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Stupid Instructions and/or warnings on products.


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Knyte
2010 SLF Tag Champ*
Title: Curator Of The VGM
Joined: Nov 01 2006
Location: Here I am.
PostPosted: Dec 03 2006 12:23 am Reply with quote Back to top

After reading Syd's engaging review of the Band Aid Box, I thought I would include some stupid things companies have placed upon their products:

Liquid Plummer
Warning: Do not reuse the bottle to store beverages.

Windex
Do not spray in eyes.

Bowl Fresh
Safe to use around pets and children, although it is not recommended that either be permitted to drink from toilet.

Toilet Plunger
Caution: Do not use near power lines.

Dremel Electric Rotary Tool
This product not intended for use as a dental drill.

Arm & Hammer Scoopable Cat Litter
Safe to use around pets.

Endust Duster
This product is not defined as flammable by the Consumer Products Safety Commision Regulations. However, this product can be ignited under certain circumstances.

Baby Oil
Keep out of reach of children

Little Ones Baby Lotion
Keep away from children

Hair Coloring
Do not use as an ice cream topping.

Wet-Nap
Directions: Tear open packet and use.

Dial Soap
Directions: Use like regular soap.

Stridex Foaming Face Wash
May contain foam.

Hairdryer:
Do not use while taking a shower.

Old Spice Red Zone Deoderant
Use only on underarms.

Zantac 75
Do not take if allergic to zantac.

Sleeping Pills
Warning: May cause Drowsiness


Christmas Lights
Warning: For indoor or outdoor use only.

Bic Lighter
Ignite lighter away from face.

Komatsu Floodlight
This floodlight is capable of illuminating large areas, even in the dark

Fire Extinguisher:
Caution: Non-Flamable

Earplugs
These ear plugs are nontoxic, but may interfere with breathing if caught in windpipe

Mattress
Warning: Do not attempt to swallow

Matches
Caution: Contents may catch fire.

Pepper Spray
Caution: Never aim spray at your own eyes.

Auto-Shade Widnshield Visor
Warning: Do not drive with sunshade in place. Remove from windshield before starting ignition.

Fix-a-Flat
WARNING: Do not weld can to rim.

Rain Gauge
Suitable for outdoor use.

RCA Television Remote Control
Not Dishwasher Safe

Pine Mountain Fire Logs
Caution: Risk of fire

Triops Fish Food
Warning: Not for human consumption

Home Depot Treated Lumber
Do not consume

Hair Dryer
Warning: Do not use while sleeping.

Road Sign
Caution water on road during rain.

Camera
This camera will only work when film is inside.

Road Sign
Cemetery Road. Dead End

Church Parking Lot Sign
Thou shalt not park

Children's Superman Costume
Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly.

Silk Soy Milk
Shake well and buy often

Air Conditioner
Caution: Avoid dropping air conditioners out of windows.

Rowenta Iron
Warning: Never iron clothes on the body.

Slush Puppy Cup
This ice may be cold

American Airlines Peanuts
Instructions: open packet, eat nuts.

Nabisco Easy Cheese
For best results, remove cap.

Swanson TV Dinners
This product must be cooked before eating.

Hershey's Almond Bar
Warning: May contain traces of nuts

Heinz Ketchup
Instructions: Put on food

500-piece puzzle:
Some assembly required.

Beach Ball
CAUTION: It is not a life saving device.

Chainsaw
Do not attempt to stop chain with hands.

Sears hairdryer:
Do not use while sleeping.

Bag of Fritos:
You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside.

Bar of Dial soap:
Directions: Use like regular soap.

Swann frozen dinners:
Serving suggestion: Defrost.

Hotel provided shower cap in a box:
Fits one head.

Tesco's Tiramisu dessert: (printed on bottom of the box)
Do not turn upside down.

Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding:
Product will be hot after heating.

Packaging for a Rowenta iron:
Do not iron clothes on body.

Boot's Children's cough medicine:
Do not drive car or operate machinery.

Nytol sleep aid:
Warning: may cause drowsiness.

String of Chinese-made Christmas lights:
For indoor or outdoor use only.

Japanese food processor:
Not to be used for the other use.

Sainsbury's peanuts:
Warning: contains nuts.

American Airlines packet of nuts:
Instructions: open packet, eat nuts.

