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A Big Article Describing Ocular Xcess


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The Opponent
Title: Forum Battle WINNER
Joined: Feb 24 2010
Location: The Danger Zone
PostPosted: Jun 15 2013 01:31 am Reply with quote Back to top

http://www.sydlexia.com/abadox.htm

I've heard a lot about this game for some reason in the last three years.

But maybe it's the year-long delay, but a lot of the jokes feel shoehorned in and only tangential at best to the game being reviewed.


I'm not a bad enough dude, but I am an edgy little shit. I'll do what I can.
 
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Blackout
Title: Captain Oblivious
Joined: Sep 01 2007
Location: That Rainy State
PostPosted: Jun 15 2013 04:44 am Reply with quote Back to top

I was inspired to scribble a thrash metal style Abadox logo on some of my paperwork, but then I had to get back to work, so it looks pretty halfassed. I might try to make a better one when I'm not busy.
Image



 
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username
Title: owner of a lonely heart
Joined: Jul 06 2007
Location: phoenix, az usa
PostPosted: Jun 15 2013 06:23 am Reply with quote Back to top

typo:
Quote:
Abadox takes in the year 5012, because why not?

should be Abadox takes place in the year 5012, because why not?

also, image http://www.sydlexia.com/imagesandstuff/abadox/Abadox1081.png is broken.

its right after talking about the level 5 minibosses.


Klimbatize wrote:
I'll eat a turkey sandwich while blowing my load

 
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Syd Lexia
Site Admin
Title: Pop Culture Junkie
Joined: Jul 30 2005
Location: Wakefield, MA
PostPosted: Jun 15 2013 06:29 am Reply with quote Back to top

Fixed and fixed.
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i'll_bite_your_ear
Title: Distillatoria
Joined: Jun 09 2010
Location: a von down by the river
PostPosted: Jun 15 2013 07:24 am Reply with quote Back to top

Great article Syd! Keep em coming.


it was the best of times
it was the blurst of times
 
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username
Title: owner of a lonely heart
Joined: Jul 06 2007
Location: phoenix, az usa
PostPosted: Jun 15 2013 07:32 am Reply with quote Back to top

i dug the article.

also, was this article supposed to replace one of the locked articles? or are those still a work in progress?


Klimbatize wrote:
I'll eat a turkey sandwich while blowing my load

 
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Syd Lexia
Site Admin
Title: Pop Culture Junkie
Joined: Jul 30 2005
Location: Wakefield, MA
PostPosted: Jun 15 2013 07:44 am Reply with quote Back to top

Those are still a work in progress. It did replace Hitler though.
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HardcoreGamer4Ever
Title: I Am The God Of Awesome
Joined: Jun 28 2010
Location: Your Mom's Vagina!
PostPosted: Jun 15 2013 12:58 pm Reply with quote Back to top

Hold on, new article? For some reason, It wasn't on the front page when I checked. Well, I'm gonna check it out.


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JohnnyBenz
Title: The nip killer
Joined: Feb 08 2013
Location: Northeast MS
PostPosted: Jun 15 2013 01:14 pm Reply with quote Back to top

The article was fucking awesome!!! And the 14th was my birthday nonetheless! Gee, thanks Syd! I guess Syd has an 'eye' for details. Heh
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HardcoreGamer4Ever
Title: I Am The God Of Awesome
Joined: Jun 28 2010
Location: Your Mom's Vagina!
PostPosted: Jun 15 2013 01:26 pm Reply with quote Back to top

Great Article, Syd! It was well worth the wait. One thing, in the last paragraph, it says "it's completely uncharacteristic of the sort of stuff Nintendo of America was usually want to approve for the NES."


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jprime
Title: Ex-GameWinners
Joined: Jan 27 2008
Location: Southern Ontario
PostPosted: Jun 15 2013 01:54 pm Reply with quote Back to top

Quote:
An entire fleet of ships failed to stop Parasitis, do you:


Quote:
A) Jettison from your ship and attack a giant planet monster with nothing but a jetpack and a dinky little laser gun.


Quote:
While our Contra experience dictates that the spread shot is always the best weapon, the spread shot seems to be fairly underpowered in this game.


Quote:
He jumps and he shoots diamonds.


Quote:
What, you didn't know planets had mouths?


Quote:
Mouths filled with sharp teeth and off-brand Cheep Cheeps.


Quote:
Along with the perspective change, we have new enemies.


Quote:
In fact, what the fuck they're even supposed to be is beyond me.


Quote:
No, the best part of this level is that blood-soaked arms emerge from the walls and try and grab you.


Quote:
One scale of 1 to JESUS CHRIST MAKE IT STOP, this thing is slightly more horrifying than the first level's boss.


Quote:
How are we supposed to remember that if we're not showing exciting futuristic technology that's so fucking advanced, we can't even begin to speculate on its precise functionality?


Quote:
Our feeble modern brains, lacking nearly three thousand years of evolution, can't possibly comprehend such things.


Quote:
Oftentimes, you will find yourself in a situation where all you can do is choose *how* you die: death by bullet, death by wall collision, or death by enemy collision.


Quote:
Yes, you get an upgradeable shield that helps deflect bullets, and there's an invincibility power-up that protects you from a few direct bullets, but they both dissipate quickly in sticky situations.


Quote:
It fires the diamonds at you and flails lobster claws in your general direction.


Quote:
Oh snap, take that, guys who aren't me.


