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jackfrost
Title: Cold Hearted Bastard
Joined: Feb 21 2009
Posts: 861
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The Mario deadbeat dad thing was something that I never thought about until you mentioned it. That entire article was awesome.
Also, you were pretty damn mature as a child.
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| It is a place where nubile young women engage in tickle fights and practice kissing each other to make sure that their lipstick doesn't smudge later on, when they're kissing me. This is the vision I used to have of the ladies' room. It was a pleasant vision, and I enjoyed it. And then, in fourth grade, I played Deja Vu. |
I was playing with action figures and playing video games in the fourth grade. I wasn't fantasizing about bisexual women practicing kissing in the ladies' room so they could pleasure me better. You are one manly bastard.
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 [img]http://i177.photobucket.com/albums/w204/akajackfrost/megaman.jpg[/img] |
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Arlock41
Title: Naunie
Joined: Dec 07 2008
Posts: 1026
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I was a tuna head and Put Weird Ed's hamster in the microwave.
It probably would tasted like chicken.
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Syd Lexia
Site Admin
Title: Pop Culture Junkie
Joined: Jul 30 2005
Location: Wakefield, MA
Posts: 24882
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| jackfrost wrote: |
| I was playing with action figures and playing video games in the fourth grade. I wasn't fantasizing about bisexual women practicing kissing in the ladies' room so they could pleasure me better. You are one manly bastard. |
WSBK and WLVI, two local non-network affiliated TV stations (back when such things existed!) used to run heavily edited versions of R movies on Friday nights and all weekend. So I had seen parts of Zapped, Porky's, Revenge of the Nerds, and all sorts of other teen sex comedies. Zapped was a particular favorite of WLVI, possibly because they aired syndicated episodes of Charles In Charge. Due to the nature of the television edits, my understanding of sex went something like this:
Kissing
Stripping down to nothing but underwear
More Kissing
???
Smoking in bed
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Atma
Title: Dragoon
Joined: Apr 29 2010
Location: Cincinnati, OH
Posts: 2450
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| Syd Lexia wrote: |
Due to the nature of the television edits, my understanding of sex went something like this:
Kissing
Stripping down to nothing but underwear
More Kissing
???
Smoking in bed |
Better than my understanding as a child. My cousin (I know where you think this is going, and its not as bad) gave me the birds/bee's talk using a Leonardo Ninja Turtle Action Figure, and an April Action Figure as a Visual Aid. It more consisted of "This is what I want to do to April" and I connected the dots from there.
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Slayer1
Title: ,,!,, for you know who
Joined: Sep 23 2008
Posts: 4274
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| Atma84 wrote: |
| Syd Lexia wrote: |
Due to the nature of the television edits, my understanding of sex went something like this:
Kissing
Stripping down to nothing but underwear
More Kissing
???
Smoking in bed |
Better than my understanding as a child. My cousin (I know where you think this is going, and its not as bad) gave me the birds/bee's talk using a Leonardo Ninja Turtle Action Figure, and an April Action Figure as a Visual Aid. It more consisted of "This is what I want to do to April" and I connected the dots from there. |
Beat me with both on that one. I never got the talk, instead my brothers Penthouse Magazine and Hustler Magazine fell and hit me on the head one night (we had bunk beds) and the next morning, I went through it and was like "oh... so they actually have something there"
Anyways that was a great article Syd, I never noticed the Newspaper print in Punchout, but I did find the Cat Anus a little too much when I first played Dragon Warrior.
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UsaSatsui
Title: The White Rabbit
Joined: May 25 2008
Location: Hiding
Posts: 7565
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| Syd Lexia wrote: |
| WSBK and WLVI, two local non-network affiliated TV stations (back when such things existed!) |
I'm pretty sure WSBK is still unaffiliated. It used to be the UPN network before they merged. And I remember that, actually.
Anyways, nice list. And yes, as someone who has had to clean them, women's restrooms are -way- nastier than men's ones.
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jprime
Title: Ex-GameWinners
Joined: Jan 27 2008
Location: Southern Ontario
Posts: 6718
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I distinctly recall seeing anus in both StarTropics games.
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Ross Rifle
Title: Rock N Roll God
Joined: Oct 29 2006
Location: Chilliwack, BC
Posts: 4844
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Great article Syd. I lol'd.
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sidewaydriver
2010 SLF Tag Champ
Title: ( ͡� 
Joined: May 11 2008
Posts: 6160
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Hey, your facebook thing worked!
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Shake it, Quake it, Space Kaboom. |
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Kubo
Joined: Aug 24 2005
Location: Mount Holly, NJ
Posts: 1062
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Excellent article- well done 
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Thou, because I am wroth, be not dismayed, for I shall win the strife, whoever circle round within for the defence. This their insolence is not new, for of old they used it at a less secret gate, which still is found without a bolt. Above it thou didst see the dead inscription; and already on this side of it
descends the steep, passing without escort through the circles,
One such that by him the city shall be opened to us. |
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Blackout
Title: Captain Oblivious
Joined: Sep 01 2007
Location: That Rainy State
Posts: 10376
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I knew most of these, but that dragon warrior cat anus thing is seriously wtf. 
