You see that fucking thing!? Look at that horrible, hateful, sonuvabitchin' thing. That wretched visage hails from the ColecoVision port of Sega's 1981 coin-op game, Space Fury, and it's scarred me for life. You see, I was about 3 years old when my dad brought home the ColecoVision Space Fury. I was just getting over my extreme fear of being left alone with video games. What would happen was my parents would play video games and then leave the room. When the attract mode would start, the video games would PLAY BY THEM-FUCKING-SELVES and it scared the shit out of me when I was 2. But now, I was doing okay, I liked video games and I had been playing them for a while. So my dad and I settle into this little cubby hole we used to have the video game TV in, I'm sitting inbetween him and the wall with no means of escape, which is a huge mistake. The innocuous ColevoVision BIOS screen pops up, followed by the standard blue game select screen. All's well so far. My dad hits the 1 key on the Coleco pad and...
OH JESUS MIGHTY MOTHERFUCKING HOLY GODDAMNED CHRIST WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT HORRIBLE THING!? Of course, being only three, I could not yet string together such profanity, so what came out was AAAHHHHHHHH!!!!! TURNITOFFTURNITOFFTURNITOFFTURNITOFF!!!!!!!!!!
But my dad's not quite getting that this thing is scaring several years off of my life and doesn't get up and provide and avenue for me to flee. I close my eyes, but now I notice the incredibly creepy synthesized version of Copland's "Fanfare for the Common Man" oozing from the TV speakers. I cover my ears, but to no avail. I can feel this this reaching out of the TV. Reaching out to get me. And then it's all over. My parents finally figured out that it was the giant alien head that was making me so hysterical, turned the game off and seemed rather amused that that green fucking bastard had me almost literally shitting my pants. "Matt, it's just a game, it can't hurt you," they would say "It's funny, look he says 'Another creature for my amusement.' He he, it's cute." What the FUCK is that supposed to mean!? Another creature for my amusement? Why did you negligent psychopaths bring this menace into our home?
A few tries to get me to watch Space Fury had met with heavy resistance. I wanted no part of the fearsome face of the alien commander. Eventually, my dad got rid of the game. I was safe. Or so I thought. A few years later, my dad picked another copy up from a garage sale. He thought maybe I'd gotten over my trauma and would be more ammenable to amusing this crazy alien thing. I wasn't. "I'll watch you play the game," I told him, "but I'm not looking at that alien head. You tell me when it's over." I'm looking down at the floor and breaking into a cold sweat hearing that awful music. Seriously, what's with all that veiny shit in its head? Video game characters are all supposed to squares and blocks and blobs and shit. What's with all those fucking veins!? Jesus, what the fuck!? The music's stopped. Is it over guys? It is? Don't lie. I know you guys are lying, tell me when it's gone I said. You're really not lying? Promise? Okay.
AAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!! I TOLD YOU TO TELL ME WHEN IT WAS OVER! What is WRONG with you guys!? I bolted from the room at a speed at which I probably could've run a 4 minute mile. Fuck this. That thing was out to get me and my fucking parents were in on it! Fucking lunatics! Don't they know that thing is fucking dangerous!?
It took me about another 10 years before I could sit down and play Space Fury. I was probably 15 then. I still get creeped out by "Fanfare for the Common Man," even when it's played on actual instruments. Sometimes, when I'm walking around in the dark, I fell like that alien is behind me. I need help. Anyone else ever been irretrievably screwed up by a video game?
Ky-Guy
Title: Obscure Nintendo Gamer
Joined: Jul 19 2006
Location: Michigan
Posts: 1418
Posted:
Sep 28 2008 05:54 pm
YOU WERE AN EASY OPPONENT! I'M GOING TO EAT YOUR BRAIN NOW! RAWR!
Syd Lexia wrote:
iPhone games are what you play when you can't get at actual games. You know, like how sometimes alcoholics drink mouthwash.
Lexiabot9000 wrote:
Your love life will be happy and harmonious if you stick to masturbating.
sidewaydriver
2010 SLF Tag Champ
Title: ( ͡� 
Joined: May 11 2008
Posts: 6160
Posted:
Sep 28 2008 07:36 pm
So the best way to get over your fear is to post the same picture of it three times?
