Die Harder: Mortal Kombat Fatality Extravaganza, Part II
Welcome to Part II of Fatality Fest. This part centers around Ultimate Mortal Kombat 3. What made Ultimate MK3 different from regular MK3? Mainly, it was the addition of EIGHT more playable characters: Jade, Kitana, Milenna, Scorpion, Reptile, Ermac, Classic Sub-Zero and Human Smoke. Self-proclaimed fans of the MK series often argue that MK2 was the best game in the series; I never really understood why. I can see why people would prefer MK2 to the original MK3: MK3 lacks many fan favorites such as Reptile, Kitana, and Scorpion. Yes, that's fucking right: Scorpion, the franchise's fucking poster boy, wasn't in MK3. Instead, we got Stryker, a dumbass riot cop who wore his hat backwards. Sub-Zero, the only classic MK ninja to reappaer in MK3 shed his trademark mask to reveal that he looked an awful lot like Henry Rollins. Fucking weak. If I had to blame someone for these decisions, I'd pick John Tobias. It's pretty clear that Tobias is not capable of making good decisions since the stupid bastard left Midway to develop a shitty XBox fighting game. Tao Feng sucked pretty bad, but Johnny can always take consolation in the fact that it wasn't anywhere near as terrible or overhyped as Romero's Daikatana. Looking at how the MK series has progressed since Tobias left, I can't help but feel that perhaps he was holding Ed Boon back. MK4, the last one that Tobias worked on, was easily the worst in the series. With Deadly Alliance and Deception, Boon and his team have taken Mortal Kombat to a whole new level. OK, that's enough Tobias-bashing for now. MK3 had some cool new elements, such as Kombat Kodes and Animalities, but it lacked a strong roster. But if MK2 was a good game, then by all reasonable standards Ultimate MK3 should be considered a better game because it offered up more of everything that made MK2 great as well as the cool new MK3 features. In fact, the amount of characters and fatalities are almost overwhelming. In case you didn't read Part I, these moves will all work in the arcade version of UMK3 but I can't promise that the moves or button combinations weren't altered in the home versions. I considered adding a special section about Rain and Noob Saibot since they were added into the SNES and Genesis versions of the game, but it turns out that they don't have fatalities. Enough talk, it's blood time!
NOTE: If a character was in the original version of MK3, these finishing moves will work in that game as well.
KEY
F = Forward
D = Down
B = Back
U = Up
LP, HP = Low Punch, High Punch
LK, HK = Low Kick, High Kick
BLK = Block
RN = Run
FATALITIES.
Kitana
Kitana's kiss fatality is back in UMK3. Well, sort of. This time around instead of making her opponent expand and explode, Kitana's kisses stretch her opponents out until they snap like elastics. Like blood-filled elastics. Somehow this isn't quite as good as her MK2 kiss.
Execution: RN, RN, BLK, BLK, LK (close range)
Arbitrary Coolness Rating: 3.1
Kitana's fan decapitation from MK2 is back and it isn't any better or worse than it was in that game. It always kind of bugged me that Kitana's weapon of choice were steel fans and not katana blades. If they were good enough for the blue Ninja Turtle, they should be good enough for the blue ninja chick. Besides, decapitation is like 1,000 times cooler when it's with Japanese swords.
Execution: B, D, F, F, HK (close range)
Arbitrary Coolness Rating: 3
Reptile
Reptile returns in UMK3 and he's hungrier than ever. In Mortal Kombat II, he was content to just eat your head. This time around, he eats everything except the feet. That's good news for Reptile's opponents; it means he doesn't consume their soles.
Execution: B, F, D, BLK (jumping distance)
Arbitrary Coolness Rating: 3.9
In his other fatality, Reptile spits Hi-C Ecto Cooler at his opponent. Ecto Cooler has been discontinued for several years, which gave it plenty of time to ferment into an incredibly deadly acid. If you want a fatality that combines all the fun of Reptile, Hi-C, and the MK2 Dead Pool fatality, look no further.
Execution: Hold BLK, press F, F, U, U, release block, HK (from a few steps back)
Arbitrary Coolness Rating: 4
Sonya
After being held captive by Shao Kahn in MK2, Sonya returned as a fully playable character in MK3. Her kiss of death fatality from MK1 returned as well. In the original game, the kiss of death was a subpar fatality. Since the MK3 version is animated a whole lot better than the original, the kiss of death gets upgraded from below average to just plain average. The fatality is still boring, but at least the opponent burns better.
Execution: B, F, D, D, RN (anywhere)
Arbitrary Coolness Rating: 3
Sonya sends a magic purple energy ball at her opponent. It encases and crushes the opponent. Not bad.
Execution: Hold RN and BLK, press U, U, B, D (far)
Arbitrary Coolness Rating: 3.2
Jax
There's not much to say here... Jax grows to mythic proportions and crushes his opponent. Simple, effective, and Pythonesque.
Execution: RN, BLK, RN, RN, LK (far)
Arbitrary Coolness Rating: 4.5
In his second fatality, Jax turns his arms into blades and dices up his opponent. This is a damn good fatality... for Baraka. There was absolutely no reason for Jax to have this. Jax's own MK2 fatalities were more than worthy of returning in MK3, the sneaky bastard didn't need to steal Baraka's gimmick. If Tobias and Boon felt so fucking strongly about using the arm blades, then everybody's favorite Tarkatan warrior should have been inserted into this game.
Execution: Hold BLK, U, D, F, U, release BLK (close range)
Arbitrary Coolness Rating: 1
Nightwolf
Nightwolf summons the blinding light of God and his opponent is eviscerated by its absolute purity. Or something like that. Nightwolf is an Injun* so it's probably The Great Spirits of the Sky who do the smiting, not a singular and Christian God. Either way, it's like your own personal Ark of the Covenant.
Execution: U, U, B, F, BLK (one step back)
Arbitrary Coolness Rating: 4
*Obviously I'm being facetious. Everyone knows that the politically correct term is Indian, not Injun. Duh.
In this fatality, Nightwolf fries his opponent by channeling Raiden's lightning through the tomahawk of his tribal ancestors. Well, I ASSUME it's a tomahawk, since tomahawks and Indians go together like European settlers and the senseless slaughter of the aforementioned Indians. Truth be told, the weapon that Nightwolf brandishes looks more like a $46.99 hatchet from Ace Hardware than a priceless ancestral tomahawk. But hey, whatever.
