Optimist With Doubts wrote:

For the love of God no Shakespeare

And you cal yourself an actor. Fuck off.

/elitism

Okay seriously now. If you're looking for modern, you cannot get any better (or funnier, imho, than "Beyond Therapy" by Christopher Durang. You might have to do a bit of work to turn some of the best parts (which are conversations) into monologues, but it will be well worth it, trust me. Hilarious stuff.

Another great one is "Santaland Diaries" by David Sedaris. Its a one-person play, so all you have to do is pick a piece of it that's an appropriate length and that you like. I've done several monologues from it for auditions and such, and usually have great success--its a brilliant piece, but not his most widely known, and so the chances of someone else doing it too are pretty small. And even then, the chances of you both picking the same part are even smaller.

If you don't like either of those choices, anything by Durang or Sedaris will work, really. If you're looking for something a little more highbrow, maybe check out Beckett? Waiting for Godot (or No Exit by Sartre) both have awesome monologues. They aren't laugh out loud kind of comedy, more the dark, ironic kind, but if that's what you're looking for, you couldn't do better.

My personal vote: Santaland Diaries. Almost impossible to go wrong with it, and you'll love reading it too.

Oh, but Santaland Diaries IS a published play; its not an essay. (None of the ones I mentioned are essays actually; all plays.)

Nothing wrong with picking the same play someone did for dramatic monologues. Obviously you're going to pick a different scene so I say if Godot is what you want to do, go for it.

(For the record, I hope it was obvious I was totally kidding about the Shakespeare joke btw. I would never, ever really insult someone for not wanting to do it.)

Regardless, let us know how the scene goes, and break a leg!