Korean kitchen knife:
Warning keep out of children

Helmet mounted mirror used by us cyclists:
Remember, objects in the mirror are actually behind you

New Zealand insect spray:
This product not tested on animals.

Blanket from taiwan:
not to be used as protection from a tornado

Cardboard windshield sun shade:
Warning: Do Not Drive With Sun Shield in Place.

Infant's bathtub:
Do not throw baby out with bath water.

Package of Fisherman's Friend throat lozenges:
Not meant as substitute for human companionship.

Disposable razor:
Do not use this product during an earthquake.

Bottle of shampoo for dogs
Caution: The contents of this bottle should not be fed to fish.

Curling Iron
Warning: This product can burn eyes.

Hair Dryer
Do not use in shower.

Hair Dryer
Do not use while sleeping.

Hand-held Massaging Device
Do not use while sleeping or unconscious.

Case of a chocolate CD in a gift basket.
Do not place this product into any electronic equipment.

A toilet at a public sports facility
Recycled flush water unsafe for drinking.

Pair of shin guards made for bicyclists
Shin pads cannot protect any part of the body they do not cover.

Container of Underarm Deodorant.
Caution: Do not spray in eyes.

Aim-n-Flame fireplace lighter.
Do not use near fire, flame, or sparks.

Toner cartridge for a laser printer
Do not eat toner.

13-inch wheel on a wheelbarrow
Not intended for highway use.

Can of self-defense pepper spray.
May irritate eyes.

Novelty rock garden set called "Popcorn Rock"
Eating rocks may lead to broken teeth.

A frisbee
Warning: May contain small parts.

A toilet bowl cleaning brush.
Do not use orally.

A birthday card for a 1 year old.
Not suitable for children aged 36 months or less.

Heated seat cushion
Warning: Do not use on eyes.

Microwave Oven:
Do not use for drying pets.

Electric Cattle Prod
For use on animals only.

Can of air freshener.
For use by trained personnel only.

Silly Putty
Do not use as ear plugs.

Knife sharpening stone
Warning: knives are sharp!

Deodorant
Do not use intimately.

Rat Poison
Warning: has been found to cause cancer in laboratory mice.

Portable stroller
Caution: Remove infant before folding for storage.

Dashboard of a mail truck
Look before driving.

Children's cough medicine
Do not drive car or operate machinery.

Sign at a railroad station
Beware! To touch these wires is instant death. Anyone found doing so will be prosecuted.

Bottom of a supermarket dessert box
Do not turn upside down.

Package of dice.
Not for human consumption.

Bottled Drink:
Twist top off with hands. Throw top away. Do not put top in mouth.

Shipment of hammers
May be harmful if swallowed.

Manual for an SGI computer.
Do not dangle the mouse by its cable or throw the mouse at co-workers.

Stamped on the metal barrel of a .22 calibre rifle
Warning: Misuse may cause injury or death.

Electric Thermometer.
Do not use orally after using rectally.

Packaging for a chain saw file, used to sharpen the cutting teeth on the chain.
Turn off motor before using this product.

6x10 inch inflatable picture frame
Not to be used as a personal flotation device.

Box of bottle rockets
Do not put in mouth.

Wrapper of a Fruit Roll-Up snack
Remove plastic before eating.

Box for a car jack
For lifting purposes only.

Instructions for a cordless phone:
Do not put lit candles on phone.

Small print from car commercial which shows a car in the ocean
Do not drive cars in ocean.

Small print from a car commercial which shows a vehicle "body-surfing" at a concert
Always drive on roads. Not on people.

Bus Stop
No stopping or standing.

Church Sign
These rows reserved for parents with children.

Bag of Fritos
You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside.

Credit card statement.
Payment is due by the due date.

Laundromat triple washer
No small children.

Sign in front of a newly renovated ramp that led to the entrance of a building
Take care: new non-slip surface.

Box of Pills
Take one capsule by mouth three times daily until gone.

Instructions on the packaging for a muffin at a 7-11
Remove wrapper, open mouth, insert muffin, eat.

Can of black pepper.
Instructions: usage known.

Bag of cat biscuits
Simply pour the biscuits into a bowl and allow the cat to eat when it wants.

Car Manual
In order to get out of car, open door, get out, lock doors, and then close doors.