Execution: B, B, D, HP (jumping distance)
Arbitrary Coolness Rating: 3.2
Jade
After being a secret opponent in Mortal Kombat II, Jade debuted in Ultimate MK3 as a playable character. In MK2, she was just a green Kitana clone who was immune to projectiles. In UMK3, she has her own unique moveset. Also, she's no longer immune to projectile moves because that would be a ridiculous ability for a playable character to have. In her first fatality, Jade launches her opponent into the air with an uppercut and then catches him on her staff. I did that once with an apple but it wasn't quite the same.
Execution: RN, RN, RN, BLK, RN (close range)
Arbitrary Coolness Rating: 3.5
Jade stabs her opponent with her staff and shakes him until he explodes. Fuck, now I want a martini. And a handjob.
Execution: Hold BLK, press U, U, D, F, release BLK, HP (close range)
Arbitrary Coolness Rating: 3.2
Scorpion
After seeing it in two other MK games, I'm kinda sick of Scorpion's "Toasty!" fatality. Even using it on Stryker, the absolute worst Mortal Kombat character ever, can't make it seem fun anymore. Yawn.
Execution: Hold BLK, press D, D, U, release BLK, HK (jumping distance)
Arbitrary Coolness Rating: 2
Fuck yeah bitches, now here's some good shit. Scorpion drags his opponent down into Hell, I mean Scorpion's Lair, where he makes copies of himself for no discernable reason and then annihilates his opponent's body and soul. It's kind of like marriage, only faster.
Execution: Hold BLK, press F, F, D, U, release BLK, RN (close range)
Arbitrary Coolness Rating: 5
Kano
In MK1, Kano responded to the words "FINISH HIM!" by ripping out his opponent's heart. It was rather cruel, but so was that cute girl who told Kano to fuck off when he asked her to prom all those years ago. She ripped out his heart, metaphorically. Kano responded in kind, but unfortunately for her, he was a literalist. Out of that moment of anger and rejection, a classic fatality was born. This time around, Kano rips out his opponent's entire skeleton. It's just as violent as his old fatality but not quite as bloody.
Execution: Hold LP, F, D, D, F, release LP (close range)
Arbitrary Coolness Rating: 3.9
Kano has had that fucking glowing red eye since MK1... it's about goddam time that it did something. Players would have to wait until Mortal Kombat: Deadly Alliance for Kano to get a basic move that used his laser eye. Maybe the MK team were afraid that Marvel Comics would have claimed that he was a Cyclops rip-off and sue. Last November, Marvel did sue the makers on an online superhero RPG called City of Heroes because the game allowed players to customize their characters to such a detailed extent that the players could replicate their favorite trademarked superheroes. (Fun Fact: The people who currently run Marvel Comics are assholes.) It seems rather unlikely that Marvel would have ever sued Midway over a more abundant usage of laser beam eyes in MK3 though, because Marvel was on the verge of bankruptcy in 1995. Perhaps Kano's reluctance to use his laser eye was just a twisted joke at our expense. The MK franchise has always thrived on baseless rumors, so perhaps by running contrary to common expectations the programmers hoped players would spend extra time and money trying to find a secret laser move that didn't exist. My final verdict is this: a laser eye fatality is OK, but it's nowhere near as fun as a basic optic blast that you can use over and over again.
Execution: LP, BLK, BLK, HK (from a few steps back)
Arbitrary Coolness Rating: 3.1
Mileena
Mileena swallows a can of comically oversized nails and then spits them at her opponent. Lame. It would be cooler if she ate a can of spinach and went Popeye all over her opponent's ass.
Execution: B, B, B, F, LK (far)
Arbitrary Coolness Rating: 2
Mileena's fatality from MK2 where she sucks up her opponent Kirby style and then spits out the bones and an impossible number of extremities. This was one of the best fatalities in MK2 and bringing it back in UMK3 was a great decision.
Execution: D, F, D, F, LP (close range)
Arbitrary Coolness Rating: 4.1
Ermac
Johnny Cage was killed off in the MK3 storyline but his classic uppercut fatality lived on through Ermac. It was a solid fatality when Johnny did it and it's not any worse when Ermac does it. Johnny Cage fans need not worry: Raiden resurrected Johnny in MK4. Is that a spoiler? If it is, do I really care?
Execution: RN, BLK, RN, RN, HK (close range)
Arbitrary Coolness Rating: 3
Ermac uses his telekinetic powers to dribble his opponents like a basketball until they explode like that watermelon I dropped off that overpass and accidentally killed that family. OK, I lied; it was a canteloupe, an evil trucker, and not an accident.
Execution: Hold BLK, D, D, F, U, release BLK, D, D, D, BLK (from a few steps back)
Arbitrary Coolness Rating: 3.3
Sub-Zero
Sub-Zero lifts his opponent over his head, freezes him, and snaps him in two. Ice and limbs go everywhere. If I recall, Hulk Hogan did a somewhat similiar thing to Andre The Giant at Wrestlemania 3. That kicked ass.
Execution: BLK, BLK, RN, BLK, RN (close range)
Arbitrary Coolness Rating: 3.5
Sub-Zero uses his ice breath, a bullshit ability that he has never had before or since, to (surprise!) freeze his opponent solid. The opponent then falls over and shatters. I feel like Sub-Zero wasn't even really trying this time. He could have at least pushed his opponent over after freezing him. MK3 was a dark time for Sub-Zero. Sub-Zero was a huge fan of the alternative scene of the early 90s, but by the time MK3 came out, grunge had all but died off. Sub-Zero frantically grabbed at the falling pieces of his quickly collasping world. He tried in vain to carry on the movement by wearing ugly clothes and not caring about stuff, but it was too little too late. By the time MK4 came out, Sub-Zero had finally found the strength to move on. He put on his traditional Lin Kuei attire and started fighting like a man again. The moral is that happy endings can happen anywhere, even in the MK universe.
