S. McCracken wrote:

Pimpin' in a gorilla suit ain't easy.

No, no, no.... It's "Chimpin' ain't easy."

Douche McCallister wrote:

Also regarding the most dangerous "fun" you can have outside...

The most dangerous fun outside?

That would be Jarts, baby!

Jarts (More commonly know as "Lawn Darts") were the shit.

The best part about Jarts was that they eliminated all speculation from true outdoor fun. (Is this dangerous? Hell yes, now chuck it!) And they were equal opportunity: All it took to play lawn darts was a sweaty grip. For good measure, it was also nice to have a small sibling around to stand on the other side of the house and tell you how your throw looked (and by how much you cleared the chimney).

Other dangerously fun outdoor toys:*

1. Mini-hammocks seemed innocuous enough. No projectiles, no lead paint, no sharp edges, and no explicit danger (except sloth). But between the years of 1984–1995 the EZ Sales mini-hammock, oft marketed under the name "Hang Ten," managed to hang 12. CPSC reported in August 1996 that the product had resulted in the fatal and near-fatal asphyxiation of dozens of kids ages five to 17 and recalled three million of them. Among the banned EZ products were Hangouts Baby Hammocks, or "Baby's First Death Cocoon," woven from thin cotton and nylon strings.
The culprit was a missing set of "spreader bars," supports meant to keep the hammock open when it was "at ease." Unfortunately, children seeking to spend an afternoon like Gilligan became entangled in the net and strangled to death. That's what happens when you spend $4 on a hammock.

2. Executives at Galoob Toys predicted big sales for Christmas 1994. With their new Sky Dancer, they would be the first toy company to combine the sparkly femininity of Barbie with the firepower of a bottle rocket. But six years later, the Sky Dancer was grounded. When spun aloft, the wings—which felt so soft and cushy in the aisles of Toys "R" Us—turned into steely-hard child manglers. In 2000, the CPSC announced that over 150 children fell prey to Sky Dancer's helicopter-blade arms and erratic "Oh-Jesus-it's-chasing-me!" flying patterns. Injuries included scratched corneas and temporary blindness, mild concussions, broken ribs and teeth, and facial lacerations that required stitches. Nearly nine million Sky Dancers were eventually recalled, leaving aspiring ballerinas to earn their battle scars the old fashioned way, with an eating disorder.

3. The Water Wiggle. Oh sure, it looks like a harmless water toy, but this toy strangled me and practically ALL of my friends at one time or another. You attach the Water Wiggle to your garden hose, and a jet nozzle hidden under that goofy face would rocket the Water Wiggle all over the lawn, wrapping itself tightly around any stationary object, usually somebody's neck.

4. The short thin plastic skateboards. I don't know who made them, but if I had to guess, I would say Satan. There was no way to keep any sense of control on these things, the trucks were so high up, that the deck would tilt almost vertically in either direction. Also, the smallest pebble would stop this thing dead in it tracks, but thanks to physics, you kept going on you merry way... usually head first.


Honorable mention:
Happy Fun Ball



(*The first two toy write-ups were taken from the article "10 Most Dangerous Toys", though I did have lawn darts and that was exactly what we did with them, and I remember those hammacks and how much of a pain they were to get in and out of. I am just not that good of a writer. The last two, are in fact, my write-ups.)

John Fucking Reno is THE man!

Have you ever seen:

The Professional (Also known as "Leon The Professional" or just "Leon")
Mission: Impossible (The first movie of the Tom Cruise trilogy.)
Godzilla (The shitty moddern remake with Matthew Brodrick in it.)
The Da Vinci Code
Onimusha 3: Demon Siege (He is in the fucking game!)
Rollerball
Ronin
Nikita
Hotel Rwanda
Flyboys

If you have seen any of those movies, you have seen Jean Reno.

Also, a interesting fact about Jean Reno:
He turned down the role of Agent Smith in The Matrix, in order to do Godzilla.