Post your own too.

1 People who do not understand the concept of the turn signal, the four way stop, and green means go are to be pulled out of their vehicles and beaten with coat hangers

2 People who inform you that smoking negatively affect your health more than once during a conversation shall be given purple nurples

3 Birthday head is now socially acceptable

4 You are no longer allowed to have a thirty minute conversation about religion with the cashier while I'm trying to order the chicken fried rice.

5 Any one wearing a suit and driving a Lexus that stops in at the Korean corner store to buy Cheetos with a credit card while I'm waiting in line to buy a 40 ouncer with cash will either let me cut ahead in line, or be deported to Somalia

6 People (including family and friends) are no longer allowed to request that I fix their computer free of charge, doing so will result in slapping of the face

7 It is now legal for passengers to drink alcohol in the car

8 anyone who checks their makeup or hair or teeth while driving will be shot

9 people who touch my stereo, beg for a music change, or tell me which direction to go without being consulted will be removed from the car without the benefit of a full stop

10 The following words are banned : statistically, shinola, fpoon, soquid, swangin, hyphy, any thing with an iz in it like dizzope instead of dope, or shiznit instead of shit, and because. Saying LOL or lulz outloud is also punishable by severe wedgie.

11 phrases like I'll rock your dome, you don't even know, and up in this bitch shall not be uttered more than once during a day, using the word like between every word of your rant is punishable by hair pulling and eye poking.

12 any drinking establishment that does not carry malt liquor on tap or in the bottle will be burned down

13 women with orange bottle tan skin and bleached hair will be pelted with rotten fruit

14 if there is only one register open at the supermarket and a line longer than 4 people is present you have the right to walk out with whatever you want.

15 calling people champ, buddy, boss, dude, or sir when you don't know them is pretentious and is now forbidden, as is shoulder slapping or high fiving.

15 police cars will now have a tune similar to the ice cream truck song, that must be played at full volume at all times so you know where they're at.

16 all non habit forming illegal drugs (cannabis mushrooms LSD etc.) will be legalized and taxed to pay for social security, all habit forming drugs (cocaine heroine meth opium ecstasy and PCP) will be reduced to the status that pot and mushrooms once occupied. sale of these drugs will still be strictly monitored controlled enforced and carried out by the United States Government, like it always has been.

17 Plastic surgery will only be allowed for reasons of horrible disfigurement, no more disgusting displays of vanity allowed, and breast implants will banned outright except for cases of breast cancer

18 those who don't understand or appreciate sarcasm will be burnt at the stake

19 the following articles of clothing are hereby banned on pain of wet willies nylon stockings in place of garter belts , capri style sweat pants, pink clothing marketed to men, suits and ties ( except for funerals and fancy cocktail parties) polo shirts, tighy whitey underwear, kurts, guy thongs, pre ripped pants and pre faded jeans, shoes with Velcro, and anything with faux leopard or zebra print.

20 tucking in the shirt is no longer required under any circumstances whatsoever.

21 fast food restaurants that have drive through lanes that never move will be hit with tactical nuclear strikes

22 Security guards will not be allowed to make small talk, doing so is punishable by tobasco sauce in the eye or wasabi snooters, depending on the annoyance level.

23 All Wal Marts will be required to have a herd of wild boars inside the store at all times

24 Target will remove all the red from their stores and replace it with a less aggravating color

25 Employers will no longer be allowed to drug test, or turn away applicants with facial tattoos or funny hair

26 child molesters / rapists will be castrated and be infected with leprosy, and housed in cages so that citizens can poke them with pointy sticks, no attempts at rehabilitation allowed.

27 Any company, person, organization or group that manufactures, distributes, annoying pop ups will be mummified in barbed wire, any internet service provider that allows this sort of traffic on their servers will have their main office building hosed with napalm

28 Commercials are no longer allowed during radio, internet connection will be free, and the media will not be allowed to make shit up or blow small shit out of proportion.

29 People who expect the TV or the internet to babysit their children will have them taken away.

30 Children are no longer permitted to own cell phones, have myspace pages, or watch TV for more than 15 minutes a day, they are required to play outside and ride bikes and use their imagination for at least 6 hours a day, failure to comply will will result in broccoli and spinach for dinner with NO DESSERT!

31 All elections for state county municipal or federal positions will be held on American Idol, only the best singers and dancers will be allowed to run things from now on. (SInce that's what everybody seems to care about.)