Execution: B, B, D, B, RN (close range)
Arbitrary Coolness Rating: 3.2
Classic Sub-Zero
As if to apologize for Sub-Zero's shitty new look, Boon and Tobias added Classic Sub-Zero into the ultimate edition of Mortal Kombat 3 as an unlockable character. This was mostly good news, but not entirely. Unfortunately, Classic Sub-Zero has but one fatality and it's censored. Apparently he does something so unspeakably horrible that the MK design team couldn't show it to us in good conscience. Actually, Classic Sub does his spine-rip fatality from MK1. I have no idea why the hell they fade to black during it. After all, everyone knows what he fucking does and it's no more violent than some of the other UMK3 fatalities. Fuck CS-Z's lameass fatality.
Execution: D, D, D, F, HP (close range)
Arbitrary Coolness Rating: 1
Sektor
MK3 was the last 2D Mortal Kombat game. As such, it was also the last Mortal Kombat to introduce a new set of palette swaps. MK1 gave us the ninja palette swaps, MK2 brought us the female ninja palette swaps, and MK3 introduced the robot palette swaps: Sektor, Cyrax, and Smoke. Instead of blood, these guys spew black oil when they're hit. Well, usually. They still bleed red in some fatalities. These cybernetic ninjas were supposedly created by the Lin Kuei clan that Sub-Zero belongs to, but not even one of these fuckers was painted the trademark Lin Kuei light blue. I never really liked the robots, but they at least have some decent fatalities. In Sektor's first fatality, a giant vice emerges from his chest and crushes his opponent. It's a logistical nightmare, but it's still damn cool.
Execution: LP, RN, RN, BLK (from a few steps back)
Arbitrary Coolness Rating: 4.2
There's already plenty of immolation fatalities within the MK franchise. If you're gonna burn someone to death in a Mortal Kombat game, you should have better sense than to do it with something as pedestrian as a flamethrower. Fuck you, Sektor.
Execution: F, F, F, B, BLK (jumping distance)
Arbitrary Coolness Rating: 2.8
Sindel
Big hair rules. In the 80s, big hair was deadly because it took an ozone-depleting amount of hairspray to hold in it in place. In MK3, Sindel's big hair kills for an entirely different reason. She wraps her opponent in it and then pulls it back, causing her opponent to twirl at a phenomenal speed and then explode in an orgy of bones and blood. Good times.
Execution: RN, RN, BLK, RN, BLK (from a few steps back)
Arbitrary Coolness Rating: 4.5
I swear to God that Sindel is intentional tribute to 80s rock. If the big hair wasn't enough, Sindel's second fatality is also very metal. In this finishing move, the resurrected queen screams like Rob Halford, thus melting her opponent's skin and ensuring that at least one unlucky soul won't be living after midnight.
Execution: RN, BLK, BLK, RN + BLK (close range)
Arbitrary Coolness Rating: 3.2
Stryker
Another character who made their debut in MK3 was the lameass riot cop Stryker. Stryker is one of the most hated characters in the MK universe because well, he blows. Despite his overall suckitude, Stryker does have a cool fatality. In it, he straps a conservative amount of dynamite and grenades to his opponent and then runs away and covers his ears in classic Yosemite Sam fashion while he waits for his nemesis to go boom. Unlike Yosemite Sam, Stryker doesn't end up getting fucked over by his own dynamite.
Execution: D, F, D, F, BLK (close range)
Arbitrary Coolness Rating: 3.8
Tasers suck, just like Stryker. If you want some sort of proof that Stryker sucks, I've mirrored his homepage.
Execution: F. F. F, LK (far)
Arbitrary Coolness Rating: 2.5
Cyrax
In Cyrax's first fatality, the top of his head starts spinning and the yellow robot flies off screen. The opponent then breathes a sign of relief, believing that perhaps his life has been spared. It hasn't. Cyrax comes down blade first on his opponent and dices him up like a carrot caught in Ron Popeil's Veg-O-Matic.
Execution: Hold BLK, press D, D, U, D, release BLK, HP (anywhere)
Arbitrary Coolness Rating: 4
Cyrax's self-destruct move combines all the fun of a fatality with all of the spite that goes into ritualistic suicide. I love it. I don't love it quite as much as big money and big prizes, but I love it nonetheless.
Execution: Hold BLK, press D, D, F, U, release BLK, RN (close range)
Arbitrary Coolness Rating: 3.7
Kung Lao
Kung Lao spins himself into a whirlwind of death and rips his opponent apart. Attempts to recreate this move yourself may leave you dizzy and sad.
Execution: RN, BLK, RN, BLK, D (anywhere)
Arbitrary Coolness Rating: 3.6
And now, a poem:
Hats are fun
Hats are good
Kill people with Kung Lao's hat?
Yeah, you should.
Execution: F, F, B, D, HP (from a few steps back)
Arbitrary Coolness Rating: 4.2
Kabal
Yet another new character introduced in MK3 was Kabal. Kabal was a member of Kano's Black Dragon who had been reconstituted with a gas mask and respirator after surviving a brutal attack. In this move, Kabal attaches his respirator to his opponent and pumps the opponent's head full of air. The opponent then floats offscreen and explodes. You can tell that he explodes because bones rain down from the sky. This is a pretty gay fatality and it doesn't even really make sense. Kabal's respirator would presumably have oxygen, not helium, so there's no fucking reason that the opponent would float away. The opponent should have exploded onscreen and there should have been a lot more blood.
Execution: D, D, B, F, BLK (from a few steps back)
Arbitrary Coolness Rating: 2.6
Kabal removes his gas mask and shows his opponent his hideously deformed face. The opponent is so terrified that his soul leaves his body and runs away. I think we've all been there before. That is exactly how I felt one time in third grade when my teacher bitched me out in front of the entire class because I forgot to do my homework.
Execution: RN, BLK, BLK, BLK, HK (close range)
Arbitrary Coolness Rating: 3.1
Sheeva
Sheeva pounds her opponent into the ground like a nail. While it looks rather painful, we're not given any definite indication that this move actually kills her opponent. Call me old-fashioned, but I think that a fatality should provide irrefutable proof of death, even if that proof is a thought bubble over the opponent's head that simply reads I'M DEAD.
Execution: F, D, D, F, LP (close range)
Arbitrary Coolness Rating: 2
This is the reverse of Kano's skeleton pull fatality. Instead of pulling the skeleton out of the skin, Sheeva pulls the skin off of the skeleton. It's kinda like peeling a human banana. Speaking of which, I would really like to see someone murder those goddam Bananas In Pajamas.
