I will not provide links to the following commercials for two reasons.
1.You probably know about them.
2.They might get removed like in the strange commercial thread I created.
Here I go.
"truth" ads: One of the commercials starts with a group of adolescents raving about how smoking kills you. There is a crowd of people listening to them rant. Suddenly, an animated character appears out of nowhere and tells the protestors that smoking is great. The adolescents and other animated characters start dancing and singing about the joys of smoking in the gayest way possible. The music stops, the characters vanish, and the crowd has a combined reaction of WTF?/what douchebags. In a half-hearted attempt to regain maturity, one of the protestors says he disagrees with the previous musical.
Ads that give me guilt trips: There are two specific commercials that make me depressed.
1. There is a commercial by the ASPCA that usually airs late at night with that whiny cunt Sarah MacLachlan who tells us that animals are dying in shelters every day. There are also shots of cats and dogs looking at the camera, acting "cute". This commercial needs to be pulled off the air. As Syd's drunk driving rant says, If you want to inform people of that sort, don't do it on television, do it at the acceptable place. Even PETA knows about that.
2. Another commercial that usually airs late is for St. Jude's Children's Hospital. It shows terminally ill children getting MRI's and check-ups while telling us that many children die each day. In addition to being intentionally depressing, it is also a quite old commercial (2-3 years). Those children are probably dead now. QED about informing people.
Just plain stupid commercials:
Edge Shaving Gel: This is honestly the dumbest commercial that I have seen. It starts out with a guy getting ready to shave. He applies the gel to his face. We then zoom in to his lubricated nose hairs where these sluts in orange spray foam at each other giggling like imbeciles. I believe that this is supposed to emulate ejaculation. But that's not the worst part of this commercial. The guy is getting ready to shave again, except that when we zoom to his nose, sluts in green with jet-packs enter thy nose and engage in a foolish dance party. This commercial is obviously geared toward adolescent wankers.
Freecreditreport.com: I share Black Zarak's hatred of the jackass with the guitar. I want to bludgeon him with it a la Jason Takes Manhattan.
1-800 Bar None: I fucking hate the dog sock puppet. If that thing ever came to me, I would break the puppeteer's arm instantly.
Blackout
Title: Captain Oblivious
Joined: Sep 01 2007
Location: That Rainy State
Posts: 10376
Posted:
Jun 24 2008 10:08 pm
worstamericanhero wrote:
I will not provide links to the following commercials for two reasons.
1.You probably know about them.
2.They might get removed like in the strange commercial thread I created.
Here I go.
"truth" ads: One of the commercials starts with a group of adolescents raving about how smoking kills you. There is a crowd of people listening to them rant. Suddenly, an animated character appears out of nowhere and tells the protestors that smoking is great. The adolescents and other animated characters start dancing and singing about the joys of smoking in the gayest way possible. The music stops, the characters vanish, and the crowd has a combined reaction of WTF?/what douchebags. In a half-hearted attempt to regain maturity, one of the protestors says he disagrees with the previous musical.
Ads that give me guilt trips: There are two specific commercials that make me depressed.
1. There is a commercial by the ASPCA that usually airs late at night with that whiny cunt Sarah MacLachlan who tells us that animals are dying in shelters every day. There are also shots of cats and dogs looking at the camera, acting "cute". This commercial needs to be pulled off the air. As Syd's drunk driving rant says, If you want to inform people of that sort, don't do it on television, do it at the acceptable place. Even PETA knows about that.
2. Another commercial that usually airs late is for St. Jude's Children's Hospital. It shows terminally ill children getting MRI's and check-ups while telling us that many children die each day. In addition to being intentionally depressing, it is also a quite old commercial (2-3 years). Those children are probably dead now. QED about informing people.
Just plain stupid commercials:
Edge Shaving Gel: This is honestly the dumbest commercial that I have seen. It starts out with a guy getting ready to shave. He applies the gel to his face. We then zoom in to his lubricated nose hairs where these sluts in orange spray foam at each other giggling like imbeciles. I believe that this is supposed to emulate ejaculation. But that's not the worst part of this commercial. The guy is getting ready to shave again, except that when we zoom to his nose, sluts in green with jet-packs enter thy nose and engage in a foolish dance party. This commercial is obviously geared toward adolescent wankers.
Freecreditreport.com: I share Black Zarak's hatred of the jackass with the guitar. I want to bludgeon him with it a la Jason Takes Manhattan.
1-800 Bar None: I fucking hate the dog sock puppet. If that thing ever came to me, I would break the puppeteer's arm instantly.
I hate truth because they act like no one is aware of the dangers of smoking.
Also their are too damn many people / animals in the world, stop trying to make everyone feel bad when they die.
Don't get mad at Edge for jumping on the beer advertisment bandwagon, they're corporate whores so what do your expect? We all know that opening a beer does not make chicks in bikinis show up and it does not transform whatever hot sweaty shithole your at into a glaicer either.