Quote:
I totally found the clitoris, and I did it the same way I beat the original Metroid: trial and error, and lots of hand-drawn maps.


Oh, how I missed doing this. I also miss screenshot captions, but whatever.

And Syd, I may have said this before, but there was no need to get rid of the Hitler list. Those placeholders, on the other hand...
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UsaSatsui
Title: The White Rabbit
Joined: May 25 2008
Location: Hiding
PostPosted: Jun 15 2013 02:07 pm Reply with quote Back to top

FunFact - originally, that lady you saved at the end was nekkid.
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Syd Lexia
Site Admin
Title: Pop Culture Junkie
Joined: Jul 30 2005
Location: Wakefield, MA
PostPosted: Jun 15 2013 02:20 pm Reply with quote Back to top

Blackout wrote:
I was inspired to scribble a thrash metal style Abadox logo on some of my paperwork, but then I had to get back to work, so it looks pretty halfassed. I might try to make a better one when I'm not busy.
Image

I'll add it tonight!
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HardcoreGamer4Ever
Title: I Am The God Of Awesome
Joined: Jun 28 2010
Location: Your Mom's Vagina!
PostPosted: Jun 15 2013 03:03 pm Reply with quote Back to top

Logan wrote:
Great Article, Syd! It was well worth the wait. One thing, in the last paragraph, it says "it's completely uncharacteristic of the sort of stuff Nintendo of America was usually want to approve for the NES."

It should say something like "it's completely uncharacteristic of what Nintendo of America usually wanted to approve for the NES."


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JoshWoodzy
Joined: May 22 2008
Location: Goshen, VA
PostPosted: Jun 15 2013 04:03 pm Reply with quote Back to top

The print ad for the game used to run in Archie Comics and I remember parents complaining it was too gross or graphic. It sure creeped me out as a kid.

Image


Image
 
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username
Title: owner of a lonely heart
Joined: Jul 06 2007
Location: phoenix, az usa
PostPosted: Jun 15 2013 04:08 pm Reply with quote Back to top

Logan wrote:
Logan wrote:
Great Article, Syd! It was well worth the wait. One thing, in the last paragraph, it says "it's completely uncharacteristic of the sort of stuff Nintendo of America was usually want to approve for the NES."

It should say something like "it's completely uncharacteristic of what Nintendo of America usually wanted to approve for the NES."

unless he meant WONT instead of WANT


Klimbatize wrote:
I'll eat a turkey sandwich while blowing my load

 
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Syd Lexia
Site Admin
Title: Pop Culture Junkie
Joined: Jul 30 2005
Location: Wakefield, MA
PostPosted: Jun 15 2013 05:36 pm Reply with quote Back to top

Yeah, I meant wont. I'm glad you guys liked this. It's been well, a year, since I successfully wrote anything start to finish and I wasn't sure if I could still do it and have it be enjoyable.
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Blackout
Title: Captain Oblivious
Joined: Sep 01 2007
Location: That Rainy State
PostPosted: Jun 15 2013 07:42 pm Reply with quote Back to top

I wanted the letters closer together, like this, but I can't seem to decide if I should leave the interiors of the letters blank, or what.

What do y'all think?

Image



 
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Syd Lexia
Site Admin
Title: Pop Culture Junkie
Joined: Jul 30 2005
Location: Wakefield, MA
PostPosted: Jun 16 2013 07:24 am Reply with quote Back to top

I can't decide either. I think I could decide better if you added the holes so I could see it with and without.
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i'll_bite_your_ear
Title: Distillatoria
Joined: Jun 09 2010
Location: a von down by the river
PostPosted: Jun 16 2013 07:30 am Reply with quote Back to top

Its really hard to read it this way.


it was the best of times
it was the blurst of times
 
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The Opponent
Title: Forum Battle WINNER
Joined: Feb 24 2010
Location: The Danger Zone
PostPosted: Jun 16 2013 12:01 pm Reply with quote Back to top

While it's nice that we finally got a new article, we still never got the sequel to the 15 Bullshit NES Game Endings. Next month, it will be three years overdue.


I'm not a bad enough dude, but I am an edgy little shit. I'll do what I can.
 
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Syd Lexia
Site Admin
Title: Pop Culture Junkie
Joined: Jul 30 2005
Location: Wakefield, MA
PostPosted: Jun 16 2013 12:21 pm Reply with quote Back to top

I think I have a preliminary outline for that somewhere. Unless I deleted it.

We'll see. I find of I don't seize upon an idea when it's new in my mind, finishing it becomes a chore.
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jprime
Title: Ex-GameWinners
Joined: Jan 27 2008
Location: Southern Ontario
PostPosted: Jun 16 2013 12:36 pm Reply with quote Back to top

Then I guess now would also be a bad time to ask about Happy Meal Prizes, Round 2.
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Syd Lexia
Site Admin
Title: Pop Culture Junkie
Joined: Jul 30 2005
Location: Wakefield, MA
PostPosted: Jun 16 2013 05:35 pm Reply with quote Back to top

I would actually love to do another Happy Meal article. Playing with old school toys is always fun. Maybe I will.
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JohnnyBenz
Title: The nip killer
Joined: Feb 08 2013
Location: Northeast MS
PostPosted: Jun 16 2013 08:50 pm Reply with quote Back to top

I would also love to see more bullshit endings on the NES. But really, I would be happy with anything.
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