MySpace... Hmm...

If Myspace Was Real

Tila Tequila would know everyone in the whole world.

19 year old boys wouldn't own shirts and 19 year old girls would not own pants.

If you're a fat girl, people would only see you from the shoulders up.

People would be able to photoshop out pimples on their face.

Girls would always be posing, cheeks sucked in and lips puckered two feet off their face.

Your attraction to someone would be based on their favorite clothing label, their favorite band, and a survey.

All females are bi and all males drive import muscle cars.

Most people would walk around with a full size mirror 2 feet in front of them.

Your driver's license would have hearts around your name or quote from an emo song.

It would be perfectly acceptable to blurt out any random filthy perverse sexual thought at any random woman/man you thought was "hawt" as a first greeting.

You would look your very best at all times.

Some people would be holding their right arm out straight in front of them at all times.

Everyone would make $100,000 a year or higher.

There would be alot of underage strippers in the world

There would be a lot of youthful looking 99 year olds.

You would have to paint your walls using Thomas Myspace Editor codes in your apartment.

When someone said something funny, you'd actually roll around on the floor and laugh your f*cking ass off.

At nights when you are asleep you would get people running in your room that you don't know saying. "It's 4 a.m., I can't sleep, someone talk to me."

Bands go to your house and ask you to give them a listen because they see that you like a band they sound nothing like.

Anytime you walk into someones house they have the same video or song playing all the time, non-stop for three months straight.

People would run up to you, tell you a random message, and you'd have 17 minutes and 13 seconds to pass it along before a ghost came to your house and raped your dog.

People would inexplicably be stuck in their homes for hours unable to communicate with the out side world because some asshole put up a large white wall in front of every door and window with a note attached saying Sorry but and unexpected error has occurred.

I only wrote one article... and was gettin' ready to write another on Eyeshield 21 for the DS, which is a great game that nobody noticed and will probably never be released outside Japan, and DS obscurity like that.

...I know what Jew's been up to, and why he isn't posting here, but we sorta have a strict "shut your fuckin' mouth" contract about it, so yeah.