Back in November of 1968, a child was born in Brooklyn. The name given to him at the time of his birth was Russell Tyrone Jones, but the world would come to know him by a different name; The Ol’ Dirty Bastard, master of the hip-hop, member of the Wu, and in my personal opinion, one of the greatest writers that has ever walked the face of the Earth. Many folks would argue that some other guy, by the name of William Shakespeare, was in fact, the greatest writer of all time and a master of the English language. But to these poor dumb sonsabitches I say; “Niggas catchin headaches, what? What? You need aspirin?”, a marvellous quote from the ODB song “Brooklyn Zoo”. Let’s take a few moments and examine the works of both Shakespeare and the Big Baby Jesus himself, ODB, and we will try to find out WHO is really the cream of the crop. Was Ol' Dirt Dog just another MC talking shit? Or was he perhaps the greatest fucking poet that ever lived? You be the Judge.
The following lyrics are taken from the song “Hippa To Da Hoppa” by ODB:
"My beats are slammin from the rugged programming
My man Bob Marley hey my man I'm Jammin
You could never touch the stamina, while I'm rammin the
Hip-hop crowd makes me rrrah rrrah rrrah”
Wow, just WOW. You see, what Mr. Jones is saying here is that the instrumentals upon which he lays down his words, his rhymes if you will, are literally ‘Slamming’, due to the ‘Rugged’ way in which they were programmed and carefully constructed so that they could perfectly match his wit and emotion! He then makes a reference to the well-known reggae song “Jamming” by Bob Marley, who ODB says is 'his man’, clearly letting Jamaicans and Rastafarians around the world know that he LOVES and SUPPORTS their community. ODB ends this verse by telling us that his stamina cannot be touched by anyone. Only HE can last the longest and twist and tangle words in such a way that it causes him to make wild noises and scream “Rrrah, rrrah, rrrah!” Pure genius.
Now let’s check out some of the mush-mouthed garble that ol’ Billy Shakespeare blurted out way back when:
“A fool thinks himself to be wise, but a wise man knows himself to be a fool”
Hm. I think Willy Shake-Shake had a bit too much to fucking drink when he scribbled down this nonsense. What I’m hearing is; ‘Dumb people think they are smart, but smart people know they are dumb as shit’. What the fuck does that even mean? So I guess the world’s top scientists, who are working day and night to develop cures for horrible diseases, KNOW that they are nothing more than bumbling, babbling fools who have no intelligence whatsoever? And I guess the village moron, staggering down the street, drooling all over himself and burping the alphabet THINKS he is one of the smartest people in the world? ODB 1 Shakespeare 0
Here are some lyrics from the ODB classic “Raw Hide”:
"You're a crossbreed, I'm a knowledge seed
I want ACTION, that's what I need
I never put doubt in my mind
Cause I know when I touch the mic there's the rhyme
See murder which is caused
When you fuck with the negative and positive charge
Then they came up, out my garage
With the hit that's gonna be LARGE”
Dirt Dog tells us here that we--the listeners, have the mental capacity of mutts and mongrels or “Crossbreeds” with inferior intellect, and HE, being a master of the English language and the most skilled writer to ever jot down a sentence, is a seed of PURE KNOWLEDGE who is always growing and blossoming, taking his life experiences and turning them into hit songs and legendary poems that speak to the mind & soul of mankind itself. He never doubts himself, but instead approaches the microphone with confidence, knowing he will always impress and inspire his audience. Death is the penalty for insulting Dirt Dog. He deserves our respect and will not tolerate being mocked or taunted by those who fail to grasp the wisdom he bestows upon them. Finally, he tells us that even in a small space similar to that of a garage, he is able to make BIG things happen and produce a “Hit” or another beautiful poem, which he then is willing to share with the world. I honestly get the chills just reading this.
Next up, we have this confusing, jumbled-up heap of silliness from Shakespeare:
“If you prick us do we not bleed? If you tickle us do we not laugh? If you poison us do we not die? And if you wrong us shall we not revenge?”
Gee, thanks so much Captain OBVIOUS for letting us all know that if you cut someone they bleed. No shit! I didn’t think anything would happen! Thanks for letting us know that tickling someone usually results in laughter, I have never seen a person laugh WOW! I got another couple sentences I would like to add, ready? Here I go, I’m Shakespeare see?
“If you kick me, it might hurt! If you push me down a flight of stairs, I might break my fucking arms and legs! If you soak me in gasoline and then throw a lit match on me, I will burst into flames! And if you shoot me in the face with a shotgun, my brains might splatter all over the room and ruin the furniture!”
This guy isn't the sharpest knife in the drawer is he? Since when does stating the obvious make you the world's greatest poet? Hey! Look the sky is blue and the clouds are white! Real impressive shit there Bill… NOT!
Honestly, I could do this all day long, but it doesn’t take more than a couple excerpts from ODB’s powerful lyrics to blow Shakespeare’s idiotic mumbo-jumbo completely out of the water. I think we all know who the master is here; Mr. Russell ‘Dirt Dog’ Jones, better known as the Ol’ Dirty Bastard of the Wu-Tang motherfucking Clan! William who? Shakes what? I think Dirt McGirt said it best when he said:
"The dog piss on MC’s like trees, Got meals but still grill that old good welfare cheese"
You see? Even though he was a genius, he was still one of us. He wasn’t afraid to eat welfare cheese, although he could afford high-quality food, and that says a lot about his character. ODB was one in a million, maybe the last TRUE humanist. Your thoughts?
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http://akiraisler.wordpress.com