Execution: Hold HK, press B, F, F, release HK (close range)
Arbitrary Coolness Rating: 3
Shang Tsung
Shang Tsung makes a bed of nails appear out of nowhere and then slams his opponent down onto it. That's pretty fucking vicious, even for an evil wizard.
Execution: Hold LP, press D, F, F, D, release LP (close range)
Arbitrary Coolness Rating: 3.7
This is a variation of Shang Tsung's soul stealing fatality from MK2. The levitation is a nice touch, but the overall animation of the rapid decay effect isn't quite as good. Even so, this is a top-tier fatality.
Execution: Hold LP, press RN, BLK, RN, BLK, release LP (close range)
Arbitrary Coolness Rating: 4.3
Liu Kang
I'm not even entirely sure what happens in this fatality. Liu Kang disappears, reappears on his opponent as fire, and then teleports back to his original position to watch the opponent burn. It's really weird but not particularly bad, so I'll give it a 3.2.
Execution: F, F, D, D, LK (anywhere)
Arbitrary Coolness Rating: 3.2
Does this one even need an explanation? Liu Kang DROPS A MORTAL KOMBAT ARCADE CABINET ON HIS OPPONENT. If that doesn't entertain you, nothing will. This fatality is so good that I will use CAPSLOCK and EXCLAMATION POINTS to EXTOLL ITS VIRTUES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Execution: Hold BLK, U, D, U, U, release BLK, BLK + RN (anywhere)
Arbitrary Coolness Rating: 5
Human Smoke
Human Smoke was one of the secret opponents in MK2. He plays exactly like Scorpion except that he is faster. In the MK3 storyline, Smoke was turned into a cybernetic assassin by the Lin Kuei clan and programmed to hunt down a former clan member: Sub-Zero. Unlike fellow assassins Sektor and Cyrax, Smoke retains his soul during his conversion. Instead of completing his mission, Smoke turns against the Lin Kuei and helps his old friend defeat the two robots and elude capture. Although Smoke is now a robot, his human version appears in UMK3 as a super secret character. Human Smoke plays like MK2 Smoke which means he plays as a slightly faster version of Scorpion. Unfortunately, Human Smoke didn't bother to borrow Scorpion's fatalities, animality, or friendship. Human Smoke has only one fatality and it is the old Johnny Cage uppercut fatality that Ermac also has. Three words: what the fuck? If Smoke had two copycat fatalities, I wouldn't mind. The programmers put absolutely no effort in Human Smoke's fatality and they only would have had to put forth one extra shred to give Human Smoke another fatality that one of the other ninja palette swaps already had, even if it was Classic Sub-Zero's shitty fatality.
Play as Human Smoke: As Smoke, hold down B + HP + BLK + HK + RN until a match starts. Doing this while you are already Human Smoke will change you back.
Execution: RN, BLK, RN, RN, HK (close range)
Arbitrary Coolness Rating: 1
Smoke
The UMK3 fatality section wraps up with the third and final robot ninja, Smoke. In a cartoonish Itchy & Scratchy fashion, Smoke drops a bomb down his opponents throat. Unsuprisingly, his opponent doesn't like that too much and subsequently explodes. That's probably what I'd do if I swallowed a bomb too.
Execution: Hold RN + BLK, press D, D, F, U (from a few steps back)
Arbitrary Coolness Rating: 3.9
Smoke's second fatality is even better than his first. In this one, the smoggy cyborg releases an obscene amount bombs from deep within his chest cavity. The game then cuts to an external shot of Earth just in time to show the entire planet exploding. There's no blood in this fatality, but the fact remains: SMOKE KILLS EVERYONE IN THE ENTIRE WORLD IN A MATTER OF SECONDS. According to complete hearsay, Smoke's original plan was to murder everyone with his carcinogenic vapors. Unfortunately, that was taking too long.
Execution: Hold BLK, press U, U, release BLK, F, D
Arbitrary Coolness Rating: 5
FRIENDSHIP
Guess what's back in MK3? (Hint: it appears in big multicolored letters above this paragraph.) That's right, friendships are back and they're 4% friendlier than they were in MK2. This time around, the only prerequisite for doing one is that you must win the second round or third round without blocking. Piece of cake, right? Let's get amiable!
Kitana
When Kitana blows bubbles, it's kind of cute. When Michael Jackson does it, it's illegal in at least 30 countries. Honestly, I prefer Kitana's MK2 friendship, the one where she bakes a cake. Kitana set a great example by doing that. If a deadly ninja chick was able to find the time to learn to bake, then there's absolutely no reason that all the young professional women out there in post-college jobs shouldn't be able to create delicious confectionary delights as well. That is, unless they're worthless lazy whores. After all, Hillary Clinton found time to make chocolate chip cookies during the 1992 presidential campaign, so there's really no excuse.
Execution: D, B, F, F, LP (anywhere)
Arbitrary Coolness Rating: 3.5
Reptile
Reptile pulls a jack-in-the-box out of his pocket and turns the crank. After a few seconds, a snake head pops out and scares the fuck out of his opponent. The opponent in question then runs off screaming. I'm sorry, but I thought this was supposed to be a FRIENDSHIP move. It's kinda funny, but it's not particularly friendly. This move also isn't nearly as good as his MK2 friendship. I can't rate this well on principal alone.
Execution: D, F, F, B, HK (close range)
Arbitrary Coolness Rating: 2
Sonya
Sonya is the only character to have one of her finishing moves change between in MK3 and UMK3. In the original MK3, Sonya's friendship move was strikingly similar to but legally distinct from the hand motions that went with the song "Skinnamarink" by Sharon, Lois, & Bram. Because it was absolutely retarded, Sonya's friendship was totally revamped for UMK3. In her redone friendship, Sonya makes a couple dozen flowers pop out of the ground, which makes it about 24 times better than Mileena's MK2 friendship. Since 96 isn't a valid rating, Sonya's flower power gets a 4.2.
Execution: B, F, B, D + RN
Arbitrary Coolness Rating for Sonya's MK3 Friendship: 2
Arbitrary Coolness Rating for Sonya's UMK3 Friendship: 4.2
Jax
Again, this is more of a taunt than a friendship move. It does make good use of Jax's strong metal arms though. I bet he could jump rope 182 times without messing up. That's a schoolyard record.
