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Posted: Apr 07 2010 09:08 pm

What is with this huge obsession I've seen all over the internet about bacon? Sure bacon is good and all but what is with all the bacon websites, those silly shirt sites selling bacon related shirts and so on?

I work at a grocery store so I think this obsession is having an effect on the real world. I mean I've seen people come in and just buy insane quantities of bacon. I've seen people rush that shit and it reminds me of those Beggin Strips commercials where the dog is freaking out over bacon. However this is with real people.

Does anybody have any idea why there is this obsession with bacon?

Title: Hugh Joined: Sep 23 2007 Posts: 1591

Because bacon is what heaven tastes like.

Joined: Sep 17 2007 Location: The Opium Trail Posts: 3475

The only time I've ever even seen Bacon being talked about on the internet is the bacon bikini, and honestly, that made me want to puke.

Joined: May 22 2008 Location: Goshen, VA Posts: 6544

I have cut back drastically on my bacon. But I want some now, thanks.

Posted: Apr 07 2010 09:51 pm

There is also stuff like Bacon flavored vodka, bacon flavored dental floss, and a bunch of other pretty nasty sounding things that are bacon flavored.

http://www.delish.com/food-fun/weird-bacon-products

Bacon lollipops...sounds fucking disgusting.

Posted: Apr 07 2010 09:54 pm

bacon flavored vodka? wow. im not sure if it sounds tasty or gross. i like bacon. i like vodka. dont think i ever tried combining the two

Posted: Apr 07 2010 10:04 pm

username wrote:

bacon flavored vodka? wow. im not sure if it sounds tasty or gross. i like bacon. i like vodka. dont think i ever tried combining the two

It might be all right in something like a bloody Mary but I don't think I'd enjoy a martini using that kind of vodka.

Posted: Apr 07 2010 10:04 pm

IceWarm wrote:

What is with this huge obsession I've seen all over the internet about bacon?

Oh shit son, you just unleashed a bacon flavored whirlwind!

***

Bacon is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy. The following is a list of things that become better once you add bacon.

Let's get the obvious out of the way and start with food. To make any dish better you add BACON! You probably would not have even heard of some foods if they were not wrapped in bacon!. "Thank you Bacon! Sincerely, Water Chestnut the Third." Want to make a cheeseburger better? Add bacon! Want to take the gay off that homosexual salad? BACON!

There's even artificial bacon flavored spread for those sissy vegetarians!

Even desert can be livened up with bacon, behold, both bacon apple pie and bacon ice cream!

"Bacon frying sounds like applause. YAY BACON!" - Jim Gaffigan

Now that we've got the obvious out of the way, let's focus on beverages. Certainly soda is perfect and cannot be improved upon in any way shape or form right? WRONG! Behold the glory!

Oh yeah, you know you want it...

Don't forget about the Prom King and Queen of beverages, beer and liquor! Everybody loves beer and liquor; they make you smarter, better looking, and more witty at parties. Well at least it makes you feel that way, and as I've pointed out before feeling like you have *attribute* is the next best step if you can't actually posses *attribute*. You know what would make beer and liquor even better? (If you chose anything besides bacon you would be incorrect.)

How convenient! Now I don't have to eat bacon while I'm getting plastered!

If you drink too much your puke will taste like bacon!

Let's stray away from the lovely realm of bacon related foods and check out candy. Everyone loves candy, (except terrorists) and candy makes the world a better place (unlike terrorism) . Quick, what's your favorite candy? Maybe something chocolaty, or perhaps something sour? WRONG. The answer is Bacon!

How come I never got this for Halloween? FUCK YOUR JOLLY RANCHERS!

Now that we've covered things that mess your teeth up and make your dentist rich, let's talk about Oral Hygiene. It's a pain isn't it? Brushing your teeth is never fun, the toothpastes on the market are always the same tried and true and downright boring 50 odd variations of mint flavor. You know what would make it more fun? That's right!

Seriously, get some balls toothpaste flavor scientists!

The only thing more tiresome than brushing is flossing. No one flosses as much as they should. You know why? Same reason as tooth paste, crappy flavors. Yeah I know that the floss guys are a little more daring when it comes to variety ( HOLY SHIT you mean I can choose between mint AND cinnamon? I think I just came! ), but seriously those guys are about as imaginative as a brain dead organ donor on life support. I think you may be able to guess what flavor I'm about to suggest.

I'd floss all the time just for that sweet sweet bacon flavor!

Now suppose you're somewhere public where flossing would be considered rude, like a restaurant, or a fancy cocktail party, or a donkey show. What are ya gonna do, let all those food particles stay between your teeth so your dentist can put another kid through college? No, you're gonna use a toothpick. Toothpicks come in two lame flavors: wood flavored, and sometimes mint. Now if you're going to go ahead and root around the inside of your mouth with a pointy little stick it might as well taste fantastic before you stab yourself in the gums and bleed all over the place.

I might choke to death discovering how many toothpicks I can fit in my mouth...

Speaking of pointy sticks, let's talk about war. War is hell, war is an ugly thing, war is peace freedom is slavery ignorance is strength! Whoops, got a little Orwellian there, my bad. Anyway the point is that war kind of sucks, a lot. Just try and guess what would make war better. No, not peace stupid, BACON!

If you're gonna mow down enemy combatants it might as well be delicious!