The free credit report isn't too bad, and I haven't seen the dog puppet aired in the last few years, they must not operate in my state anymore.
Douche McCallister
Moderator
Title: DOO-SHAY
Joined: Jan 26 2007
Location: Private Areas
Posts: 5672
Posted:
Jun 24 2008 10:15 pm
worstamericanhero wrote:
1-800 Bar None: I fucking hate the dog sock puppet. If that thing ever came to me, I would break the puppeteer's arm instantly.
Have you seen the guys arm? It's big and covered in hair he's probably a huge fucking dude! I tell you from experience don't ever fuck with a puppeteer! Letter people will fuck you up!
Knyte
2010 SLF Tag Champ*
Title: Curator Of The VGM
Joined: Nov 01 2006
Location: Here I am.
Posts: 6749
Posted:
Jun 24 2008 10:50 pm
Originally, when the dog puppet was the spokesperson for pet.com, the puppeteer/voice was Michael Ian Black, who was on "The State", and played Johnny Bluejeans on "Viva Variety!" Nowadays, you only ever see him on VH1's "I love the 70s/80s/90s". Which sucks, because I thought he was awesome.
Also, the shaving cream commercials are for Axe Shaving Gel, not Edge.
Blackout
Title: Captain Oblivious
Joined: Sep 01 2007
Location: That Rainy State
Posts: 10376
Posted:
Jun 25 2008 12:43 am
Yeah well axe needs to quit because they're fucking lying, tag to fuckin stop it.
sidewaydriver
2010 SLF Tag Champ
Title: ( ͡� 
Joined: May 11 2008
Posts: 6160
Posted:
Jun 25 2008 09:41 am
I fucking hate that Taco Bell commercial where those two dip shits pull up to the drive thru and start rapping their fucking order. Only white people would rap about a value menu.
Shake it, Quake it, Space Kaboom.
Dii Infer
Title: Boobie Engineer
Joined: Jun 01 2007
Location: Texas
Posts: 653
Posted:
Jun 25 2008 05:25 pm
What about that SoBe Life Water ad with the dancing lizards that was played during the Super Bowl? I like real lizards, but I hate CGI-animated dancing lizards. It just looks stupid!
sig
DarknessDeku
Title: Deku Scrub
Joined: Dec 08 2007
Location: The Forest
Posts: 3285
Posted:
Jun 25 2008 05:59 pm
Feel free to stop the video at 21 seconds.
i'll_bite_your_ear wrote:
DarknessDeku is already assimilated by the bots.
He knows your algorithm.
worstamericanhero
Title: Wise Ass
Joined: Jul 23 2007
Posts: 553
Posted:
Jun 25 2008 06:26 pm
DarknessDeku wrote:
Feel free to stop the video at 21 seconds.
Fuck, forgot about that one.
Teralyx
Title: Master Exploder
Joined: Jun 04 2008
Location: Goldenrod City
Posts: 1419
Posted:
Jun 25 2008 06:30 pm
MY EARS, THEY BLEED.
<TheFlamingSchnitzel> Didn't your mom teach you not to punch girls?
<FigNewton> I was too busy /punchin' her/
Knyte
2010 SLF Tag Champ*
Title: Curator Of The VGM
Joined: Nov 01 2006
Location: Here I am.
Posts: 6749
Posted:
Jun 25 2008 07:27 pm
Why hasn't any mentioned this one yet?
kenthegod
Title: Midnight Scientist
Joined: Dec 07 2006
Posts: 518
Posted:
Jun 25 2008 07:54 pm
Because that one is awesome
let's have a toast to the douchebags
ReeperTheSeeker
Joined: Aug 26 2007
Posts: 2752
Posted:
Jun 25 2008 08:12 pm
DarknessDeku wrote:
Feel free to stop the video at 21 seconds.
Uber-meat . . . that guy is just setting himself up
It's not rackin any meat, dat's what a woman needs Muha! Muha! Muha! Muha! Muha! Muha! Muha! Muha!
That has to be the most innuendo inducing commercial of all time.
Links, pics, vids . . . I shall post these when given the chance
Transformers 2 Review: ". . . Did i mention SHIT BLOWS UP?!!!"
Burt Reynolds
Title: Bentley Bear
Joined: Apr 07 2008
Location: California
Posts: 1399
Posted:
Jun 25 2008 08:43 pm
Disgusting.
Dances with Wolves 2 is gonna ROCK!
Knyte
2010 SLF Tag Champ*
Title: Curator Of The VGM
Joined: Nov 01 2006
Location: Here I am.
Posts: 6749
Posted:
Jun 25 2008 08:55 pm
Here's a local store in Portland, with the most anoying guy imaginable:
Anybody else have any horrible local commercials?
Douche McCallister
Moderator
Title: DOO-SHAY
Joined: Jan 26 2007
Location: Private Areas
Posts: 5672
Posted:
Jun 25 2008 08:59 pm
H. Jack FUCKING Langer, the Plumber from hell, I also seriously hate the Value guy, "Value has, everything you need!" and he does that stupid dance.
