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Posted: Aug 04 2011 07:27 pm

So. Long story and I apologize ahead of time.

Backstory: Back in 2004 I joined the Navy did Basic, then Went to my first ship. Ended up with a bunch of shitbags in my division who would cut corners and whatever. I've always been the guy to call people out on their shit when they fuck up. I'm lower rank at the time and caught a lot of flack for it. I was singled out for calling them out, had my rack fucked with, and verbally insulted again and again.

Fast forward about 6 months and one of the guys in my Division, last name Zier, comes back from school. He sees the fuck ups, and agrees with me, and has enough rank to battle back. So Zier started to watch out for me, took me under his wing, and mentored me into the Sailor I am today. I honestly Believe that.

Anyway, in 2006, Zier was speeding on a Motorcycle and hit the back of a Car. Flipped off the bike and was killed on Impact. I took it really hard. One reason why, was because he wanted me to go out with him that night, I told him no, he tried again and again, and I finally told him I wasn't going out. He would have taken his car, so wouldn't have been on his Bike. I understand it's not really my fault and every man Makes his own Decisions. I was a wreck for a good couple of weeks after that.

Zier was Married. had 2 Kids and his wife was Pregnant his his 3rd kid when he died.

Fast forward to today. 5 years later, out of the blue, his Widowed Wife texts me asking if I would talk to her kids when they get older and tell them about what kind of a Man he was while he was in the Navy. They are getting to the age where they are starting to ask questions.

It dug up a lot of buried feelings I have where I feel responsible again, EVEN though I know its not my fault. That whole "What would have happened if I would have went with him? He would have taken his Car instead of his Bike. Maybe he would still be alive today." Honestly, today was the first time I've cried in a long time.

Being honored with telling his Kids about how much of an awesome guy he was, and mixed with feeling guilty again. I'm just kind of a ball of fuck today.

Anyway. Just needed to Vent. Thanks for taking the time to read this.

Posted: Aug 04 2011 07:31 pm

What a terrible honor to have. I've never experienced anything like this, and can't even imagine how you must feel, even after the years have passed. Thanks for sharing, and I hope you can find the words.

Wizard Joined: Jun 12 2009 Posts: 4209

Whatever you decide to do, I hope it makes you feel better. That's a heavy burden to carry.

Posted: Aug 04 2011 08:44 pm

hey man. anytime you need to vent, feel free to do it. especially on a heavy topic like this.

Posted: Aug 04 2011 09:50 pm

Thanks for the support guys. Seriously.

Posted: Aug 04 2011 10:03 pm

That man sounds like a real hero. I wish I had someone in high school who agreed with anything I said. I had someone like that for half of my first year, but he transferred out and I haven't heard from him since. I sincerely believe I would have been a much more positive person than I am now had he stuck around (my high school was populated by every brand of unsavory folks). It's not exactly the same, but I do understand this situation completely. Honor him the best way you know how.

Joined: Dec 06 2007 Location: Connecticut Posts: 11244

As far as the guilt goes, I can understand why you think you should feel guilty, but there were a million things that could have occurred leading up to your friend's death. He could have not sped. The other driver could have left 30 second earlier or later. The gas tank could have been closer to empty and he chose to drive the car. In the end though things aligned in such a way that he tragically lost his life. It is a sad fact that will forever be a memory for you, but you are not responsible for his death.

It is a blessing that you were able to see a good man act with dignity and honor and one day will be able to share those truths with his children. It may not make up for his absence to them, but it will certainly be meaningful. You honor his memory in the best way you can by sharing what you remember about a good man.

I wish you the best as you deal with this difficult subject.

Posted: Aug 05 2011 12:07 am

Those are very lucky kids to have someone who loves and respects their father so much to tell them what kind of a man he was.

And, it speaks very, VERY much to the kind of man you are that his wife would ask you to speak to his children about him. Well done sir.

Posted: Aug 05 2011 01:56 am

You can't blame yourself for that. Sad

Posted: Aug 05 2011 05:42 am

Maybe if you took the car both of you would have been dead now.

Posted: Aug 05 2011 06:01 am

I don't really know what to say, other than I'm positive you'll handle this challenge with skill and grace.