Execution: LK, RN, RN, LK (anywhere)
Arbitrary Coolness Rating: 3
Nightwolf
In his friendship, Nightwolf turns into Raiden AND an MK2 cabinet. Most people I know can only turn into one or the other. At the bottom of the screen it will say either "I'VE NEVER SEEN A KANO TRANSFORMATION" or "NO, BUT I KNOW HOW TO DO A RAIDEN TRANSFORMATION". This is a reference to an old MK2 myth that Shang Tsung could morph into Kano. This is actually a pretty cool move, what could be more fun than playing MK2 against Raiden? The only downside is that people became convinced that Raiden was a hidden character in MK3. He wasn't.
Execution: RN, RN, RN, D (jumping distance to far)
Arbitrary Coolness Rating: 4
Jade
For her friendship, Jade turns her staff into a pogo stick and bounces up and down on it. If she really wanted to be friendly, she'd bounce up and down on her opponent's staff. Before anyone tries to point out the obvious flaw in my crude innuendo, let me just say that it was my assumption that the female MK characters all own strap-ons.
Execution: B, D, B, B, HK (anywhere)
Arbitrary Coolness Rating: 3
Scorpion
Scorpion's friendship is a slight variant on Reptile's. It's still not very conciliatory or even entertaining, but I'll rank it slightly higher than Reptile's version since skulls are cooler than snakes. Since we're back on the subject of palette swaps with similar moves, I'll ask the question that I can't help but ask: would it have been particularly difficult to give Ermac, Classic Sub-Zero, and Human Smoke slight variants of this friendship? Apparently the answer to that question is yes.
Execution: D, F, F, B, LK (close range)
Arbitrary Coolness Rating: 2.1
Kano
I fucking hate bubble gum. Bazooka Joe, if you are reading this, you are an unfunny talentless hack and everyone knows you lost your eye in a tragic cocksucking accident. Also, you never sent me my fucking camera, you goddam son of a bitch. I want my free real camera and I want my 325 comics back too. They were all boring and stupid, but I want them back on principle. Fuck you too, Kano, for causing a major childhood disappointment that I had managed to suppress to resurface.
Execution: LK, RN, RN, HK (anywhere)
Arbitrary Coolness Rating: 1
Mileena
Nothing about this move makes sense. Mileena pulls out a mirror and stares at herself in it. The trouble is, she's so fucking ugly that she shatters the mirror. She also totally ignores her opponent the whole time. What the fuck? Isn't self-absorption the antithesis of friendship? Thinking about this hurts my head, so let's move on.
Execution: D, D, B, F, HP (anywhere)
Arbitrary Coolness Rating: 2
Sub-Zero
In an apparent hara kiri move, Sub-Zero buries himself alive within a giant snowman. Suicide is painless, but it won't win you any friends. Sorry Sub-Zero.
Execution: LK, LK, LK, RN, RN, U
Arbitrary Coolness Rating: 3
Sektor
For his friendship, Sektor rings the bell on one of those old-tymey "Test Your Strength" carnival games. One wonders why he doesn't attempt to break ruby like in the old MK1 test of strength instead. The design team clearly wasn't above goofy inside jokes, so I'm kind of surprised they didn't go with that.
Execution: RN, RN, RN, RN, D (jumping distance to far)
Arbitrary Coolness Rating: 3
Sindel
Sindel attempts a field goal. Meh. I started playing video games to avoid sports, not embrace them. Screw this.
Execution: RN, RN, RN, RN, RN, U (anywhere)
Arbitrary Coolness Rating: 2
Stryker
For his friendship, Stryker plays crossing guard. He holds up a stop sign and then the entire roster from the original release of MK3 including another Stryker (and potentially his opponent too) run past. It's silly, entertaining, and somewhat paradoxical, so I like it. But Stryker still sucks.
Execution: LP, RN, RN, LP (anywhere)
Arbitrary Coolness Rating: 3.9
Cyrax
Cyrax does a stupid dance. Whatever. Disco Liu Kang was infinitely better.
Execution: RN, RN, RN, U (anywhere)
Arbitrary Coolness Rating: 1.8
Kung Lao
Now here's a novel idea: a friendship that's actually relevant to the kombatant's person. For his friendship, Kung Lao throws his hat. But he does not throw it as weapon, nay, he throws it as a frisbee so that a dog may chase it. Unfortunately, things don't go so well. Once the dog gets offscreen, he suddenly whimpers and never returns. As it turns out, a deadly weapon can still kill stuff even when you're just messing around with it, like the Jon-Erik Hexum tragedy. Afterwards, Kung Lao just stands there shaking his head in a Steven Urkel "Did I Do That?" sort of way. The evil bastard doesn't even bother to retrieve the remains of his fallen canine comrade. Like a lot of the other UMK3 friendships, this isn't very pleasant at all. Your opponent's life is spared, but it came an awful price. Your opponent will spend more than a few sleepless nights wishing that a terrier hadn't died in his place. In many cases, guilt can be worse than death itself. Fuck this.
Execution: RN, LP, RN, LK (far)
Arbitrary Coolness Rating: 2.9
Kabal
Marshmallows kick ass. Instead of a treatise on how much marshmallows rule, here's a scene from Ghostbusters:
Ray Stantz: I couldn't help it. It just popped in there.
Peter Venkman: What? What just popped in there?
Ray Stantz: I, I, I tried to think...
Egon Spengler: LOOK!
Ray Stantz: No, it can't be!
Peter Venkman: What is it?
Ray Stantz: It can't be...
Egon Spengler: What did you do, Ray?
Winston Zeddemore: Oh shit...
Ray Stantz: It's the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man.
Peter Venkman: Well there's something you don't see everyday.
Ray Stantz: I tried to think of the most harmless thing, something I loved from my childhood, something that could never ever possibly destroy us: Mr. Stay Puft...
Peter Venkman: Nice thinking, Ray.
Ray Stantz: We used to roast Stay Puft marshmallows, by the fire, at Camp Waconda.
Peter Venkman: Ray has gone bye-bye, Egon. What have you got left?
Egon: Sorry, Venkman. I'm terrified beyond the capacity for rational thought.