Teralyx
Title: Master Exploder
Joined: Jun 04 2008
Location: Goldenrod City
Posts: 1419
Posted:
Jun 25 2008 09:42 pm
BILLY MAYS MUST DIE.
<TheFlamingSchnitzel> Didn't your mom teach you not to punch girls?
<FigNewton> I was too busy /punchin' her/
DarknessDeku
Title: Deku Scrub
Joined: Dec 08 2007
Location: The Forest
Posts: 3285
Posted:
Jun 25 2008 10:45 pm
Knyte wrote:
Here's a local store in Portland, with the most anoying guy imaginable:
Anybody else have any horrible local commercials?
Why does he keep switching between deep voice and gay voice?
I hate our local car commercials. I couldn't find one past 1989, so this one is not nearly as bad as recent ones.
i'll_bite_your_ear wrote:
DarknessDeku is already assimilated by the bots.
He knows your algorithm.
Laminated Sky
Title: Extra Crispy
Joined: Feb 25 2008
Location: Etobicoke
Posts: 885
Posted:
Jun 26 2008 08:43 am
I only hate commercials that get over played. And commercials way off from the show.
I'm so bananas I'm showing up to your open casket,
to fill it up with explosive gases,
and close it back,
with a lit match in it,
while I sit back, and just hope it catches.
Blow you to fragments,
laugh,
roll you, and smoke the ashes.
Speaking of commercials, the WGA just wrote an angry letter to the FCC asking if shows could now point out when a product is being advertised as a plot point on the show to protect the writers' integrity. So basically when Jack Bauer pulls out an iPod to upload the bomb schematics from CTU a caption at the bottom of the screen saying "This has been paid for by APPLE" would appear.
"If you will not tell me, I will hurt people!!!" -Nuclear Man
"Do you hear? The alpha and the omega. Death and rebirth. And as you die, so will I be reborn!" - Skeletor
8341 unread forum updates since I left (2/7/14)... Uh-oh.
Knyte
2010 SLF Tag Champ*
Title: Curator Of The VGM
Joined: Nov 01 2006
Location: Here I am.
Posts: 6749
Posted:
Jun 26 2008 12:20 pm
DarknessDeku wrote:
I hate our local car commercials. I couldn't find one past 1989, so this one is not nearly as bad as recent ones.
Ours aren't too bad. I'm mean we did create the Trunk Monkey.
DarknessDeku
Title: Deku Scrub
Joined: Dec 08 2007
Location: The Forest
Posts: 3285
Posted:
Jun 26 2008 01:52 pm
Knyte wrote:
DarknessDeku wrote:
I hate our local car commercials. I couldn't find one past 1989, so this one is not nearly as bad as recent ones.
Ours aren't too bad. I'm mean we did create the Trunk Monkey.
Trunk monkey kicks ass.
i'll_bite_your_ear wrote:
DarknessDeku is already assimilated by the bots.
He knows your algorithm.
Bluey
Title: 99 Beserkers
Joined: Jul 18 2007
Location: Thirteenth Street
Posts: 309
Posted:
Jun 26 2008 02:22 pm
I hate pretty much all truth/anti-smoking/anti-drugs commercials. It's important to inform people of the dangers of blah blah blah but oversaturation completely dilutes and douchebags up your message.
Not to mention the new "sunny side of truth" ones that spend ninety percent of the commercial singing a completely contradictory song. I know you're trying to be all "edgy" and use "satire" but it isn't friggin' working. If you're trying to get people to quit smoking through giving them nightmares about badly-animated babies, then mission accomplished.
Truth is irritating because anyone can tell you that smoking isn't healthy, I don't need a bunch of pretentious jerks telling me so. There were also some anti-marijuana commercials that looked like they were animated by an elementary-schooler. Here's a tip: if your anti-pot commercial looks like it was done by someone who was on pot at the time, it isn't going to work.
The new Taco Bell commercials with the stupid 79-89-99 cent song are getting annoying, too. The one with the two idiots rapping about tacos and burritos for obvious reasons, but the other one with the "79-89-99, ay yi yi" song is just as irritating, perhaps doubly so because the song is catchy and gets in my head and then it bothers me all day long. It's like prototype subliminal messaging.
There's one more, I think it was about the new Mountain Dew flavors that people are voting on or something, but what gets me is when it plays the national anthem with loud, untuned guitar riffs. Assaulting your viewer's ears doesn't help advertise.
- This is Bluey's health meter. When it runs out he has to quit the forum.
My Sydapedia page lists my game collection and friend codes, if you're interested.
Char Aznable
Title: Char Classic™
Joined: Jul 24 2006
Location: Robot Boombox HQ
Posts: 7542
Posted:
Jun 26 2008 03:37 pm
All of our local commercials suck ass, since they're made by the same group of secretaries at the Cablevision office.
And that audio guy may be annoying, but at least he doesn't gouge you on prices like the audio places around here.