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Klimbatize
2010 NES Champ
Title: 2011 Picnic/Death Champ
Joined: Mar 15 2010
Location: Las Vegas, NV
Posts: 4996
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Great article as always, Syd. The most haunting visual for me from the NES days has always been Super Macho Man's breasts, hands down. It was so confusing for a young boy.
A minor correction, it's one of the dog's ears that gets slammed in the door in A Christmas Story, not a tongue.
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Thorton02
Joined: Mar 13 2009
Location: Arlington
Posts: 467
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Great Article Syd. However, in A Christmas Story, I'm pretty sure that Ralphy's father slammed the door on one of Bumpus' dog's ears, not their tongue. They were hound dogs with long ears, and the ear was stuck in the door while the dog was howling.
I'm with you on the tongue thing though.
Edit: Damnit. Klimbatize beat me too it.
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No, I don't think I will fuck Stummies. |
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Syd Lexia
Site Admin
Title: Pop Culture Junkie
Joined: Jul 30 2005
Location: Wakefield, MA
Posts: 24882
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I was about 50/50 on that. I couldn't find the DVD to check and Google and YouTube were no help.
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Rycona
Moderator
Title: The Maestro
Joined: Nov 01 2005
Location: Away from Emerald Weapon
Posts: 2815
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Great article, Syd. I almost felt bad actually putting the hamster in the microwave, but I usually do things like that to test the bounds of the programming. Also, with the Mario issue, I always thought he traveled around with the WVBA to find his own father. I figured he tried out in boxing to feel like a man, since his father was never around to teach him how to be a real one, but he wasn't very good at it so he became a referee.
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RIP Hacker. |
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Klimbatize
2010 NES Champ
Title: 2011 Picnic/Death Champ
Joined: Mar 15 2010
Location: Las Vegas, NV
Posts: 4996
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I like a version of Rycona's theory. I think Mario desperately wants to find his father so he takes out front page ads of major newspapers with his own mug on them hoping his dad will recognize him and eventually feel shitty enough to contact him. Reffing is a suitable job because you get to travel all over, and while stopping in different major cities you can check out possible leads. This was before the internet so to look for someone you often had to do legwork. Reffing allowed for a lot of time to do this.
At least that's what I'm going with. I just can't bring myself to believe that Mario is a deadbeat dad...let alone that somebody conceived a kid with him.
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GPFontaine
Joined: Dec 06 2007
Location: Connecticut
Posts: 11244
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I got about half way through and need to run out. So far this writeup is stellar. I look forward to reading the rest as soon as I get back.
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Doddsino
Joined: Oct 01 2009
Posts: 5316
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I could've sworn that Stanley (the guy from Donkey Kong III) was Mario's son. I remember reading some guide or something for the game a long time ago and they make mention of Mario being his father.
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username
Title: owner of a lonely heart
Joined: Jul 06 2007
Location: phoenix, az usa
Posts: 16127
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haha. good article. good job syd
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| Klimbatize wrote: |
| I'll eat a turkey sandwich while blowing my load |
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JoshWoodzy
Joined: May 22 2008
Location: Goshen, VA
Posts: 6544
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Great article, man. Made my day.
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JRA
Joined: Sep 17 2007
Location: The Opium Trail
Posts: 3475
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5. Samus Aran In A Bikini
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There are a lot of what if's in life Donny. What if I hit you really hard in the face, knocked yo shit to the back of yo skull? What if I....had you girl gargle my nuts? The fact remains, you are a fuckin mutant. |
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Syd Lexia
Site Admin
Title: Pop Culture Junkie
Joined: Jul 30 2005
Location: Wakefield, MA
Posts: 24882
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| Doddsino wrote: |
| I could've sworn that Stanley (the guy from Donkey Kong III) was Mario's son. I remember reading some guide or something for the game a long time ago and they make mention of Mario being his father. |
I recall this too, but I can't find any mention of it online.
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SoldierHawk
Moderator
Title: Warrior-Poet
Joined: Jan 15 2009
Location: San Diego, CA
Posts: 6106
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Fantastic article Syd. This is up there with my favorites of all time.
Samus in a bikini did always make me kind of sad. I was never a good enough Metroid player as a kid to get that ending; I was just happy there was actually a cool kick-ass space fighter who was also a girl. When I found out she stripped for guys who were good at playing video games...well. That wasn't a happy day. (Although she's still one of my favorite Nintendo characters of all time.)
Its funny how you interpreted the Punch-Out newspaper though. I always assumed that it was MARIO asking for his dad to come home. Granted that makes no sense, but neither does the idea that Mario has a kid. (I mean, papers usually publish pictures of the people they're quoting, not the person who the quote is about, right?)
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| William Shakespeare wrote: |
| Love all, trust a few, do wrong to none. |
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Syd Lexia
Site Admin
Title: Pop Culture Junkie
Joined: Jul 30 2005
Location: Wakefield, MA
Posts: 24882
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Well, it depends. The paper seems very tabloid-ish, and a tabloid would publish the picture of the person who abandoned their family, especially if said person was a celebrity of some sort.
I don't think I ever tried to get the best ending legitimately, but the JUSTIN BAILEY and 9/K codes make it pretty easy.
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Slayer1
Title: ,,!,, for you know who
Joined: Sep 23 2008
Posts: 4274
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What's the 9/K code? I've never heard of that before unless it's a variation of NARPASSWORD or something.
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