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Title: Hugh Joined: Sep 23 2007 Posts: 1591

We had a pretty heated debate on this in IRC earlier, so I figured I'd open it up to the boards. What are your thoughts on spanking children?

Myself, I believe that it can be a very good way to teach young children what they should and shouldn't do. A physical thing like that can communicate ideas to children when they're too young to understand the reasoning behind it, and even just the threat of it happening again works wonderfully for a lot of children to keep them in line.

Some people consider spanking children to be abusive, however it definitely shouldn't be. Obviously I don't support beating your children, but a brisk spanking can be effective, and it probably won't scar the kid. As well, a measured punishment from a loving parent is a lot better than what could happen to the kid if you don't teach them certain things are wrong and they go trying that in the real world. Even ignoring the threat of real violence against the kid, a lot of more social consequences of misbehaviour could be more traumatizing than a spanking.

Opponents say that alternate methods can work just as well, but often enough, alternate punishments don't. For a lot of children, a time-out is completely ineffective, and despite this, their parents will continue attempting to use it to discipline their child.

I also definitely think that some children don't respond to spanking, and in those cases, other means should be used. But in my opinion, spanking's very effective a lot of the time, and should definitely be left as an option.

But yeah, what are all your thoughts on the matter?

Posted: Jan 01 2010 11:35 pm

I say hit the brats. Not excessively, of course, but if your kids being unruly, a quick spank or two will take care of it. Time-outs and the like are ineffectiual.

2010 SLF Tag Champ Joined: Jun 07 2006 Posts: 12294

personally, I'm all for child abuse, but that's just the type of guy that I am. It's how I was raised, and I like to think it worked fine for me.

Whats REALLY important, though, is having a set in stone plan, and sticking with it from the beginning. Humans are naturally defiant, especially human children. Even if something is bothering them, like standing in a corner for an hour because they ate all the cookies, they won't let you have the satisfaction of seeing that it bothers them. Keep doing it anyway. NOBODY likes standing in a corner for an hour, nobody. A lot of parents fail at this and begin coming up with alternate methods, constantly flip flopping around. This shows the kid all it has to do is be defiant and piss you off and it gets what it wants.

Posted: Jan 01 2010 11:47 pm

Some people seem to equate spanking, with beating the everloving shit out of a kid, which it isn't, and is whole different rodeo in and of itself.

Joined: Oct 01 2009 Posts: 5316

Personally, I believe it's fine...just not used excessively.

I was spanked as a kid, but not too often. I never acted out in public, nor was I as rotten as some of the kids I see nowadays.

The whole non-punishment revolution going on with parents nowadays only teaches kids to be more rotten to eachother and probably leads to a lot of problems when they enter school and realize that the world doesn't revolve around them.

Posted: Jan 02 2010 12:08 am

Sometimes kids need to have the shit beat out of them. When I was a kid I used to get spanked with a belt (buckle still attached) whenever I did something wrong. As I grew older and hit puberty they kept up with the strong punishments if I did something obviously wrong. On one occasion I crossed the line with my antics and my father beat the living shit out of me. In hindsight he was totally justified in doing so. After a certain age even kids should know right from wrong. Of course I was a little douchebag so I could be very wrong. I suppose it's best that I'm not going to have children.

2010 SLF Tag Champ Joined: Jun 07 2006 Posts: 12294

I'm with bob. This is how I was raised, and I didn't do half the dumb shit that kids try to do nowadays, for fear of a beating.

Joined: Oct 01 2009 Posts: 5316

For me it wasn't the physical beating, it was the humiliation of the ordeal.

No one should hurt a kid physically, spanking doesn't do that. But if you literally just start pounding on them, that's just straight up bullying.

Title: Hugh Joined: Sep 23 2007 Posts: 1591

I don't know, I can see the disciplinary benefits of it, sure, but I just don't think I could condone beating a kid senseless like that. That much violence just seems excessive... I'm sure other methods could suffice.

Joined: Oct 01 2009 Posts: 5316

Exactly. My parents were hard at times, but not violent. I don't think your children should ever fear you, but they should fear the consequences of acting out, whether that be a spanking, grounding, no TV...any of that. I would gladly take a spanking over grounding, although I prefer to go without both. In a way, this taught me responsibility. I knew better than to act stupid, and if I did want to act stupid, I was smart enough to cover my tracks very well. After the age of 9, I think I only got in real trouble a handful of times.

