biker admits. "But, have you ever been picked up by the fuzz?" The little old lady thinks for a minute and says, "No, but I've been swung around by my titties a few times!"
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Late one Saturday night, a drunk checks into a hotel. When he wakes up with the worst hangover of his life, he immediately calls down to the concierge for a bottle of whiskey and the Sunday paper. After six hours, a bellhop arrives with the man's order. "Took you long enough," the lush remarks. "It must be impossible to buy a bottle in this town on Sunday."
"The liquor wasn't a problem, sir," the bellhop replies. "But it's a bitch finding the Sunday paper on Tuesday."
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