A Percocet fueled rant about X-Men: First Class


The Percocet that I was prescribed for my toothache is kicking in, so this might not be as coherent as I'd like it to be. That means it will be more entertaining for you to read. Enjoy my pain. Assholes.

In the year 2000 something wonderful came to theaters: a live action X-Men movie. Ten billion cries of agony were heard across the globe as girlfriends everywhere were dragged to the local multiplex against their will.

It really wasn't that good, but as far as live action films based on comic books go, it was more entertaining than Blade, but not as compelling as Archie: Return To Riverdale.


I bet you though I was fucking with you about this.

Three years later a sequel would come out. A sequel that was better than the original in every single way. Every three years after THAT, a movie would come out that makes me want to slam my testicles in a car door... Or a garage door... Anything that will help me forget the pain, really.

This June the cycle of hurt will jump up a year with the release of X-Men: First Class, a prequel, because it was impossible to continue the series with numbered sequels after the travesty that was X-Men III: The Last Stand. Will it be somewhat watchable, so that the healing process can begin? Probably not, if the Superbowl trailer is any indication...



Now in my opinion, the film makers could have gone one of two ways. They could have...

A - Made a film about the original team (Jean, Cyclops, Beast, Angel).
This would have been difficult, considering X-Men III kind of shit all over Angel's backstory. I'd also love to know the explanation on where Beast has been chilling during the time between First Class and The Last Stand.

They could have bent things a bit and made it about the formation of the team from the first film (Storm, Jean, Cyclops), making it a direct prequel and nicely building itself a place in the timeline of the established trilogy.


The REAL First Class.

Or... B - Made a film about the newer class of X-Men (Pixie, Rockslide, Hellion, ect.) instead.
Without going the way of a prequel, this would have been a way to try and continue the series "safely." Considering most of the main cast have been incapacitated or killed off by the end of the third X-Film, this would have provided some "buffer" time to start writing characters back in so that they could be used for a fourth movie.

An official numbered sequel would never get off the ground without the heavy hitting characters to support it, and considering this series won't survive forever on prequels, this is a much more creative way than the inevitable reboot.


Yeah, the team with X-23 that ISN'T X-Force.

It would be easy to do this. Comic book characters are written back into continuity all the time. I have no doubts that fans would embrace it if it gave them back the characters worth watching (I.E. Not Halle Berry) and did so in a way that was more than "LOL I'm bak!"

You cannot mix and match from both ideas, which seems to be what First Class is doing, with a little sprinkling of "whatever the fuck we felt like making up along the way" sprinkled on top. It's stupid and makes no sense to me. Nightcrawler's dad was one of the original X-Men now? Why was that necessary?


They've got "hero" written all over them. It's under the layer that says "douche".

It's especially frustrating for a continuity whore like myself because aside from pack-picking their stable of characters with the storytelling equivalent of a blogspot popularity poll, they're even going so far as to take characters who they've already misplaced, and misplacing them again!

Deadpool's rape aside, Origins: Wolverine can still work as a prequel to the trilogy, but First Class will be the third time they've redone Emma Frost's Character in as many movies. if you are going to use a character differently for your interpretation, that's fine. I'll live with it. I survived Uwe Boll's rendition of Jack Carver. There is nothing you can do that's as emotionally damaging as that, but at least stick to your own continuity. It's not only irresponsible, but disrespectful to your own work to just completely disregard your own groundwork so easily.


Guess what? He's the bad guy!

I am constantly lead to disappointment when it comes to X-Men movies. This leaves me at a loss for an explanation, considering comic books, especially ones with decades of rich backstory to work with like the X-Books, shouldn't be that hard to adapt into a fairly decent Sci-Fi action movie.

I am trying to reserve total judgement until after I see the film, in case I am pleasantly surprised by First Class, like I was with X-2, but that doesn't mean that I'm hopeful. They could have really done some awesome work with this series, but it just seems like they choose not to care. Fuck it, the nerds will keep paying for it anyway, right?

I think an X-Men prequel could have been kinda interesting, but not with the way they are going here. There is a lot that happened in the comics before the "fight the Government for equality" angle that gets showcased the most in mainstream media. Unfortunately, much like Paul W.S. Anderson's Resident Evil, it's easier to just do whatever you want with a movie property than it is to try and make something faithful and compelling.