Also, kind of a side note...I think that when you teach your kids the responsibility of respecting other's authority, you also set them out on the journey of being a respectable member of society. I know there are some bad apples anyways, but I think a child is more likely to pay attention in school and do good if they are taught to.

Posted: Jan 02 2010 02:18 am

In all seriousness if I think back to every time I got wailed on I roundly deserved it, as long as the parents understand the difference between discipline and child abuse that is.

Posted: Jan 02 2010 07:33 am

Neutral-Bob wrote:

Sometimes kids need to have the shit beat out of them. When I was a kid I used to get spanked with a belt (buckle still attached) whenever I did something wrong. As I grew older and hit puberty they kept up with the strong punishments if I did something obviously wrong. On one occasion I crossed the line with my antics and my father beat the living shit out of me. In hindsight he was totally justified in doing so. After a certain age even kids should know right from wrong. Of course I was a little douchebag so I could be very wrong. I suppose it's best that I'm not going to have children.

Yeah, that's overt child abuse and if you think him beating you senseless was justified or OK, you are definitely better off not having children. That shit scars kids up emotionally pretty badly, and don't tell me you don't have some issues now because of it.

I'm all about spanking with an open hand in extreme circumstances when my kids are completely out of control and need resetting, as it were. If it's something you do sparingly and only when it's completely necessary, a quick slap on the ass is ridiculously effective. If you resort to spanking too often though for slight infractions, it becomes less effective.

Using an object or beating a child with a closed fist is definite child abuse though and the more often you do stuff like that, the higher chance you have of completely fucking your kid up for life. Their emotional states are pretty fragile, and their brains' cement is still very wet, so anything hardcore like that cna really alter the way their mind works for the rest of their lives.

Joined: Sep 18 2009 Posts: 132

The literature says that if spanking is carried out "correctly" (brief, is carried out directly after the offense, explained to the child why its wrong, etc.) then its a very good deterrent. That said, spanking is rarely carried out in practice to meet these specifications. It still may be effective as a deterrent if these specifications aren't met, however the child will likely not associate the cause and effect of doing bad and spanking. That is child abuse. Some parents rely on spanking considerably more than they should have to. Its a tool in the toolbax, but should not be your primary one as many methods are perfectly fine for teaching kids right from wrong, especially minor offenses. Kids need to have a solid moralistic foundation; if that's missing, spanking isn't going to teach them right from wrong.

Posted: Jan 02 2010 08:53 am

I have no problem with corporal punishment. It was used on me when I did stupid shit, like throwing rocks at a neighbor or being especially mean to my brother, and I don't feel it's wrong. Negative reenforcement and positive reenforcement are both useful parenting tools.

That being said, I would NEVER spank a child. Spanking has taken on a sexual connotation in modern culture, to the point where if you spank a child, people are going to assume you're some sort of pedophile. If you've ever derived pleasure from smacking someone's ass during sex or having your ass smacked, you can't EVER spank a child. If you do, there's something very Freudian and very wrong with you.

So in terms of hitting, I say a slap on the wrist. Literally. It stings, and it gets the point across.

Posted: Jan 02 2010 09:06 am

Spanking is classic parenting and builds character. It can also teach kids to be clever. When my brother and I were younger, we figured out a good technique when it came to spanking. If we knew we were going to get it, we'd put a magazine in our pants. It really took the blow out of the belt.

Posted: Jan 02 2010 09:26 am

Syd Lexia wrote:

I have no problem with corporal punishment. It was used on me when I did stupid shit, like throwing rocks at a neighbor or being especially mean to my brother, and I don't feel it's wrong. Negative reenforcement and positive reenforcement are both useful parenting tools.

That being said, I would NEVER spank a child. Spanking has taken on a sexual connotation in modern culture, to the point where if you spank a child, people are going to assume you're some sort of pedophile. If you've ever derived pleasure from smacking someone's ass during sex or having your ass smacked, you can't EVER spank a child. If you do, there's something very Freudian and very wrong with you.

So in terms of hitting, I say a slap on the wrist. Literally. It stings, and it gets the point across.

