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SoldierHawk
Moderator
Title: Warrior-Poet
Joined: Jan 15 2009
Location: San Diego, CA
Posts: 6085
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| GPFontaine wrote: |
| He doesn't care though, every girl for the rest of eternity will buy shit he is in even if they think of him as the same damn character. |
Actually, he really does care, which makes the situation even sadder. He's basically come out and said (although not this bluntly) that the books suck, and he really regrets taking the part. Poor bastard.
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| William Shakespeare wrote: |
| Love all, trust a few, do wrong to none. |
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JoshWoodzy
Joined: May 22 2008
Location: Goshen, VA
Posts: 6544
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If he regretted it that bad, he would not have promoted it so vehemently and signed on for the sequel.
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SoldierHawk
Moderator
Title: Warrior-Poet
Joined: Jan 15 2009
Location: San Diego, CA
Posts: 6085
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One of the better parodies I've seen:
http://www.cracked.com/blog/my-book-proposal-for-the-next-bestselling-piece-of-shit/
| Quote: |
| "No." I didn't feel like mentioning that my stomach is already full, Bonita thought. Full of butterflies. Fucking each other.* |
Even better than that is the characterization of the Bella knock-off. Classic.
*Emphasis is the author's, not mine.
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| William Shakespeare wrote: |
| Love all, trust a few, do wrong to none. |
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SoldierHawk
Moderator
Title: Warrior-Poet
Joined: Jan 15 2009
Location: San Diego, CA
Posts: 6085
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| William Shakespeare wrote: |
| Love all, trust a few, do wrong to none. |
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Neutral-Bob
Title: Zarkin Frood
Joined: Aug 17 2006
Location: Casa Del Guapo
Posts: 964
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Wow, so she's basically the Carlos Mencia of vampire stories?
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"When I became a man I put away childish things, including the fear of childishness and the desire to be very grown up." - C.S Lewis |
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SoldierHawk
Moderator
Title: Warrior-Poet
Joined: Jan 15 2009
Location: San Diego, CA
Posts: 6085
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Yes, Bob. Yes she is. In fact that's the most succinct summary of her talents I have ever heard.
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| William Shakespeare wrote: |
| Love all, trust a few, do wrong to none. |
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Neutral-Bob
Title: Zarkin Frood
Joined: Aug 17 2006
Location: Casa Del Guapo
Posts: 964
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It worries me that both my mother and my youngest brother love that series. It seems so mediocre.
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"When I became a man I put away childish things, including the fear of childishness and the desire to be very grown up." - C.S Lewis |
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Char Aznable
Title: Char Classic™
Joined: Jul 24 2006
Location: Robot Boombox HQ
Posts: 7542
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Because VAMPIRES can't swim as well as MEXICANS!
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Neutral-Bob
Title: Zarkin Frood
Joined: Aug 17 2006
Location: Casa Del Guapo
Posts: 964
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*rimshot*
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"When I became a man I put away childish things, including the fear of childishness and the desire to be very grown up." - C.S Lewis |
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Thorinair
Title: Sophisticated as Hell
Joined: Jul 02 2008
Location: Limbo, doing the limbo
Posts: 349
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"Edward, being a thirteen-year-old girl, thinks Bella has died and goes to Italy to commit suicide. He attempts to do this by exposing himself to the sun at noon in an Italian town."
So, no steak through the heart? No mass devouring of garlic? No melting in the sun? KILL YOURSELF THE VAMPIRE WAY YOU DAMN WUSS!
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SoldierHawk
Moderator
Title: Warrior-Poet
Joined: Jan 15 2009
Location: San Diego, CA
Posts: 6085
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You know the best part of that? Twilight vampires. I guess he thinks a torchbearing mob will come out of nowhere and stake him when they see him sparkle...?
I dunno. Trying to apply logic to Twilight makes my head hurt.
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| William Shakespeare wrote: |
| Love all, trust a few, do wrong to none. |
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Thorinair
Title: Sophisticated as Hell
Joined: Jul 02 2008
Location: Limbo, doing the limbo
Posts: 349
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| SoldierHawk wrote: |
You know the best part of that? Twilight vampires. I guess he thinks a torchbearing mob will come out of nowhere and stake him when they see him sparkle...?