Shake it, Quake it, Space Kaboom.
Optimist With Doubts
Title: Titlating
Joined: Dec 17 2007
Posts: 5042
Posted:
Sep 28 2008 08:07 pm
sidewaydriver wrote:
So the best way to get over your fear is to post the same picture of it three times?
]
You have to face your fear head on
Ba'al
Title: Zerg Zergling
Joined: Mar 02 2008
Location: Uranus
Posts: 2286
Posted:
Sep 28 2008 09:08 pm
"Soooo, a creature for my own amusement?"
I liked that game, the only arcade game on Sega Genesis Collection I played alot.
Dr. Jeebus
Moderator
Title: SLF Harbinger of Death
Joined: Sep 03 2005
Location: Wakefield, MA
Posts: 5228
Posted:
Sep 28 2008 10:35 pm
I couldn't even read your post. I was too distracted by the fact that it included the same image 3 times.
The three greatest heels in history...Andy Kaufman, Triple H, and Dr. Jeebus
mjl1783
Joined: Aug 13 2008
Location: Watertown, NY
Posts: 131
Posted:
Sep 29 2008 06:14 am
I figured people would bitch about the image, but it fit the narrative, so I decided to leave it in. In my defense, I don't have a sig, post pictures, or plan to in the future. This was an intense mind-fucking done to me at the hands of ColecoVision, cut me a little slack.
Slayer1
Title: ,,!,, for you know who
Joined: Sep 23 2008
Posts: 4274
Posted:
Sep 29 2008 10:45 am
So... you uh... were scared of a gren alien that talked like a robot? I was more afraid of the Nazi's popping up whenever I turned the corner on Wolfenstein 3D but hey, maybe that giant talking alien thing was scarier then guys with guns screaming in German.
I now bestow upon you the title of Most Awesome Person.
Space Fury
Joined: Sep 29 2008
Posts: 37
Posted:
Sep 29 2008 12:33 pm
mjl1783,
YOU WERE AN EASY OPPONENT.
YOU WERE AN EASY OPPONENT.
Space Fury
Joined: Sep 29 2008
Posts: 37
Posted:
Sep 29 2008 01:00 pm
YOU WERE AN EASY OPPONENT.
YOU WERE AN EASY OPPONENT.
Ky-Guy
Title: Obscure Nintendo Gamer
Joined: Jul 19 2006
Location: Michigan
Posts: 1418
Posted:
Sep 30 2008 11:54 am
Holy shit, I think you're going a little overboard there. XD
Syd Lexia wrote:
iPhone games are what you play when you can't get at actual games. You know, like how sometimes alcoholics drink mouthwash.
Lexiabot9000 wrote:
Your love life will be happy and harmonious if you stick to masturbating.
Space Fury
Joined: Sep 29 2008
Posts: 37
Posted:
Sep 30 2008 12:24 pm
Ky-Guy wrote:
Holy shit, I think you're going a little overboard there. XD
YOU WERE ALSO AN EASY OPPONENT.
YOU WERE AN EASY OPPONENT.
Slayer1
Title: ,,!,, for you know who
Joined: Sep 23 2008
Posts: 4274
Posted:
Sep 30 2008 09:21 pm
HAHA... Bring it On Space Fury! I AM A DIFFICULT OPPONENT!!! Oh and I was about 4 or 5 when we got Wolfenstien 3D... so that's why I'm scarred of Nazi's...
S. McCracken
Moderator
Title: Enforcer
Joined: Aug 22 2005
Location: Massachusetts
Posts: 2171
Posted:
Sep 30 2008 09:53 pm
Slayer1 wrote:
HAHA... Bring it On Space Fury! I AM A DIFFICULT OPPONENT!!! Oh and I was about 4 or 5 when we got Wolfenstien 3D... so that's why I'm scarred of Nazi's...
That's why you're "scarred [sic] of Nazis"? Not because they killed 12 million people?