Hmm, I never thought about it that way... Confused

Posted: Jan 02 2010 12:26 pm

There's nothing wrong with a good, firm smack on the butt. I think it's more the sensation of "Mom/Dad just hit me" than the actual pain itself that gets their attention. It jars them a bit, and gets them thinking about how they'll do better next time.

Posted: Jan 02 2010 01:46 pm

I use a combination of spanking and time out. Depending on what he does, sometimes it is a spanking, sometimes time out, sometimes both. The spanking is usually one firm spank. One of the best techniques is taking things away. Take away their favorite toy or game. Unfortunately, my kid has enough shit that unless I take away everything (and I have noplace to put it all if I do), he will just find something else just as fun. So it doesn't work as well with my kid. But the spanking and time out depending on the circumstance works well.

Posted: Jan 02 2010 08:31 pm

sidewaydriver wrote:

Spanking is classic parenting and builds character. It can also teach kids to be clever. When my brother and I were younger, we figured out a good technique when it came to spanking. If we knew we were going to get it, we'd put a magazine in our pants. It really took the blow out of the belt.

Same here, though when I got the belt I'd just put on extra pairs of shorts or a long-sleeve shirt.

Anyway, other than that, I'm only in favor of smacking the kid. Beating's fucked up.

2010 SLF Tag Champ Joined: Jun 07 2006 Posts: 12294

a belt across the back works fine. there's no need to literally smack an ass.

Posted: Jan 02 2010 09:23 pm

scamrock wrote:

I use a combination of spanking and time out. Depending on what he does, sometimes it is a spanking, sometimes time out, sometimes both. The spanking is usually one firm spank. One of the best techniques is taking things away. Take away their favorite toy or game. Unfortunately, my kid has enough shit that unless I take away everything (and I have noplace to put it all if I do), he will just find something else just as fun. So it doesn't work as well with my kid. But the spanking and time out depending on the circumstance works well.

Agreed. Not into the belt or prolonged hitting thing. Always swore I'd never do it to my kids.

Posted: Jan 02 2010 11:18 pm

My mom and dad did the good cop, bad cop routine with me. I would sometimes get spanked when I was little, but if I was exceptionally bad my dad would break out the belt and start cracking it. I never doubted my father would hit me with it if he had to, but my mom would always intervene and save my ass (literally and figuratively). I don't think if it had came down to him using it he would have done it hard enough to leave any marks or injure me, and I honestly don't remember ever getting spanked by hand hard enough for it to even hurt. It was a psychological thing more than anything else.

After my mom stepped in I would take whatever punishment I was given without any fuss. I wasn't stupid. Just the fear was enough for me to correct my behavior. I have never considered myself abused in any way and I have remained close to my parents all my adult life.

Posted: Jan 03 2010 03:29 am

My Grandpa told me a story where his mom would make them cut switchs and she would wail on them, but one time she relegated the duty to their father. He took them out in to the shed and beat a chair with his belt while they pretended to scream bloody murder. Laughing

Joined: May 22 2008 Location: Goshen, VA Posts: 6544

The worst I ever got was a few swift smacks on the ass after being an idiot and breaking shit when I was like 7 or 8. I never did anything to deserve an actual ass whooping. Sure I got the wrist slap every once in a while, but I'm positive it was well deserved, as my parents didn't like to spank or slap.

I went to a kids house all the time who's parents literally would slap them across the face for such small things, and when he did something actually bad he would get spanked and shit for over 5 minutes. He's in prison now. Seriously.

Wizard Joined: Jun 12 2009 Posts: 4209

Ha. All of this reminds me of Little House in the Big Woods, where Laura ends up slapping Mary and needs to be spanked.

What happened to those times, where you could spank a child with practically zero force and SHAME them into not doing anything bad ever again? And what happened to the children who were obedient and didn't screw around as much? Children today deserve to be spanked (not saying I would, I disapprove of it unless it's extreme circumstances). Everyday I see a little kid 12 or under who could cuss me the fuck out of my own dorm room. It's insane.

That having been said, I don't totally disapprove of spanking, but I agree with whoever said it's not a proper method to use all of the time. Use it sparingly, for greater offenses. My preferred method is shaming them. Some kids can deal with pain, like me. I COULDN'T handle being shamed, though. It was always the worst feeling in the world, and I never failed to shape up after I had been shamed. Although, I don't know about kids today. They'd probably just find revenge in the form of flushing dry ice down your toilet.