Espresso Kettle
The appliance is switched on by setting the on/off switch to the 'on' position.

T.V. manual
Do not pour liquids into your television set.

Label on a hammer
Caution - Do not use this hammer to strike any solid object

VCR box
Instructional video on hooking up VCR included.

Toilet brush
Do not use for personal hygiene.

Black rubber fishing worm
Not for human consumption.

Orange Juice Can:
100% pure all-natural fresh-squeezed orange juice from concentrate.

Depend Adult Diapers
Step into underwear and pull them on just like regular underwear.

Furniture Wipes
Do not use for a baby wipe.

Stickers to put on the seat of a potty training toilet
This is not a toy. Stickers require adult supervision.

Lawnmower
Warning: When Motor Is Running - The Blade Is Turning

Instructions on the bottom of a grocery store pizza
Do not turn upside down.

Bottom of a Coca-Cola bottle
Do not open here.

Bottle of bathtub cleaner
For best results, start with clean bathtub before use.

Container of lighter fluid
WARNING: Contents flammable!

Box of household nails
CAUTION! - Do NOT swallow nails! May cause irritation!

Microwave popcorn, packaged so that the directions cannot be read unless you open the plastic and unfold it
Direction #1: Remove plastic.

Drink bottle label
Do not peel label off.

Woolite carpet cleaner
Safe for carpets, too!

Box of Frosted Cheerio's
The logo, "Tastes so good this box never closes," is located just underneath another announcement: "To close: place tab here."

Sterno
Do not use near fire or flame.

Container of salt
Warning: High in sodium

Hose Nozzle
Do not spray into electrical outlet.

(After reading these, I think I agree with Wonko The Sane.* Perhaps, I should build an asylum as well.)

* Bonus points, if anyone knows what book and event in it, that I am refering to.
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Chrisby
Joined: Mar 31 2006
Location: Where my computer is.
PostPosted: Dec 03 2006 01:00 am Reply with quote Back to top

Knyte wrote:

Blanket from taiwan:
not to be used as protection from a tornado


I think I saw that, or something similar to it, years ago over at engrish.com. Good stuff.
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Tishwitch
Title: PornStarExtraordinaire
Joined: Jul 01 2006
Location: Winter Wonderland
PostPosted: Dec 03 2006 11:46 am Reply with quote Back to top

Knyte wrote:
Pepper Spray
Caution: Never aim spray at your own eyes.

But what if you're trying to get away from yourself??? I am my own worse enemy sometimes... Twisted Evil


Knyte wrote:
Home Depot Treated Lumber
Do not consume

Unless of course you're a beaver... Razz


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Kubo
Joined: Aug 24 2005
Location: Mount Holly, NJ
PostPosted: Dec 03 2006 12:33 pm Reply with quote Back to top

Tishwitch wrote:
But what if you're trying to get away from yourself??? I am my own worse enemy sometimes... Twisted Evil

A friend of mine growing up didn't have a sense of smell... I forget how he lost it, but he did. Anyway, one day when we were like 11, we soemhow got our hands on a bottle of pepper spray. Being really stupid, we thought that pepper spray worked because you could smell how awful it is.
We decided to test our theory by blasting my friend in the face with pepper spray.

Evidence did not support our theory.


Thou, because I am wroth, be not dismayed, for I shall win the strife, whoever circle round within for the defence. This their insolence is not new, for of old they used it at a less secret gate, which still is found without a bolt. Above it thou didst see the dead inscription; and already on this side of it
descends the steep, passing without escort through the circles,
One such that by him the city shall be opened to us.
 
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lavalarva
2011 SNES Champ
Joined: Dec 04 2006
PostPosted: Dec 04 2006 02:45 am Reply with quote Back to top

Most of those are put on because some idiot tried to do it and sued the company for not telling not to do it. That, or the company wants to fill blanks with their instructions. It can also be bad translation. I'm french and often the word "safe" changes meaning with their sloppy translation. It's really funny to read thought and guess what happens when products are Made in Turkey...
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Char Aznable
Title: Char Classicâ„¢
Joined: Jul 24 2006
Location: Robot Boombox HQ
PostPosted: Dec 04 2006 09:32 am Reply with quote Back to top

New one:

Airsoft gun manual
Warning, do not point in face or may cause danger & Hurt yourself (sic, even the capital H Laughing!).

