Thunderhorse wrote:

So I've been talking to a girl I work with for quite some time. We've been hugging each other, going out of our ways to see each other, so on and so forth. My unloader buddies convince me to pursue her so we start texting each other alot. I've been trying to get us to hang out outside of work for a while now, and both times she cancelled last minute. Well today we're at break together and earlier in the day I told her I've been having a bad week. (Grandma died, Best friend fired from work, and the two times she cancelled us hanging out) Well some other guy comes out on break and their all over each other. After he leaves I ask if their going out and she says she's in a single period for a few months, but after that she says she'll be dating him. I asked where do I fit in this picture and I told her I liked her, and she laughed at me. She says I wasn't making it clear enough that I liked her and she doesn't like shy guys. Now, I'm no expert, but I'm pretty sure that I made it perfectly clear I liked her a lot. It wouldn't bug me so much, but she fucking laughed at me, right in my fucking face, after I told her what a shitty week I've had. I'm used to being shot down, but at least have some fucking decency about it. But what do I know. I'm just a shy guy. I think I need to heed the advice of my father, and several co-workers, and keep my pen out of the company ink.

Shit sucks, and her laughing at you is really inexcusable. That said, you're clearly shy. You had been talking to her for "quite some time" and hugging when you see each other. That's what I would expect from one of her girl friends, not from some guy who's trying to make his intentions clear. It even took goading from your coworkers for you to actively pursue her. When you did, you were trying to get her to hang out with you outside of work "for a while now", and she only canceled on you twice. Not saying you deserve to be stood up, but if you had been trying for quite a while and she only had the opportunity to cancel twice, then either we have different ideas of what "a while now" means or you were mainly just chatting in all those texts and not making your intentions particularly clear.

I agree with the whole "dipping the pen in company ink" thing, but your situation is somewhat unrelated. That's a bad idea because if things go south in the relationship, then you're stuck in a situation where you still have to work together. You still have to work with her despite the rejection, but it's a lot different than working with someone after a bad break up.

So what do you do? Well first of all I have no idea how old you are. We have a surprising number of younger members on the boards and if you're still a teenager then my advice is to suck it up cause this shit will happen, but you learn from it and eventually (but hopefully not too eventually) come into your own. If you're older than that, you really should've figured this shit out by now, so I'll toss some things out there: it's okay to be shy to an extent, but you're really going to have to learn to be more engaging. Chatting about the minutia of your day or your weekend with someone is never going to give them the impression that you're into them, but coming out directly and saying "I like you and would like to go out with you" without any sort of lead in is really fucking weird. Being laughed at is extremely harsh, but them being weirded out and not being as friendly anymore is pretty common after such an abrupt and awkward confession. You want to be as suggestive as possible as early as possible so they'll pick up on your intentions. This will take practice because if you're too subtle they won't pick up on it, and if you're too overt or your suggestive commons are bordering on the obscene then they'll just think you're a douchebag (unless they're a slut, in which case you could be hitting it within the hour). The best type of suggestive comments are the ones which portray a clear message but can be easily disregarded as a kinda dirty joke. I can't think of a specific example off the top of my head because it's all very situational, but I'm reminded of Family Guy when Peter says to Lois "Well I was gonna suggest we eat the kids. You know, jokingly at first, but then kinda gauge your reaction and see if you're cool with it." Basically you wanna do that, except about your dick instead of eating people. (Note: not all such comments should involve your dick...unless she's clearly a slut)

That's as coherent as I can be at 4:30 in the morning. Hope it's remotely helpful.

Kojjiro! wrote:

why would she do that why would she go through so much trouble to not let me know whats going on or where she is and then let it slip that shes staying with 'her boy'

Vague enough? Who is "she"? If she's not your girlfriend in a monogamous relationship the answer is simple: you've been showing far more interest in her than she has with you and wants to make sure you know that "no thank you, sir." If she IS your girlfriend in a monogamous relationship the answer is also simple: she's trying to break up with you (or get you to break up with her) in the most passive aggressive way possible because she either is afraid of or sucks at confrontation. Or is a bitch.