Execution: RN, LK, RN, RN, U (from a few steps back)
Arbitrary Coolness Rating: 4
Sheeva
Sheeva looks like a goddam circus freak, so I can't really bash her for acting like one. Due to a programming oversight, the movements for Sheeva's friendship conflict with her basic fireball. Consequently, her friendship takes more skill than it should to pull off. However, the added difficulty of Sheeva's plate spin makes its successful execution all the more satisfying.
Execution: F, F, D, F, slight pause, HP (anywhere)
Arbitrary Coolness Rating: 3.7
NOTE: This move can be a bitch to get off if you don't understand the timing. You need to leave a slight pause or else Sheeva will do her fireball instead of the friendship. Conversely, Sheeva will end up doing her high punch if the pause is too long. My advice is this: Don't play Sheeva, she's not that good.
Shang Tsung
Joust was one of my favorite games on the Atari 2600 and even though Shang Tsung turns into a character model from the 1982 arcade game and not the 1983 Atari remake, I'm still going to give his friendship mad props. There are funnier fully licensed Midway characters that Shang Tsung could have turned into, such as Trog, but old school fucking rules.
Execution: LK, RN, RN, D (anywhere outside of kicking distance)
Arbitrary Coolness Rating: 5
Liu Kang
Shadow puppetry is one of the purest forms of art but it is dying out at a fantastic rate. And so we give our praise to you, Liu Kang, for the long years and lonely nights that you spent mastering the craft. All hail Liu Kang and his magic hands.
Execution: RN, RN, RN, D+RN (anywhere)
Arbitrary Coolness Rating: 4.8
Smoke
A giant horn pops out of Smoke's chest and blasts a single note. Hey asshole, nice friendship but you just shattered my fucking eardrums. This could have been a fatality where the giant horn's effect on the opponent was comparable to Sindel's banshee scream. If Smoke really wanted to be a pal, he'd take out a regular size trumpet and play some smooth jazz. That, or he'd take out a guitar and play a wailing solo because rock guitar is much cooler than jazz trumpet. If you disagree, you're unequivocally wrong.
Execution: RN, RN, RN, HK
Arbitrary Coolness Rating: 1.5
ANIMALITIES.
In order to perform an animality, you must first show mercy to your opponent and then win. In order to show mercy, the match must go a full three rounds. When the words FINISH HIM (or HER) appear, you can then display mercy to your battered enemy:
Execution: Hold RN, wait a few seconds, press D, D, release RN (jumping distance or further)
NOTE: If you need to move back, do so before you start holding the run button. If you don't, the move will not work.
Once mercy has been given, the match will restart with your opponent in danger. If you manage to beat your opponent again, the FINISH HIM screen will appear once again and you can then execute an animality. You can also perform any other non-mercy finishing move that you have met the requirements for. So if you decide you want to execute a friendship after mercy, you will need to finish the ENTIRE third round without blocking. Ermac, Classic Sub-Zero, and Human Smoke do not have animalities.
Kitana
For her animality, Kitana turns into a rabbit and rips her opponent to shreds. The killer rabbit premise is an obvious tribute to Monty Python and the Holy Grail, so I feel morally obligated to give this animality a five. If you don't like this animality, then you'd better prepare for a whole lot of disappointment. They only get worse. Like, for instance, the next one...
Execution: D, D, D, D, RN (one step back)
Arbitrary Coolness Rating: 5
Reptile
For no apparent reason, Reptile turns into a chimpanzee. To make matters worse, he doesn't even bother to maul his opponents. Instead, he just sort of chases them off of the screen. Seeing as his name is Reptile, he should probably turn into a crocodile or something. At the very least, he should turn into a bigger, badder primate. What was stopping them from turning him into a gorilla? Hell, Midway made fucking Rampage so they could have had him turn into George instead. Or maybe Lizzy, since that would be the more appropriate choice.
Execution: Hold BLK, press D, D, D, U, release BLK, HK (close range)
Arbitrary Coolness Rating: 1
Sonya
Due to disk space constraints in the original MK3, all of the animalities in that game were monochrome. As a result, they're kinda ugly looking. The MK team apparently didn't feel like doing any more work that they had to when they made Ultimate Mortal Kombat 3, so the old animalities weren't fixed in the upgrade. For no particular reason, Sonya's animality turns her into a giant green hawk. Maybe it's just me, but hawks kinda suck. Since she's American, maybe Sonya should have turned into an eagle. Or how about a crow, since The Crow is one of the best movies ever made? Way to drop the ball, Mr. Boon.
Execution: Hold LP, press B, F, D, F, release LP (close range)
Arbitrary Coolness Rating: 2.8
Jax
Jax turns into a lion because if you're gonna turn into an animal, you might as well morph into something that's big, majestic, and vicious. At least, I hope that's why he turns into a lion. The other option is that the MK team is blatantly racist. Think about it, what comes from Africa? Lions. So do black people. It could be more than just mere coincidence that the game's token black guy turns into the king of The Dark Continent. I'm probably just reading too much into this thing. Besides, if the MK team were really racist then they would have made Jax turn into a raccoon. No matter what the rationale was, lions rock.
Execution: Hold LP, press F, F, D, F, release LP (close range)
Arbitrary Coolness Rating: 4
Nightwolf
Unlike some other characters with animalistic names, Nightwolf actually does turn into a wolf. It's kinda like the plot of Wolfen, except that Nightwolf fights on the side of good.
Execution: F, F, D, D (close range)
Arbitrary Coolness Rating: 4
Jade
Jade turns into a cat and then circles around her opponent really fast causing them to spin and explode. I'm Cat People so I highly approve of this animality. Jade's cat morph could, I suppose, feasibly be construed as a rip-off of Felicia from Darkstalkers. That accusation will probably never be formally made though, since only about fifty people* ever played Darkstalkers.
Execution: F, D, F, F, LK (close range)
Arbitrary Coolness Rating: 3.4
*US statistics only. It is a well-documented fact that every Japanese gamer of legal age played Darkstalkers and read unlicensed hentai based on it.