I guess Regal's writing for these guys now. That would explain what it says on the next line:

Warning, Zero is Bass.


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Gushoshin
Title: guardian of death
Joined: Feb 27 2006
Location: Washington State
PostPosted: Dec 05 2006 06:07 am Reply with quote Back to top

The disclaimers about driving pick-up trucks off of cliffs always cracks me up. Do they put those becuase someone was stupid enough to actully try that??

...and all a little looney....


Steve Gavazzi, Marc Green
Jon Sly! It's time to play... WHICH DOUCHEBAG SAID THIS????

"I'm curious -- which mountain climber was used in Cliff Hangers?"


Happy anniversary you fucking wankers!
 
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Tishwitch
Title: PornStarExtraordinaire
Joined: Jul 01 2006
Location: Winter Wonderland
PostPosted: Dec 05 2006 03:17 pm Reply with quote Back to top

Kubo wrote:
Being really stupid, we thought that pepper spray worked because you could smell how awful it is.
We decided to test our theory by blasting my friend in the face with pepper spray.
Evidence did not support our theory.


Ask Valdronius about the Tear Gas... Wink


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SuperSmoothSmiley
Title: Todays Tomorrow
Joined: Dec 10 2006
Location: Can, Ont.
PostPosted: Dec 10 2006 09:11 pm Reply with quote Back to top

I saw hair dryer atleast three times...copy paste much?


At weddings old people smile at me and say
"You will be next,"
At funrals I smile at old people and say
"You will be next,"
 
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Dr. Jeebus
Moderator
Title: SLF Harbinger of Death
Joined: Sep 03 2005
Location: Wakefield, MA
PostPosted: Dec 12 2006 02:05 pm Reply with quote Back to top

On the back of a Simpsons collector's plate I just scanned for work:
"A DECORATIVE ACCESSORY. NOT TO BE USED FOR FOOD CONSUMPTION. PIGMENTS USED FOR COLOR MAYBE TOXIC."

mmmm....deadly plate....


dr.jeebus.sydlexia.com - Updated sometimes, but on hiatus!
UsaSatsui wrote:
The three greatest heels in history...Andy Kaufman, Triple H, and Dr. Jeebus

 
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Rycona
Moderator
Title: The Maestro
Joined: Nov 01 2005
Location: Away from Emerald Weapon
PostPosted: Dec 12 2006 03:20 pm Reply with quote Back to top

Char Aznable wrote:
New one:

Airsoft gun manual
Warning, do not point in face or may cause danger & Hurt yourself (sic, even the capital H Laughing!).

I guess Regal's writing for these guys now. That would explain what it says on the next line:

Warning, Zero is Bass.


I'm waiting for something like this to come out:

NyQuil
Warning: May cause fatigue and increased body temperature. Do not operate vehicles/heavy machinery if you are too tired and/or too hot. May also cause irrational theory and contradiction to any sensible nature. Great for parties.


RIP Hacker.
 
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Char Aznable
Title: Char Classicâ„¢
Joined: Jul 24 2006
Location: Robot Boombox HQ
PostPosted: Dec 12 2006 04:10 pm Reply with quote Back to top

I've been having NyQuil-induced hallucinations for the past 2 days. Very Happy


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Mr. Bomberman
2009 Forum Champion
Title: (still) token black.
Joined: Jan 27 2006
Location: Home of the lost towers
PostPosted: Dec 12 2006 08:26 pm Reply with quote Back to top

May I add this from my failed "Whatever" thread, 'cause if someone wants to help me bring it back from the dead, I'd sure be happy.

The (hilarious) Japanese Wii safety manual.
http://www.gizmodo.com/gadgets/home-entertainment/the-japanese-wii-safety-manual-is-crazy-219119.php


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Xbox Live: HazNobody, pronounced "HAz". | Haven't went to IRC yet? Go! #sydlexia @ DALnet. | Y'all should play some Super Robot Wars J (hey that rhymes!) | yeah I'm back who gives a shit
 
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Char Aznable
Title: Char Classicâ„¢
Joined: Jul 24 2006
Location: Robot Boombox HQ
PostPosted: Dec 12 2006 08:29 pm Reply with quote Back to top

I read that. The YTMND that Murdar posted a link to is funnier.

Oh, yeah. I finally got a Wii! WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!


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