I dunno. Trying to apply logic to Twilight makes my head hurt. |
Nah. Worst case secnario, he gets teased for wearing body glitter. And hey, maybe the tauts will get him to use the time testing "bullet to the brain" method.
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SoldierHawk
Moderator
Title: Warrior-Poet
Joined: Jan 15 2009
Location: San Diego, CA
Posts: 6085
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| Thorinair wrote: |
| SoldierHawk wrote: |
You know the best part of that? Twilight vampires. I guess he thinks a torchbearing mob will come out of nowhere and stake him when they see him sparkle...?
I dunno. Trying to apply logic to Twilight makes my head hurt. |
Nah. Worst case secnario, he gets teased for wearing body glitter. And hey, maybe the tauts will get him to use the time testing "bullet to the brain" method. |
But he's a VAMPIRE! A bullet to the brain CAN'T HURT HIM!
Logic...imploding...brain...reaching singularity...gaaaaah!!!!
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| William Shakespeare wrote: |
| Love all, trust a few, do wrong to none. |
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Lady_Satine
Title: Head of Lexian R&D
Joined: Oct 15 2005
Location: Metro area, Georgia
Posts: 7287
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| SoldierHawk wrote: |
| Thorinair wrote: |
| SoldierHawk wrote: |
You know the best part of that? Twilight vampires. I guess he thinks a torchbearing mob will come out of nowhere and stake him when they see him sparkle...?
I dunno. Trying to apply logic to Twilight makes my head hurt. |
Nah. Worst case secnario, he gets teased for wearing body glitter. And hey, maybe the tauts will get him to use the time testing "bullet to the brain" method. |
But he's a VAMPIRE! A bullet to the brain CAN'T HURT HIM!
Logic...imploding...brain...reaching singularity...gaaaaah!!!!
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"MIND BULLETS!"
"That's telekinesis Kyle."
"Silver nitrate, then?"
"Indeed"
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"Life is a waste of time. Time is a waste of life. Get wasted all the time, and you'll have the time of your life!" |
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Thorinair
Title: Sophisticated as Hell
Joined: Jul 02 2008
Location: Limbo, doing the limbo
Posts: 349
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| SoldierHawk wrote: |
| Thorinair wrote: |
| SoldierHawk wrote: |
You know the best part of that? Twilight vampires. I guess he thinks a torchbearing mob will come out of nowhere and stake him when they see him sparkle...?
I dunno. Trying to apply logic to Twilight makes my head hurt. |
Nah. Worst case secnario, he gets teased for wearing body glitter. And hey, maybe the tauts will get him to use the time testing "bullet to the brain" method. |
But he's a VAMPIRE! A bullet to the brain CAN'T HURT HIM!
Logic...imploding...brain...reaching singularity...gaaaaah!!!!
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On that note, can mass confusion destroy a vampire? Kinda like in a crappy Sci-Fi movie were the only way to destroy a computer is to force it into a logical paradox? That would be a great new variation on the mythos. Much better than 'Twilight' at any rate. Also, did that computer thing happan in the movie 2001? I don't think it did but I haven't seen it in a while... THIS CONCLUDES AN AWKWARD RAMBLING POST
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username
Title: owner of a lonely heart
Joined: Jul 06 2007
Location: phoenix, az usa
Posts: 16123
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nah, Dave shut down the PC in 2001
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| Klimbatize wrote: |
| I'll eat a turkey sandwich while blowing my load |
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Thorinair
Title: Sophisticated as Hell
Joined: Jul 02 2008
Location: Limbo, doing the limbo
Posts: 349
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| username wrote: |
| nah, Dave shut down the PC in 2001 |
I'm gonna say this is what given that I'm too lazy to look it up. But what about being engulfed in flames? Would that kill a Twilight vampire? Just hit 'em with some Febreeze and a lighter.