Scorpion
When you've got a character named Scorpion, obviously his animality should involve him turning into a penguin that lays explosive eggs, right? The design team was kind of in a bind here. They had already given one of the original MK3 characters a scorpion animality, so they couldn't give it to Scorpion. Actually, they very easily could have; it just would have taken a little more work. It doesn't bother me that Scorpion doesn't turn into his namesake, but it does bother me that he turns into a gay little arctic bird. That's the best they could come up with? Scorpion's outfit is black and orange, why not morph him into a fucking tiger? Or how about this: since his soul is trapped in Hell, why not turn him into Cerberus? Look at that, I came up with two better ideas in under a minute. Scorpion aside, the penguin animality actually is kind of funny. Well, Classic Sub-Zero could have used it. That poor bastard didn't even get an animality and penguins work well with his ice theme. I win again. Ed Boon should hire me.
Execution: Hold BLK, press F, U, U, release BLK, HK (close range)
Arbitrary Coolness Rating: 1
Kano
Kano is supposed to be a member of a mysterious crime syndicate known as The Black Dragon. So maybe it would have been a good idea to have him change into a black dragon, huh? I guess Orange Tarantula isn't a bad substitute. Besides, The Orange Tarantulas were my favorite team on Nickelodeon's Legends of the Hidden Temple.
Execution: Hold HP, BLK, BLK, BLK, release HP (close range)
Arbitrary Coolness Rating: 3
Mileena
Mileena turns into a skunk and accosts her opponent with deadly skunk fumes. I don't really know what to say about this move. Since I don't have any sort of emotional investment in the character of Mileena, I guess it's funny. Yeah, it is.
Execution: F, D, D, F, HK (close range)
Arbitrary Coolness Rating: 3.2
Sub-Zero
In the heyday of MK2, there were many rumors that never panned out. People claimed that Sonya and Kano were unlockable. They weren't. People claimed Shang Tsung could morph into fully playable versions of Kintaro and Shao Kahn. Not true. There was also a rumor that Sub-Zero morphed into a polar bear for one of his fatalities. The design team apparently liked this rumor, because it became a reality in MK3. For his animality, Sub-Zero changes into a blue polar bear and mauls his opponent. This animality gets a 4.9 for two main reasons: 1) it falls within Sub-Zero's idiom and 2) it color coordinates with his costume. I would have given it a perfect five, but Classic Sub-Zero doesn't have it as well. I mean, come on. Classic Sub-Zero doesn't have an animality at all and it would have taken minimal effort to give him the animality as well. A duplicate animality is better than no animality at all.
Execution: Hold BLK, F, U, U, release BLK (close range)
Arbitrary Coolness Rating: 4.9
Sektor
Sektor is a red robot.... is it too much to ask that he turn into something RED? Is that too much to fucking ask? Monochromatic animalities that don't color coordinate with the character model piss me off. Sure, there's no such thing as a red bat; there's no such thing as a purple bat either.
Execution: F, F, D, U (close range)
Arbitrary Coolness Rating: 2.5
Sindel
As you can see, a lot of the animalities don't really make any sense. There's no real reason for Mileena to turn into a skunk or Sektor to turn into a bat. If anything, it should be Sindel who turns into the skunk since she has white hair with one dark spot in it. That, or she should morph into Jay Leno. Instead, the resurrected Queen of Outworld morphs into a wasp. Totally random? Perhaps. But maybe Sindel changes into a wasp because she looks a lot like W.A.S.P. frontman Blackie Lawless. You can decide for yourself.
Execution: Hold BLK, press F, F, U, release BLK, HP (anywhere)
Arbitrary Coolness Rating: 4 if it's a W.A.S.P. reference, 3.2 if it's not
Stryker
Stryker sucks. Tyrannosaurus rex rules. But wait, this is a RED tyrannosaurus. Red like the Tyrannosaurus Zord that Jason piloted on Mighty Morphin' Power Rangers. Jason also sucked, which leads to my theory: having a guy morph into the king of all dinosaurs can't disguise the fact that he is a total loser. Of course, Syd Lexia's Tyrannosaurus Morph Theory is still a work in progress and there are some holes in it that need to be fixed. For example, I have had to introduce the Grimlock Corollary. Simply stated, the Grimlock Corollary reads that if the being in question spends the majority of its time as a tyrannosaurus then it does not suck.
Execution: RN, RN, RN, BLK (one step back)
Arbitrary Coolness Rating: 2.9
Cyrax
Again, shouldn't a yellow robot turn into a yellow shark? Other than that, I got nothing. I don't know why a robot would turn into a shark. Then again, why WOULDN'T a robot turn into a shark?
Execution: While holding BLK, press U, U, D, D (close range)
Arbitrary Coolness Rating: 3
Kung Lao
Yeah, so Kung Lao turns into a leopard. I think a monkey would have made more sense since, wait, nevermind. I was going to compare the hat enthusiast Kung Lao to Curious George's legal guardian, The Man in the Yellow Hat and use that as the rationale for why Kung Lao should turn into a monkey. Upon further reflection, I realized that my logic was far too obtuse to work. A leopard is fine.
Execution: RN, RN, RN, RN, BLK (close range)
Arbitrary Coolness Rating: 3
Kabal
What in the fuck is this? Kabal, the mutilated Black Dragon, turns into a glow-in-the-dark rhinoceros skeleton. I don't really understand why Kabal wouldn't turn into a full rhino. After all, Scorpion turns into a real live penguin and he's just a spectre. Meanwhile Kabal is flesh and blood human and he turns into a pile of bones. OK, whatever. Also, rhinos suck.
Execution: Hold HP, press F, F, D, F, release HP (close range)
Arbitrary Coolness Rating: 1
Sheeva
Damn you, Sheeva. Scorpions are cool, but why couldn't you turn into something that isn't also the name of a classic MK character? You know, like a reptile. Oh, wait.
Execution: RN, BLK, BLK, BLK (close range)
Arbitrary Coolness Rating: 3.5
Shang Tsung
Shang Tsung and cobras are a perfect match; both of them will eat your soul if you give them an opening. I don't even particularly care that Shang Tsung doesn't turn into a yellow cobra. Cobras rule, especially giant ones.
Execution: Hold HP, press RN, RN, RN, release HP (from a few steps back)
Arbitrary Coolness Rating: 4.1
Liu Kang
This animality is pretty badass. Unfortunately, it was even better when it was in MK2 and it was in full color. I like how even though the upper torso has been eaten, the lower part of Shang Tsung's arms manage to stay in the air as if he hadn't been mauled. Shang is a sorcerer with dark and mysterious powers, but that still doesn't explain why the same thing happens with every other fucking character. Nice job, Midway.
