sidewaydriver wrote:

Seriously, just about every girl has her rape story. I like the ones that always want to bring it up somehow but never want to talk about it.

Oh yeah. Remind me to tell you mine sometime. I usually only trot it out at parties when I want attention, but for you, Sideways, I'll make an exception.

I don't think it's a rape thing, Knyte. Plenty of people of both sexes concoct all kind of bullshit stories in order to gain sympathy and/or pats on the back. Rape just happens to be one of the most serious crimes out there as you noted, and can pretty easily ruin the life of the person falsely accused, so its a lot more serious when someone makes up that kind of accusation. That's all.

I will say that, as much as a false accusation can fuck up a guy's life, there is a *lot* of stigma attached to a woman who accuses said guy of rape, too. It's never happened to me thank god, but I have watched the fallout from the sidelines. And based on what I've seen, I'm not all that certain I'd want to report it either. Exhibit A would be that a lot of the attitudes expressed in this thread are held by a LOT of people, guys and girls, out there. Not PLEASE please please understand I am in NO way passing judgment or looking down on anything that anyone has said. Seriously. Understand that before I go any further. We cool? Good.

Most rape (and therefore rape victims) you're going to come across aren't the kind you see in the movies, where some big, scary stranger forces the poor innocent victim into an alley and then has his way with her. Its much more often a situation like the one Knyte describes. (Or, worse yet, the aggressor is a friend or relative. I don't have the statistics at my fingertips, but I do know for a fact that, in the same way you're much more likely to be murdered by a family member or someone you know, a girl (or guy, but we all know it usually a girl) is far more likely to be raped by a family member or someone she knows.)

So lets think about this from her point of view. You've just been gang raped by three guys because you were drunk and stupid. Do you go to the cops? You could, but then you're going to be subjected to all kinds of absolutely humiliating questions and medical exams that will, in all likelihood, do nothing to help catch the guys who did this to you. Then the cops will probably interview plenty of people you know--especially whatever friends you were out with that night--so word is going to get around about what happened. Then you become "that girl who got raped." Are people going to be sympathetic? Sure, some will. But its far more likely that the attitude is going to be, "well you got in the car, you had it coming." "You were drunk. What a stupid thing to do." Or, and this is the worst of all, "bah, she just wants attention. She's probably making it up."

So the choice presented is pretty much subject yourself to public humiliation in the hopes that the people who did this might get caught (in which case they'll either plea bargain, or you'll have to testify at their trial (and Jesus Christ what a nightmare that would be for any rape victim), or you can just shut up about it and go on with your life.

Now, is this scenario the case for every rape victim who goes to the police? No, of course not. But some variation on that theme is certainly a possibility, and when you've been violated and traumatized and aren't thinking terribly straight, the temptation to just try and put it behind you (especially if you didn't know the guys and couldn't identify them anyway) would be very, very strong indeed.

Now Knyte, I have no idea if your friend is making it up or not. Could she be? Absolutely. Do some women make up rape stories in order to get attention, or to get back at a guy whose life they want to fuck up? Without question. The above is just a way I imagine it could have played out, and my theory on why some women might not want to go to the police when something like that happens. Take it for whatever you feel it's worth.