" If you want baby to grow up big and strong like the guy who might be his daddy, he needs hearty food and lots of it. You know what big, strong men eat? Campbell’s Chunky Soup. Especially the chili and anything beef-heavy. Growing babies need protein; maybe more than you and me. One stipulation: it needs to be piping hot. Now, baby might throw a fit because it’s so hot, but you keep right on spooning it into his ungrateful little scream-hole."

Lawl.