The bacon gun would end war because if it was issued to every solider in every army they would all be too busy eating them to fight each other. Except the Israeli Army, and all the Muslim armies I guess. You know, if the rest of us are too busy eating our bacon guns to interfere the Jews and the Muslims will probably start duking it out even more, and eventually kill us all. Following this train of thought to it's logical conclusion, I Propose that bacon will trigger the Apocalypse (bad) which will in turn trigger the second coming of Jesus (good). Therefore Bacon is good, and not liking bacon is sinful.

The poor deluded fool, if she only knew that she could have both...

Now that we've covered war, let's talk about the aftermath of war, injuries. Now like the rest of you, I'm sick and tired of my bandages having that disgusting bandage flavor. What's the point in bandages if I can't even consume them once they've outlived their usefulness as wound coverings? It's wasteful damn it! You know what we need dontcha? I think you do!

FINALLY, no more yucky band aid taste!

Does your car stink? Of course it does, everyone's car stinks! Some of our cars smell like cigarettes, others may smell like wet dog, heck some of your cars may even smell like dead bodies! ( What? One of you could be an axe murderer for all I know! ) Now we've all seen those stupid air fresheners that smell like pine or bananas or candy. THEY SUCK! What, is the inside of your car a forest or something? Didn't think so chump. Might as well keep it real and stick with the greatest smell of all time.

If you get pulled over you'll totally be within your rights to remark "anyone smell bacon?"

Let's talk about signs. Signs are for stupid people, to stop them from doing stupid things. Apparently at some point the idiots in change figured that there wasn't nearly enough morons around, and decided to legislate common sense and save the dummies from removing themselves from the gene pool so they could in turn breed more mouth breathers. Normal people who know not to drive the wrong way on the freeway and not to make toast in the bath tub have no need for these signs. We should make them about bacon!

You shouldn't eat things you get in public restrooms, unless of course it's bacon.

I will slash your fucking tires if you EVER EVEN TRY to park on the bacon!

Okay wrapping up here, let's talk about boobs. Everyone likes boobs, knockers, fun bags, sweater puppets, nipple backstops, milk silos, the vernacular goes on and on. Surely there's no way to make them better right? Well there is, and I don't mean having three of them like that mutant chick in Total Recall. Behold the genius!

I'm not entirely sure about a safe way to cook this...

To wrap things up let's talk about the awesomest thing ever. SEX. It's the bee's knees, the real McCoy, way better than video games. How could you possibly make it better you ask? Roleplaying? Dressing up in furry animal costumes? Maybe you're the old fashioned type and you're in to skullfucking? NO, the answer is once again BACON!

The long wait is over, finally your genitals can taste like bacon!

Once you're done slappin meat, be sure to shower all that delicious bacon lube off yourself.

You're not really suprised at this point are you?

Title: Hugh Joined: Sep 23 2007 Posts: 1591

That was the most wonderful thing I've read in a long while.

Posted: Apr 07 2010 10:19 pm

Does Baconnaise seriously exist? I MUST get my hands on that.

Also, crispy, almost-burnt bacon is heaven.

Posted: Apr 07 2010 11:27 pm

Sadly, bacon toothpaste does not exist.

Posted: Apr 07 2010 11:30 pm

lol good one blackout

2010 SLF Tag Champ Joined: Jun 07 2006 Posts: 12294

I've often considered using bacon bits as an ice cream topping.

Posted: Apr 08 2010 12:50 am

I made bacon today.

Also.

http://theoatmeal.com/comics/bacon_love

Posted: Apr 08 2010 01:02 am

Behold, Bacon Cereal!, Bacon Sandwich, Bacon Patty Buger!

Joined: Nov 11 2009 Location: Cajun Country Posts: 1511

That bacon cheeseburger looks tasty!

Posted: Apr 08 2010 04:05 am

Pepperoni is the new bacon.

Posted: Apr 08 2010 08:46 am

Not going to lie, I am not a big fan of bacon... only on my Burgers do I accept it.

Posted: Apr 08 2010 11:25 am

I must find the bacon Coke and bacon toothpates.

Posted: Apr 08 2010 11:46 am

I have actually tried that bacon chocolate bar and it tasted pretty good. The salt and sweet compliment each other perfectly. I just wish that bacon Coke was real too. I'd have bought some.

Posted: Apr 08 2010 11:59 am

lordsathien wrote:

Pepperoni is the new bacon.

On the contrary.

My favorite pizza that I always order now is bacon and mushroom, it is unbelievable as they get the bacon all nice and crispy (the pepperoni never is).

Also...

Once saw these at a shop...perhaps for your wake and bake. Laughing

Posted: Apr 08 2010 09:18 pm

I like bacon, I really do. But I like it as an addition to a food item, like a sandwich or beans. Not as a food unto itself.

FNJ wrote:

I've often considered using bacon bits as an ice cream topping.

Actually, bacon goes really well with sweet things. Its probably pretty good.

2010 SLF Tag Champ Joined: Jun 07 2006 Posts: 12294

that's why I considered it.

Posted: Apr 10 2010 03:00 am

sidewaydriver wrote:

I must find the bacon Coke and bacon toothpates.

Sorry, bacon toothpaste exists only in the dark recesses of my imagination, the picture is some kind of bacon spread. Bacon coke is also fake, an Adobe Potatochipped abomination tinkered up by some other Baconophile on the internet.

Docinsano's Channel 63 · Posted: Apr 10 2010 04:39 am

I went into Subway the other day and the employees were wearing "Ask me about BACON" shirts. I found it quite interesting that bacon is making a comeback into the world of food. I must say though, that bacon can really jazz up a lot of things.