...Not from me, because I haven't read it or seen the movie. I barely knew anything about it other than the most basic premise (human girl + vampire boy), until I read this:

http://www.cracked.com/topic/36-twilight/

I loved cracked.com before. Now I really, really love it, and am tempted to see the movie/read the book just for the MST-ing humor value. (And so I can form my own opinion, although seriously, if its a tenth of what the reviewer there says, I can't imagine it being much different.)

Anyway, hilarious stuff. Has anyone actually read the book? (Or seen the movie I guess, since I don't want to start the same topic in the movie forum.)

Knyte wrote:

I read an interview with one of the actors in the film, who said that after getting the role, they read the book to get more insight on thier character. They said they felt like they were reading some teenage girl's private diary of sexual fantasies, and suddenly felt very dirty about being involved in it.

Oh those poor kids. They are so fucked for life now too, because they'll never be able to outlive the characters they played.

Hey Enshink, you know what's worse than

Quote: wrote:

"Aren't you hungry?" he asked, distracted. "No." I didn't feel like mentioning that my stomach was already full - full of butterflies.

The fact that vampires don't go out into the sunlight because they melt or combust or burn, oh no. Vampires don't go out into the sun...because they sparkle

Speaking of twisted though, that series really is. Have any of you read the whole article I posted, and gotten to the part in the third book where the vampire delivers whatshernames' baby by ripping open her stomach with his fangs?

lordsathien wrote:

Having actually read the article now, I have to say Book 4 is all kindsa fucked up. P.S. Nice Wizards drawing there bob.

No shit. That description of the pregnancy/birth might be the most disturbing thing I've ever heard. I mean, that's right up there with fucking Saw when you stop to think about it. And they are marketing this to little girls? And these characters are supposed to be role modles? As a woman, I can't tell you how insulting the whole series is basically, but that just takes the cake. If the author wanted an excuse to make her a vampire, have her get hit by a fucking car or something and have him save her life. Don't fucking do that.

P.S. Bob, that is a kickass drawing! Except for some reason when I saw it, the first thing I assumed was that it was a Fremen, from Dune. Awesome stuff though.

Black Zarak wrote:

So...wait, why does her spine break? Just from having a vampire baby? WTF? This whole thing sounds like a fanfic that was mistakenly published.

Exactly. That's exactly fucking what the entire Twilight series is. And all of the screaming fangirls are nothing more than the hollow praise anyone who can string a coherent string of words together on www.fanfiction.net gets. Its sick, I swear to god its sick.

As for the vampire baby, as far as I can tell the reason her spine etc broke is because--wait for it--she trips and falls while pregnant, inducing a miscarage/early birth (author seems to have the two things confused), the placenta rips off (oh yes, you read that right), and causes early labor to set in, or something like that. Since this is a vampire super strength baby, and since she is human, its struggling inside of her causes all kind of damage, including but not limited to, snapped spine, broken ribs and (somehow) broken legs. And lots of vomiting blood.

I would like to remind you at this point that this book is being marketed to ten and eleven year old girls (and boys...but yeah, we all know its mostly girls.) Fucking disgusting. I know I rolled my eyes at people who protested Harry Potter for satanism and shit, but this seems genuinely, really, really bad. Where are all those Christian groups now? Oh yeah, they don't care about the violence or anything else, because the stories ostensibly promote abstinence. Except when the evil, whorey, temptress of a lead female character finally succeeds in seducing the poor, brooding, purity of the vampire boy. But since she gets horribly punished for it in the birth scene (and presumably damned to hell since she is also turned into a soulless undead), the book stays "on message" and is therefore okay.

People who think like that make me sick. Author of this shit included. Speaking of which, I wonder if she is a Fundy...I'll have to look into that because now I'm curious. Also going to the library to get the books, and going to rent the movie, so I'm more directly informed and don't turn into one of those people I hate who rail against things without seeing it for themselves.

EDIT: Well, I discovered she's not a Fundy, she's Mormon. She sucks regardless of religious affiliation though

Edit of edit: I just realized...her main character's name is Bella Swan. Bella Swan. Beautiful Swan. I think I just threw up a little bit in my mouth...ugh.

MOGHARR wrote:

lordsathien wrote: SoldierHawk wrote: The fact that vampires don't go out into the sunlight because they melt or combust or burn, oh no. Vampires don't go out into the sun...because they sparkle "The only sparkling vampires I want to see are the ones I pump full of magnesium rounds." - Me This needs to be in a sig.

Excellent idea, and done. My fast food addiction status will just have to remain a Secret To Everybody for now

Was Anne Rice that bad? I've never read any of the books; I always just assumed her vampires were semi-Dracula like seducers (which is why there seemed to be so much sex in them.) Not so much?