Execution: D, D, U (one step back)
Arbitrary Coolness Rating: 3.5
Smoke
Smoke turns into a shadowy bull, which is actually kind of cool. The feigned realism that most of the animalities employ matches up terrible with the monochrome color. The bull animality works well because there's absolutely no attempt at detail. The ominous bull apparition is at least ten times cooler than the lifelike shark.
Execution: D, F, F, BLK (far)
Arbitrary Coolness Rating: 4
BABALITY.
Just like the friendships, babalities make a return in MK3 and they are also easier to perform than they were in MK2. To be able to use a babality, you must win Round 2 or Round 3 without blocking. That is the only prerequisite. For some reason, Classic Sub-Zero and Ermac do not seem to have babalities. This makes absolutely no sense since the babality finishing moves morph the opponent and thus it would require no additional work on the part of the programmers. The MK team took the time to add in a baby model for the Scorpion palette swaps, so it seems bizarre that they wouldn't give them the ability to execute babalities as well. Perhaps babalities do exist for the ninjas and no one has found them yet, but it seems very unlikely since the game has been out for so long. The babalities were somewhat funny in MK2, but there are fewer characters worth using them on in the sequel. Baby Kano and Baby Kabal are kinda cute, but the baby robots and ninjas are just plain lame. Just like in Part I, you're not getting screenshots of every single babality. The commands for every known babality, however, can be found below. Babalities can be performed from anywhere.
Kitana: F, F, D, F, HK
Reptile: F, F, B, D, LK
Sonya: D, D, F, LK
Jax: D, D, D, LK
Nightwolf: F, B, F, B, LK
Jade: D, D, F, D, HK
Scorpion: D, B, B, F, HP
Kano: F, F, D, D, LK
Mileena: D, D, F, F, HP
Sub-Zero: D, B, B, HK
Sektor: B, D, D, D, HK
Sindel: RN, RN, RN, U
Stryker: D, F, F, B, HP
Cyrax: F, F, B, HP
Kung Lao: D, F, F, HP
Kabal: RN, RN, LK
Sheeva: D, D, D, B, HK
Shang Tsung: RN, RN, RN, LK
Liu Kang: D, D, D, HK
Human Smoke: D, B, B, F, HP
Smoke: D, D, B, B, HK
Arbitrary Coolness Rating: 2.9
LEVEL FATALITIES.
Scorpion's Lair and Subway
Carrying on a tradition started in the original MK, UMK3 has level fatalities. This time around, there are four stages that can be hazardous to the loser's health. Up first are Subway and Scorpion's Lair. These two level fatalities are similar to the Dead Pool from MK2: you knock your opponent into the background and something nasty happens. Much like Scorpion himself, Scorpion's Lair was added in special for the ultimate edition of MK3. The level has pillars of bones rising up out of molten lava, which is pretty fucking badass. Unfortunately, the level fatality for Faux Hell is not all that great. Instead of summoning skeletons out of the lava to dismember your opponent, you just send the poor bastard hurtling into said lava. It's almost the same damn thing as the old Dead Pool fatality only you don't even get to see a cool floating skeleton. Fortunately, the Subway fatality is much cooler. In this level, you launch your opponent onto the far set of train tracks where he or she is promptly hit by a train, not unlike James Caan in Eraser. Dropping someone in lava is rather unimaginative, but throwing someone in front of a subway is splendidly cruel.
Arbitrary Coolness Rating for Scorpion's Lair: 2.4
Arbitrary Coolness Rating for Subway: 4
NOTE: No data exists to suggest that MK3 was at all responsible for any of those murders where someone was pushed off of a subway platform and under an incoming train.
Bell Tower and The Pit 3
MK3 also gives us two new Pit-style level fatalities where the opponent is sent falling into sharp pointy things. In the Bell Tower fatality, you uppercut your opponent and send them crashing through five floors of cheap plywood until finally the fall is broken by five foot tall spikes. Why are there spikes on the ground floor of a bell tower? Fucked if I know. Rather than bring back The Pit or Pit II, MK3 gives us the totally unnecessary The Pit 3 where opponents get knocked into rotating blades and torn apart. It's a cool effect, I guess, but I don't think the game really needed two level fatalities that were so similar. In MK2, all three level fatalities offered something different. At the very least though, the extra level fatality is an extra thing to do.
Arbitrary Coolness Rating for Bell Tower: 3
Arbitrary Coolness Rating for The Pit 3: 3
Below are the commands for the level fatalities. Each character has their own individual button combination which is used to perform all four fatalities. All level fatalities are performed at close range.
Kitana: F, D, D, LK
Reptile: RN, BLK, RN, BLK, BLK
Sonya: F, F, D, HP
Jax: D, F, D, LP
Nightwolf: RN, RN, BLK
Jade: B, F, D, RN
Scorpion: Hold BLK, press F, U, U, release BLK, LP
Kano: Hold BLK, press U, U, B, release BLK, LK
Mileena: D, D, D, LP
Ermac: RN, RN, RN, RN, LK
Sub-Zero: B, D, F, F, HK
Classic Sub-Zero: F, D, F, F, HP
Sektor: RN, RN, RN, D
Sindel: D, D, D, LP
Stryker: Hold BLK, press F, U, U, release BLK, HK
Cyrax: RN, BLK, RN
Kung Lao: D, D, F, F, LK
Kabal: BLK, BLK, HK
Sheeva: D, F, D, F, LP
Shang Tsung: Hold BLK, U, U, B, release BLK, LP
Liu Kang: RN, BLK, BLK, LK
Human Smoke: Hold BLK, press F, U, U, relase BLK, LP
Smoke: F, F, D, LK
So there you have it, the Mortal Kombat Fatality Extravaganza. Between all three games, I took over 4,500 screenshots which I then had to sift through in order to find stills that properly captured the essence of the moves. The entire experience took A LOT more time than I had thought it would. Maybe in the future I'll do a third installment where I look at Mortal Kombat Trilogy, but right now I am drained and I don't think I'm going to be playing Mortal Kombats 1-3 or any other 2D fighters again for quite a while. But if this article sated even one homicidal maniac's bloodlust, then it was all worth it.
Post by: Syd Lexia
04/23/05