Space Fury
Joined: Sep 29 2008
Posts: 37
Posted:
Sep 30 2008 10:42 pm
Slayer1 wrote:
HAHA... Bring it On Space Fury! I AM A DIFFICULT OPPONENT!!! Oh and I was about 4 or 5 when we got Wolfenstien 3D... so that's why I'm scarred of Nazi's...
I defeated all opponents in Wolfenstein 3-D before John Carmack coded it.
YOU WILL BE AN EASY OPPONENT.
YOU WERE AN EASY OPPONENT.
MOGHARR
Title: The Original CandyWafer
Joined: Apr 05 2007
Location: Under Jolly Roger
Posts: 2718
Posted:
Oct 01 2008 09:06 pm
Best. Troll. Ever.
"Well I don`t judge most things by graphics, reality has amazing graphics, and I don`t like it, that`s why I play video games." Laminated Sky on Legend of Zelda: The Wind Waker
the_almighty_spehornoob
Joined: Sep 22 2008
Posts: 289
Posted:
Oct 01 2008 10:01 pm
Space Fury wrote:
mjl1783,
YOU WERE AN EASY OPPONENT.
YOUR MOTHER WAS AN EASY LAY.
AND YOU WERE AN EASY OPPONENT.
Adrenaline
Title: Local Canadian!
Joined: Jun 18 2007
Location: Nova Scotia, Canadiana
Posts: 365
Posted:
Oct 01 2008 10:18 pm
Man that thing seems like quite the sexual preditor
FNJ
2010 SLF Tag Champ
Joined: Jun 07 2006
Posts: 12294
Posted:
Oct 19 2008 03:26 am
I am half tempted to ask for permission to repost this.
Blackout
Title: Captain Oblivious
Joined: Sep 01 2007
Location: That Rainy State
Posts: 10376
Posted:
Oct 19 2008 10:52 am
S. McCracken wrote:
Slayer1 wrote:
HAHA... Bring it On Space Fury! I AM A DIFFICULT OPPONENT!!! Oh and I was about 4 or 5 when we got Wolfenstien 3D... so that's why I'm scarred of Nazi's...
That's why you're "scarred [sic] of Nazis"? Not because they killed 12 million people?
username
Title: owner of a lonely heart
Joined: Jul 06 2007
Location: phoenix, az usa
Posts: 16123
Posted:
Oct 19 2008 05:51 pm
Blackout wrote:
S. McCracken wrote:
Slayer1 wrote:
HAHA... Bring it On Space Fury! I AM A DIFFICULT OPPONENT!!! Oh and I was about 4 or 5 when we got Wolfenstien 3D... so that's why I'm scarred of Nazi's...
That's why you're "scarred [sic] of Nazis"? Not because they killed 12 million people?
wtf?! where is that from? lol
Klimbatize wrote:
I'll eat a turkey sandwich while blowing my load
Space Fury
Joined: Sep 29 2008
Posts: 37
Posted:
Oct 19 2008 09:38 pm
the_almighty_spehornoob wrote:
Space Fury wrote:
mjl1783,
YOU WERE AN EASY OPPONENT.
YOUR MOTHER WAS AN EASY LAY.
AND YOU WERE AN EASY OPPONENT.
If you had mated with my mother your penis would have disintegrated in her 4000 degree vagina.
I doubt she would have even noticed you anyways. Your race is pathetic.
And YOU WERE AN EASY OPPONENT.
YOU WERE AN EASY OPPONENT.
ReeperTheSeeker
Joined: Aug 26 2007
Posts: 2752
Posted:
Oct 19 2008 09:42 pm
Is it just me or does the Space Fury look like Captain Packard with some kind of green mutating virus.
Links, pics, vids . . . I shall post these when given the chance
Transformers 2 Review: ". . . Did i mention SHIT BLOWS UP?!!!"
FNJ
2010 SLF Tag Champ
Joined: Jun 07 2006
Posts: 12294
Posted:
Oct 19 2008 10:20 pm
fuck it, I'm reposting this. if homeboy doesn't like it, he can PM me.