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username
Title: owner of a lonely heart
Joined: Jul 06 2007
Location: phoenix, az usa
Posts: 16123
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| Thorinair wrote: |
| username wrote: |
| nah, Dave shut down the PC in 2001 |
I'm gonna say this is what given that I'm too lazy to look it up. But what about being engulfed in flames? Would that kill a Twilight vampire? Just hit 'em with some Febreeze and a lighter. |
i think if they tried to 'man up,' that might kill them. pussy ass twilight vampires
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| Klimbatize wrote: |
| I'll eat a turkey sandwich while blowing my load |
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Thorinair
Title: Sophisticated as Hell
Joined: Jul 02 2008
Location: Limbo, doing the limbo
Posts: 349
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| username wrote: |
| Thorinair wrote: |
| username wrote: |
| nah, Dave shut down the PC in 2001 |
I'm gonna say this is what given that I'm too lazy to look it up. But what about being engulfed in flames? Would that kill a Twilight vampire? Just hit 'em with some Febreeze and a lighter. |
i think if they tried to 'man up,' that might kill them. pussy ass twilight vampires |
I can see it now: "Testosterone! NOOOOOOOO!"
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lavalarva
2011 SNES Champ
Joined: Dec 04 2006
Posts: 1929
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Just reading the summary almost made me barf. It's not because it's really disgusting, but because for that to happen doesn't make any fucking sense.
In a horror movie, it's sort of okay, because you expect it. But very graphic stuff coming out of nowhere are incredibly annoying and stupid.
Also, if a vampire somehow manages to be strong enough to survive sunlight, it should at least get major sunburns, as in its skin is boiling. That'd be badass.
Yeah, I'm weird. But it helps clearing my mind of sparkling vampires.
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Thorinair
Title: Sophisticated as Hell
Joined: Jul 02 2008
Location: Limbo, doing the limbo
Posts: 349
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| lavalarva wrote: |
Just reading the summary almost made me barf. It's not because it's really disgusting, but because for that to happen doesn't make any fucking sense.
In a horror movie, it's sort of okay, because you expect it. But very graphic stuff coming out of nowhere are incredibly annoying and stupid.
Also, if a vampire somehow manages to be strong enough to survive sunlight, it should at least get major sunburns, as in its skin is boiling. That'd be badass.
Yeah, I'm weird. But it helps clearing my mind of sparkling vampires. |
Of all the things that made me hate the series, it was the SPARKLING FUCKING VAMPIRES. I can understand having fangirls, I can understand bad writing, I can understand piss poor character development, but SPARKLING FUCKING VAMPIRES? That's just going to far! So yeah, Twilight sucks because the vampires sparkle. Yes I can be petty.
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anorexorcist
Title: Polar Bear
Joined: May 21 2008
Location: The Cock and Plucket
Posts: 2131
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Guys...it's not really about vampires, it's about love. They love eachother, guys.
That's what I was told by a girl defending the series. My sister owns the movie, I might watch it for the giggles.
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Lawyers, Guns and Money |
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Thorinair
Title: Sophisticated as Hell
Joined: Jul 02 2008
Location: Limbo, doing the limbo
Posts: 349
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| anorexorcist wrote: |
Guys...it's not really about vampires, it's about love. They love eachother, guys.
That's what I was told by a girl defending the series. My sister owns the movie, I might watch it for the giggles. |
So, Stalking = Love? Does not compute.
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TheRoboSleuth
Title: Sleuth Mark IV
Joined: Aug 08 2006
Location: The Gritty Future
Posts: 2739
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| Thorinair wrote: |
| anorexorcist wrote: |
Guys...it's not really about vampires, it's about love. They love eachother, guys.
That's what I was told by a girl defending the series. My sister owns the movie, I might watch it for the giggles. |
So, Stalking = Love? Does not compute. |
Its about a creepy and fake love that lonely fanfic writers endorse. The kind that suffer from a painful absence of any real emotional experience involving relationships, usually caused by being a epic loser or taking a vow of abstinence.
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Thorinair
Title: Sophisticated as Hell
Joined: Jul 02 2008
Location: Limbo, doing the limbo
Posts: 349
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| RobotGumshoe wrote: |
| Thorinair wrote: |
| anorexorcist wrote: |
Guys...it's not really about vampires, it's about love. They love eachother, guys.
That's what I was told by a girl defending the series. My sister owns the movie, I might watch it for the giggles. |
So, Stalking = Love? Does not compute. |
Its about a creepy and fake love that lonely fanfic writers endorse. The kind that suffer from a painful absence of any real emotional experience involving relationships, usually caused by being a epic loser or taking a vow of abstinence. |
So, it's a story about a middle school relationship?
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