32 Celebrity tabloids are hereby forbidden, as is the E channel, the Emmy awards, the Grammys, and any other pageants of idiocy and ego mania.

33 Coddling and babying children in school is not allowed, no more everybody wins soccer games, no more continual re taking of the test until you past, no more everybody is special attitude, it has resulted in a generation more stupid and aimless than usual.

34 Baby boomers are now acceptable targets of mild harassment, up to but not including rude phone calls, snotty service, gouged prices, and slapping upside the back of the head.

35 Anyone who bolts a spoiler onto a rusty Honda or puts a loud muffler on a Toyota will have their vehicle taken away.

36 The bus driver is no longer allowed to tell me I can't eat or drink on the bus, doing so gives me the right to kick them off the bus and drive where ever I'm going. People in wheelchairs who hold everything up because it takes 10 minutes to strap their chair to the floor of the bus must remain in the wheelchair, if they get out of the chair at anytime and sit in a seat they will be thrown from the bus.

37 It is now legal to run over bicyclists who are on the road when there is a sidewalk, jaywalkers are fair game too.

38 Employees at restaurants malls CD stores or anywhere else are no longer permitted to inquire if I'd like to be a member of a certain club or discount clique more than once per a transaction,doing so renders my purchase free of charge.

39 People at the bar who complain about my smoke being dangerous to their health and then drive home in a their car after 13 shots of rum will be shot out of a cannon into a brick wall

40 hospitals and paramedics will no longer render assistance to idiots, jackass stunt imitators, dare devils, and people playing with fireworks are now on their own.

Agreed.

(Great, eventually I'll be shanked by King. )

I once saw an old Korean lady get so frustrated during a gigantic rush of customers that she started SLAMMING the deucers of steel reserve into the customer's bag so hard that one of the shattered and sprayed glass and stinky malt liquor all over the customer, it was awesome.

nihilisticglee wrote:

Blackout wrote: 37 It is now legal to run over bicyclists who are on the road when there is a sidewalk, jaywalkers are fair game too. Just wanted to point out that it is illegal for a bike to be used on the sidewalk. I don't think it is enforced, but still. Also Quote: 16 all non habit forming illegal drugs (cannabis mushrooms LSD etc.) will be legalized and taxed to pay for social security, all habit forming drugs (cocaine heroine meth opium ecstasy and PCP) will be reduced to the status that pot and mushrooms once occupied. sale of these drugs will still be strictly monitored controlled enforced and carried out by the United States Government, like it always has been. I feel the need to point out that there haven't been enough studies to prove just how harmful mushrooms are to the human body, while LSD risks trapping you in a state where you do nothing but see weird and mostly traumatizing things for the rest of your life as well as giving you permanent brain damage, and Cannabis can be habit forming. Quote: 26 child molesters / rapists will be castrated and be infected with leprosy, and housed in cages so that citizens can poke them with pointy sticks, no attempts at rehabilitation allowed. This doesn't solve the problem at all. A fun fact is most child molesters and rapists have been victims themselves, and should probably be subject to an attempt at treatment before massive amounts of torture.

Keep in mind this was an angry rant of mine from a very old blog and was not very well thought out, and is not serious in any way shape or form.

add ons!

41 The law that requires bicyclists to ride in traffic and stay off the sidewalk is hereby repealed, and bicyclists are now to keep on the side walks.Any pedestrians who can't get out of the way fast enough and don't like it are now banned from the sidewalk.

42 IF someone is irresponsible enough to fry their brains while experimenting with drugs they will be given little books of stickers to sell at the bus station, failure to buy one for a dollar will mark you as a jerk, and you will be required to wear a t shirt proclaiming such.

43 Since I don't believe that being a victim is an excuse for becoming a victimizer, but I do realize that it's an unfair screwed up world we live in the following rule will tacked on to rule 26. Anyone convicted of the aforementioned crimes / activities who has been proven to be a victim of them in the past will receive two years group hug cry all the time therapy before being sentenced to their horribly barbaric punishment.

44 Victimizer is now an official word in the English language, and shall be bestowed upon the first awesome unnamed Death Metal band that pops up.

Cam-win wrote:

4. If you're twelve, don't sit on the floor of a Borders in front of the video game strategy guide section, purposely barring peoples' path to the strategy guides, and then look up and smile at me when I cough (and when I cough, I'm implying that you should get the hell out of my way). That is all.

45 It is now perfectly ok to kick children who are in the way, if they are not in the way but are being annoying in any way shape or fashion then a light cuff to the back of the head is called for.